Severe anxiety

[EJG]

Just thought I'd reach out here to some like minded people.

My anxiety hits peak point when I'm about to commit myself to a decision and even after until the event has passed. It sits as a black pit in the core of my body and won't shift.

The only option feels like backing out of my commitment.

Any ideas?

[Frantic1]

Mary how did you manage the panic attack on the plane. This is my greatest fear and why I am so afraid of flying

[White_Rose]

Hello Frantic

Panic attack a few miles up in the air. Doesn't bear thinking about does it?

One of the reactions I have is to freeze. Can't move and have difficulty breathing, and of course the heart is pounding away. Sometimes I start sweating but not often. Having recognised what was happening I stayed in my seat and hoped no one would speak to me. Then I started to talk to myself (in my head). "This is a panic attack, you've had them before and you have survived, nothing will go wrong".

I tried to control my breathing, well actually I tried to stop holding my breath actually. It's a good thing to concentrate on, how you are breathing. While you are focussed on one action you will find it difficult to think about the others, at least this is how it works for me. Flight, fright, freeze, these are the three options. I freeze. I focus on breathing trying to breathe from the belly with slow regular breaths.

Try to ignore the chatter in your head, the voice that tells you that you are going to die or whatever your particular nightmare is. I believe self talk is vital. Remind yourself the management actions you have been given and do them, well some anyway. The idea is to stop you being stuck in the panic cycle. It's also a good idea to practice these methods of control starting when you are feeling fine and can concentrate. Learn how your body works when you feel normal. Then use the techniques when you have a panic attack.

I think we go into panic mode and let it dictate to us. Learn to recognise the symptoms and go into management style. I'm sure all these comments make it sound easy and I know it's not. The more you are aware of your body the easier it is to counteract the panic. This is why you need to practice beforehand because there's no time run through your options and decide which one to use. You need these actions to kick in as soon as you realise what is happening.

One action I learned which has kept me reasonably OK is to imagine a scene. I am in a little boat floating down the stream. On the bank there is my panic. It's a black blob with sharp points sticking out all over and arms and legs. It can see you as you float past and it's jumping up and down with rage because you are getting away. You can lie back and look at the stream knowing the panic cannot reach you.

I hope these tips are useful for you. The real learning is done before the attack when you practice managing.

Mary

[EJG]

Hi Mary,

Apologies for the delay in responding.

I apologise for not empathising sooner re your anxiety leading up to grandchildren visiting and panic attack on plane. So glad you found your way through both situations.

I'm sitting hear making my way through some of your thoughts/ideas.

I don't appear to find day to day decisions too difficult these days. I'm relatively quick thinking and decisive at work I think. These days it appears to be more the bigger, one off, every now and then decisions. i.e. my last experience I think was around renovating my bathroom. My teens and 20s were the worst period when it was a daily experience. I had a gp express her amazement that I managed a Uni degree and looking back now I am too. My brain and body were filled with terror/anxiety/panic on a daily basis and concentrating nearly impossible and so I'm incredibly glad those days are in the past.

My anxiety/fear appears to be around:

- the monetary loss if I back out

- not being able to manage an anxiety/panic attack when I'm away with my Mum

- how I might cope if she's not having a good time and worried about my Dad back home as that may trigger me

A bit of a list is building! Lol.

Anyway, thank you for your patience, I'm finding your questions/ideas helpful.

[White_Rose]

Hello EJG

I can see your anxiety is grounded in possible situations. It is the unlikely and surprising events, plus the totally "Where did that come from" thoughts that are harder to manage I find.

Monetary loss is a reasonable concern. No one wants to lose money especially after we have saved quite hard to have enough to go on trips. So can you think of any safeguards? I know if you take out travel insurance you can make a claim if you are prevented from starting your holiday. I imagine there are specific reasons for refunds so you will need to check with the insurance company.

Do you need to pay the whole amount well before you go? Obviously you will have to pay the cost but maybe not paying everything several months prior to the holiday will help this anxiety. I am not very knowledgable about booking conditions but it may be an avenue to explore, plus any other paths you may think of.

