Rumination and Worry

[worrier82]

Hi everyone,

i am just writing on here to seek advise, suggestions, clarification I’m not a bad person and just support in general for a situation I am currently in.

To give you an idea my husband has no relationship at all with his parents, this is for multiple reasons and something that I haven’t had a saynin, I just support him and stick by him. However, in saying this, I know why he doesn’t talk to him and I get it totally!,

so last week I hear they may be considering moving back to the state we reside and possibly the same town. I reacted straight away messaged and asked them not to, and then responded when I was told it was none of my business. Anyway, me personally I know that I could just ignore them and walk straight past them, however my husband not so much. As a result of things we have found out he blames his mother for some pretty serious things that happened to him as a child ~ he believes it is karma for things she has also done.

Anyway I sat on this a few days and then sent them a message telling them how he feels and that I am scared of what he may do or say if he were to see her. I didn’t want to send this but I knew I had to so that they could understand why I don’t want them living here. Once I knew they had seen it I blocked them so they couldn’t reply, I knew that depending on what the response was I would read more into it and then worry more and it is a stress I don’t need right now. Personally, I don’t think they will come here, I think they will go elsewhere.

Anyway I can’t stop worrying it’s been almost a week, I cannot eat and I keep thinking of all the things that could go wrong. I know I cannot change it and what happens will happens, so I need to stop worrying until I know what is going to happen and where they are moving to. My husband doesn’t seem overly fazed by it right now but I’m sure that will change depending on where they go to.

What can I do to just push it away and let it go until I know what’s happening, because right now I’m worrying about things that may never eventuate.

Thank you

[Alexlisa]

Hi Worrier82

Welcome to the forums. This sounds like a difficult situation, so it’s good that you reached out here for support.

First of all, you’re definitely not a ‘bad person’. You clearly love your husband, worry about his wellbeing and are sensitive to what he’s been through. Your messaging them is out of this concern for him. My only comment about that is that it might be a good idea that he knows that you’ve had contact with his parents, which might also help you to feel less alone with the burden you’re feeling about it all. Perhaps it would be helpful to both of you if he takes on more of the responsibility for dealing with the situation?

Worry and rumination are tricky things to get under control and they feel relentless. I get it for sure. There is an awesome resource that you can look up that has heaps of great information on worry and rumination and tools you can use to manage it:

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Worry-and-Rumination

Something else that can be super helpful is to write down your thoughts about everything that’s happening. Sometimes this can really help to contain the worries by making them more clear and outside of your head, so you’re not spiralling in circles so much. I know I find it helpful when there’s something I’m worried about in the future that I can’t control.

I hope this helps. You’re being brave in dealing with such a complex situation. I wish you well.

Alexlisa

[PamelaR]

Hi Worrier and warm welcome to our forums

Thank you for sharing your story. Things do sound somewhat difficult at the moment and I can understand why you are worrying so much. I do that too. Unfortunately, it doesn't help much does it. Alexlisa has given you some great information, so I'll try not to repeat stuff.

Worrying about what my never happen is one of my major causes of anxiety. I have had to learn how to cope with 'not worrying'. Sometimes it works other times it doesn't. Depends on the circumstances. For me it's when I truly have no control of the outcome. Perhaps this is similar to your current situation. You're unable to control what your hubby's parents will do. Therefore trying to distinguish that worry is hard. You may find it will stay until you hear what they are going to do.

What I do in those situations is to - manage the anxiety. Breathing, exercising, positive self talk, talking about it to a caring ear. I ride the wave of anxiety and try to make the most out of it. Use the energy for good things. When the going gets really tough I hide away. Generally in bed and emerge as I get another bout of energy.

Big thing I've learnt to remember is - it won't last. The particular issue, in this case your parents-in-law, you'll find out soon enough what's happening so you can move on.

Have you and/or your hubby seen anyone about the past? I've found a psychologist has helped me to move on in my life and to let go of my past.

You're not alone worrier. There are quite a lot of us here. Keep reaching out, if and when you want to.

Kind regards

PamelaR