Severe anxiety with meeting new people

[daisy211]

Hey there, I've recently joined the online dating world and I would absolutely love to meet the person I've been talking to in person but I am way too anxious for that. I guess I have a fear of not making a good first impression but I also don't really know the kind of things people usually do when they meet new people from the internet. Things like eating in front of someone makes me anxious enough I'm not sure about other date ideas that might work for me without feeling like spiraling out of control. We've been talking for over a month now and honestly its about time I meet him in person but yeah I'm just way too anxious about it and I don't know how to take control of my thoughts.

[Sophie_M]

Hi daisy211, 

Dating can be an worry inducing time and adding to that you experience with severe anxiety we can toally understand that this must be difficult. It is great that you are reaching out here for support and we want to thank you for being brave and sharing your story. Someone else might read this and feel less alone in how they feel because of you. It also sounds wonderful that you've met someone that you would like to now meet in person, if and when that ca happen 🙂

We think it might be useful for you to chat to our team on the phoneline on 1300 22 4636, they are wonderful at offering practical advice for dealing with anxiety symptoms and can help you put some strategies in place. 

We also thought this article might you find some 'Managment Strategies' for when you are feeling that way, see what you think!

It would great to hear back from you if you feel comfortable sharing again. Welcome to this lovely, welcoming and warm community!

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear daisy211,

I have ever only had one man in my life and he passed away nearly 8 years ago..and because I’m not interested in dating or finding someone, I may not have much good advise for you...but I do struggle with meeting new people...

I think for your first meeting, maybe meet him in a public place and maybe because you have anxiety eating in front of someone, just a nice coffee maybe..then if you feel up to it explain how your anxiety is around new people....hopefully he will be understanding and be a support for you....

I really do wish you the best of luck..and hope that you both connect with each other..if that’s what you want...

Please do be careful about meeting him in a not so public place and if you have a car...maybe drive to the meeting point..that way you have an easy exit if he isn’t who he says he is....

My kindest thoughts with my care, lovely daisy..pleasecstay safe..

Grandy..

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

I'd be the same to be honest. What about a practical activity based "date" so that's it's not an intense staring at each other and making conversation kind of situation? A myriad of options there depending on your interests - bowling? Game of pool and a beer? Grab a coffee and walk the boardwalk? Somewhere and doing something you'd feel comfortable with lots of distractions. But, as Grandy said, make sure it's safe. I'm sure you know that, but tell a friend where you're going and make sure it's public etc.

And don't be afraid to say "gosh, I'm nervous!" and just put it out there. I'm not sure first dates are comfortable for anyone really, so I'm sure your date will be ok with it.

Enjoy! Katy

[Hanna3]

Hi daisy211

Welcome to BB! I hope you find this a welcoming place.

I wonder as you are feeling anxious about meeting this person for the first time - which is pretty normal! - if you could make it something casual and not too long such as meeting at an outdoor Cafe just for a coffee?

That way if you want to leave early it's easier and if you're getting on well you could decide to enjoy a meal together.

Just make sure it's a safe place and someone knows you're going there. Daytime is better I think.

Remember the other person is anxious too! That's why I think somewhere casual and relaxed is a good idea.

If you both get on well then you can organise to meet up again.

I think feeling anxious is normal but try to think of the meet up as a bit of fun and an experience!

Just my thoughts. Good luck!

[Hanna3]

Katy, those are good ideas! Going somewhere with plenty of things to look at gives things to talk about with each other!

[quirkywords]

Daisy

You have several supportive posts. Katy has mentioned a few places. I was thinking similarly

like a walk in the park, the art gallery, the zoo, a museum etc depending on joint interests.
if you are walking you may feel less nervous and if you are looking at flowers, art, objects or even animals at a zoo, you will have things to look at and talk about.

I found first dates hard and I did not have anxiety.