Not managing a panic attack while you are away is a possibility. Do you take medication and can you discuss this with your doctor? As I wrote to Frantic, practising what to do when you are OK can help. If you can practice and make this an automatic response it should help your anxiety and as a spin off reduce your anxiety so that it does not happen. Good topic for your doctor or psych(?). Driving a car relies on automatic reactions. No time to think if you can stop or what will happen. It's foot straight on the brake.

When you say worry about your dad do you mean you may worry or your mom? There's a huge difference. However, what are the possibilities that may affect dad? Can you arrange regular visits from someone such as a nursing service. Is there a Men's Shed near you and can you arrange for someone to pick up Dad and take him there and back? What about day respite care. All these options to ensure the safety and well-being of your dad. If you take your phone can arrange for international roaming and talk to all of these people when/if necessary.

Why not chat to your mom about her expectations so you both have a clear understanding of what you both expect. Good to see you are working on solutions to your anxiety.

Mary

[EJG]

Thanks for your reply Mary.

Re monetary loss with the tours we are doing we can take 'safety nets' which will provide full refund up to 30 days prior to trip. Would be air fares, additional accommodation etc. that we'd lose out on.

I've obtained insurance coverage for what is known as pre-existng medical conditions i.e. depression and anxiety. Not sure whether to include complex ptsd as I've had my psych suggest reading up on it which I've found helpful. He is leaving Adelaide soon and has only mentioned that I've sought help fpr anxiety, depression and anger management in letter to new medical practitioner.

My Mum worries about leaving my Dad behind as he doesn't deal well with his emotions. i.e. if something angers him through his work he can get in quite a state and she worries about this. When I've travelled previously I've simply bought a SIM card overseas and this keeps call costs well down We can Skype if necessary. I think my Dad is looking to head over to my sisters in WA and she is happy to have him. Unfortunately like me, his irritability/anger can be triggered pretty easily by things that others do.

The last point brings me to how I might cope on a bus full of people. One of our tours is likely to have more Americans on it and to date in my life some of the one's I've met are quite loud and outspoken and this concerns me. I'm already arranging to buy some noise-cancelling headphones for the bus. Just working through what I might do if my irritability is triggered when people chatter and we're trying to listen to tour guides. I guess I could have a quiet word with tour guide and ask if they could remind people not to talk while they're talking. Reminds me of school! If we're sitting down to a meal and someone bugs me I can simply get up and walk away for a bit.

Unfortunately I saw my Dad be quite violent (only the once do I recall him slapping my sister acros the face, however his anger terrified me and anger in anyone still does frighten me) and I think I have possibly internalised this and now fear what I might be capable of should a situation arise and I'm triggered.

Anyway, that's where I'm at today.

[White_Rose]

Hello EJG

I hope you and your family had a happy Christmas. I was usually reluctant to return to work after a holiday. "Do I have to" was usually my thought.

It must have been quite frightening to witness your dad's violence. I have been in a similar experience and it made me quite scared when I was a child. I think it still affects me because anger from others, whether to me or others, really scares me. Now this has been pointed out to me I can understand my fears. Best thing though is realising that the little girl who was scared can get comfort and reassurance from her grown-up self. Self-talk can be good. Perhaps you can talk to your younger self when these things happen.

I think it's good your dad is going to stay with your sister. This is something to remind your mom if/when she gets upset or worries about your dad. That is a major solution and will reassure your mom I suggest.

The last one has me stumped a bit. Being in a bus full of Americans. Well they do have a reputation of being noisy and perhaps your headphones will help. Can you play music through them? Having a chat to the driver sounds like a good idea. I think you are very good at coming up with ways to lessen and control your anxiety. You have come up with great stuff. Keep thinking in this way.

I would like to suggest that you see your GP in the near future and discuss talking to either a psychologist or psychiatrist. Being able to manage your anxiety is a great first step. The next step is working out where all this anxiety comes from. You already have some ideas which is terrific. Knowing there wheres and whyfores is quite powerful. It's a bit like taking a deep breath and being able to fill your lungs completely with lovely fresh air. So energising.

