Severe anxiety

[EJG]

Just thought I'd reach out here to some like minded people.

My anxiety hits peak point when I'm about to commit myself to a decision and even after until the event has passed. It sits as a black pit in the core of my body and won't shift.

The only option feels like backing out of my commitment.

Any ideas?

[Bethie]

Hi EJG

Welcome. It's allways a good idea to see your GP if you haven't allready and talk to them.

Unfortunately making decisions can not be avoided sometimes. What helps me if I write down why I think it I should make the choice both positive and also the negative side if I don't. Then I grab a nights sleep and look at it again in the morning.

Telling someone you will get back to them on big things is ok.

Also creating a daily routine helps me. It lessons having to make as many choices in my day

[White_Rose]

Dear EJG

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. There are many people here who struggle with their anxiety and no doubt will be along soon to talk to you.

I become very anxious in much the same way as you describe. I try to make the decision as soon as possible but some decisions need to be thought about before choosing what to do. And of course the longer we hesitate the worse it gets. Once committed it seems there should be no more anxiety. Of course that's not the case and the larger the committent the more we worry.

I had three of my grandchildren staying we me a couple of days ago. It's become a tradition for them to stay with me for a few days at Christmas. I was so uptight before they arrived I couldn't eat. We had a great time but I felt exhausted afterwards.

Making the decision is hard. I wonder if you find some decisions harder than others. If this is the case, what is it about the less stressful event that is different. Is it because it is small or easy to do, or you have done this before? It make help to look at the easier situations and see if there is anything that happens that you can use in the harder times.

I find daily meditation helps me to stay more calm as it allows me to let go of my thoughts if only for 20 minutes. This does have a knock-on effect to my day. Mindfulness is another way to keep yourself from getting hugely distressed. I also find if I can distract myself by doing something physical the anxiety gets reduced. This is similar to mindfulness in that you are concentrating on the object/thought/activity before you and your mind can stop racing along, at least for a time.

It's not a quick fix but I found myself getting relief and soothing almost from the start. Not a great deal but enough to keep me going and for me it's good. I used to see a psychiatrist who often talked about self-soothing activities. What is it in your life you enjoy and find soothing? Make a list of these and put it on your fridge door or somewhere obvious for you to look at in these anxious times. Do one or more of these for a while.

Many people find exercise also helps to reduce anxiety. Perhaps a daily walk of 20-30 minutes? If you are thinking of your decision why not plug in to your favourite music or radio program and listen while you walk.

I hope this helps. Love to hear from you again.

Mary

[EJG]

Hi Mary,

Thanks for your reply, it is much appreciated.

I'm looking to travel overseas with my Mum. I'v travelled before and loved it. She has too and enjoyed it.

My first experience with anxiety was when I was 12, I recall it very clearly and it was quite distressing. Unfortunatey my Mum wasn't able to support me at the time, instead she got angry and frustrated with me.

Over the years I'v moved away from home and travelled myself and each time I'v been able to get through them.

I think for me this time around is that it involves my Mum who can trigger my anxiety and I'm terrified we'll book and then I'll come across a valid reason or the anxiety will overwhelm me and I'll feel the need to cancel.

I'm aware that to those that don't experience excessive anxiety this may all seem quite straightforward and crazy but I can find myself in a place where it seems almost impossible to keep calm and think rationally.

Anywho 'talking' like this helps and so thank you.

[Frantic1]

EJG I understand the difficulties of making a decision. No sooner do I make a decision I agonise over it and change my mind. It seems that anxiety causes us to doubt our decisions. The suggestion of writing it down and the positives and negatives is good. Wish I could be more helpful but know that you are not alone

[EJG]

Really appreciate your support Frantic1 thank you.

[White_Rose]

Hello EJG

Unfortunately many facets of MI appear minor to those watching and who have not experienced things like panic attacks and general anxiety. It is difficult to gauge the distress of someone else. We have to learn to live with that without allowing it to make us angry or resentful, no small aim.

How long are you going away for? It's interesting that we can manage ourselves to some extent when we are away from our usual supports. I went to the UK to visit my family and on the plane a I had a huge panic attack. I knew what was happening but was terrified someone would notice and ask what was wrong. After a while I settled down but it made me nervous about travelling alone.

I take you have not yet booked your holiday. Do you know what it is about your mom that triggers your anxiety? It's sad she was unable to support you the first time and I imagine it was quite terrifying for you. I ask about your mom as I wonder if you can identify the potential triggers you may be able to work out ways of being less affected.

With the urge to back out of the travel, do you have a reason for travelling? If you can come up with a huge reason for going away with mom, or going anywhere for that matter, Perhaps it would help to write it in large letters and put it on your bedroom wall or somewhere else you will see it. This reminder may help you to refocus on your reasons for doing anything and get you back on track so to speak. It will certainly stop you second guessing what to do next.

Do you know when you will be away? Please keep in touch with us.

Mary

[EJG]

Hi Mary,

Looking to head overseas for 5 weeks in April/May 2018.

The idea to head over with my Mum came to me as my Dad isn't interested in that sort or travel and I have been before and loved it so said why don't we go together.

Great idea and excited until anxiety and thoughts that frighten me come and take hold.

Lots of thoughts/ideas come to mind and scare me i.e. the money we'll lose out on if we book and then it all becomes too much and I have to back out.

I think my Mum triggers my anxiety as she can be negative and catasrophise and her comments can trigger my anxiety.

Last night I sat down and made a list of the things I have done in my life where I didn't let the anxiety win.

I'll work through your other ideas and so keep them coming.

It can get overwhelming and I just want to curl up and do nothing and cry.

Really appreciating this exchange with you and so thank you.

[White_Rose]

Hello EJG

I am so pleased I was able to give you a few ideas.

Sounds as though your mom has similar anxiety problems as you. Have you ever talked about it with her?

When mom starts catastrophising perhaps you can help her turn it into a positive. For example, and I am using the more unlikely scenarios, what if she becomes unwell on the plane. Remind her she has not been unwell before, The plane can land at an airport so she can be treated and you will be with her the whole time. Once she is well you can look around the city you have landed in and have an extra bit of holiday.

Not sure I have chosen the best example but I hope you get the drift.

I am impressed you have written your list already. I am a bit of a procrastinator at times but I feel quite proud of myself when I finally complete whatever I set out to do. Great job. Have you identified what made any of the reasons why actions on this list were easier for you? Maybe you can incorporate them into other situations.

I will be going to my church shortly for a Blue Service. This has been around for a while but never implemented until our present priest arrived. It's a service for people who find Christmas a bit difficult or become extra sad at this time of the year. It's a quiet reflective service. It's also a time when we can cry if we wish. If I say I have cried in this service does that make me sound weird?

Mary

[EJG]

Mary, doesn't sound wierd to me at all!

Busy day today, will be in touch again soon.