There are situations in life which creep up and ambush us. They are not necessarily from your past and do not always trigger a response for those reasons. Once you are more confident I believe you will be able to manage these situations more easily and that will also have a knock-on effect of reducing your anxiety when faced with this situation. The more confident and relaxed you can be the less stressed and anxious you will be.

It's not a promise that everything will be OK. Sadly we all have events that overwhelm us. So don't be anxious about it. I did not want you to think your anxiety will vanish in a puff of smoke. Oh how I wish. Once you are confident all the hassles in life will be easier to handle.

Mary

[EJG]

Thanks for keeping in touch Mary.

It was an ok day as I was struggling with my fear and anxiety. I hope yours was good.

I think I found my first major anxiety attack at 12 years of age quite traumatic. Not sure if this sounds silly or not. Also as I didn't get help until I was 19, that's 7 years that it was able to develop and grow wings so to speak and trust me it did!

It is only recently that I'm starting to believe that my difficulties have been to do with anxiety. Prior to this I've struggled for years to understand what it is that I experience.

I've developed a pattern for waiting until the last possible minute to lock myself in to a decision as that minimises the time I have to deal with my mind and the accompanying anxiety.

My mind I think terrifies me. It comes up with things I don't want to think about when I want to do something. Then I become fearful that I haven't thought through a decision properly and that I'm making a mistake. I guess smaller decisions are easier as the consequences of a mistake are less.

Basically I appear to get myself in quite a bind and I struggle to think straight at all.

My latest concern is around thinking that five weeks alongside my Mum is perhaps a bit much given her anxiety can irritate me. Also if she suspects that I'm struggling she gets anxious and we'd just be a big anxious blob together!

What also can happen is that things I've become fearful of in the lead up to an event can come to mind when I'm there and I fear them overwhelming me.

Anyway, struggling today as I think this is just going to be too much and I need to not move forward and book things in. This leaves me sad, angry, frustrated. I'm so sick of this beast having such an impact on and having this control over my life.

[White_Rose]

Hello EJG

It seems to me you are able to look at yourself with some confidence and carry out tasks. It's reasonable that the larger events cause you more angst. The bigger the problem the more there is to go wrong. In spite of that we can have a successful outcome and you have experienced this in the past.

When those unwanted thoughts appear it is indeed hard to dislodge them. Trying to focus on something else sounds logical but is hard to do. Ignore the thoughts (as much as possible) and go and do something physical. Weed the garden for mom. Even making a drink needs a level of concentration which helps to dispel the other stuff. May I suggest you make a list of alternative options you can go to when the thoughts get overwhelming?

When you feel you have a brass band in your head it's hard to think of an alternative occupation. Having a list of options which you like or need to do makes it so much easier. Do you keep a journal of any kind? Once the noise has stopped try and write about what happens. Write a fully as possible, no one is going to read this.

I get the impression you do not have any help with your anxiety. Can you see your GP and ask for a referral? I think you would benefit from this hugely. When all the thoughts come crowding into your mind are they random images or are they about events in your life that come back "to haunt you" so to speak. There is a difference. You may be getting flashbacks from past experiences and need specific help for this.

One more suggestion, when trying to make a decision have you tried writing the pros and cons to help you? I have found how much this can clarify my thinking.

Mary

[EJG]

Hi Mary,

I am booked in to see a psychologist on Monday. I have a very good GP as well and she is helpful should I need her.

The thoughts are likely doubts and disturbing thoughts that froghten me and appear when I am anxious.

I have been on medication since my 20s and have seen a psychiatrist. My current one is leaving Adelaide and I have another lined up in March. I think my GP can assist if I require something sooner which I may do.

It's only recently that it's finally clicked that my difficulties are largely anxiety. Not through lack of anyone trying to tell me possibly, my mind has just been in such a state that I couldn't hear it.

My fears seem to be around myself, my coping abilities and what any human being is capable of, I frighten the living daylights out of myself but I guess when doubt creeps in it's easy to believe it.

Thanks heaps for hanging in here with mean, it means a lot.

[EJG]

Hi Mary,

I've decided to not go ahead with the trip, the anxiety, fear and racing mind are too much in this instance.

I feel sad and yet it is what it is.