Resolving the Negative?

[sagebrush]

Hi all.

My question is this: People who have had horrible things happen to them in their lives, How do you actually get over it?

I know I am lucky to be alive. I know that I am better off than people in third world countries. I know I am fortunate to have a roof over my head.

I am greatful for all the basic things in my life. I am at a point where I am relatively stable with my anxiety/depression. But the past 30 years have just been one horrible situation after another, is there really light at the end of the tunnel?

I know my life is also dotted with awesome things, and happy things, but the negative of the past haunts so prominently, that it detracts from everyday life.

Its been 1 year since the absolutely most horrible thing that I thought that would never happen, happened, but situations just keep coming up that bring me down. I try to have hope for the future, but then something reminds me that there is no point having hope. Life has been a daily struggle for most of my life, why would this suddenly change? How can I make this change when the things that happen are out of my control?

[sagebrush]

Hi Gen, thanks for the tip about the mindspot website, how much does it cost roughly?

After fighting my inner demons, I finally felt got some respite. And I just cried, and cried and cried, for nearly 2 hours. It wouldn't stop. Thank god no one was home, how embarrassing. I don't think I have cried in nearly 10 years.

I don't know if I feel any better, but my anxiety has calmed down a lot. I can function like a normal human being for the mean time, so long as I hide the tremors and shaking hands.

I had a moment of clarity as well, normally I fight the voices inside my head, I mean, they're just always freaking there and have to block them out most of the time. Well, I just decided to listen to them. What they said was pretty weird, but they gave me some direction to follow in life. So I will give it a go, no matter how afraid I am. There is only one direction from rock bottom, up right?

Cheers.

[gld]

Hi Sagebrush,

The beauty of the mindspot course is that it is all free, done online, you go at your own pace and support is there.

All the best if you choose to give it a go. It might or might not be for you but it gave me a helping hand on a few issue i was working through.

Nothing wrong with a good cry from time to time, I feel much better after a good cry. Although if it becomes overwhelming please share it with someone as there has been many a time i have, [ phoned a friend/family member, spoke to my doctor, rang a helpline or even given my dog a hug and spoke to them ].

Look after yourself and Hugs,

Gen

[jojo01]

I started mind spot, but if you don't get on it weekly they end up stopping it on your behalf. I didn't really like it. I have been to different professionals, and I know I need to exercise etc I'm not always motivated. I find I have good and bad days, so I do what I can on good days. rest sleep cry on the bad ones. Uncontrolable crying is bad, I did that for a week non stop once. But a few hours is great!

The voices.... mmmm I over think a lot and that's hard to stop. But other disorders can be experienced as voices.

I do wonder if your having a joke about this?

Cheers

[sagebrush]

Thanks Gen, I will definitely have a look into it.

Yes voices, I suffer from auditory and visual hallucinations, although the visual ones have almost completely stopped since starting medication. I hear usually hear people saying my name, speaking (often inaudible), when there is no one who spoke or no one around. When it first started as a result of what happened to me a couple of years back, it is very frightening indeed. Especially at the start because they were extremely vivid. I have to listen to music in order to calm them down, drown out whats not suppose to be there.

I do joke about it actually, I try to find the humor in it in order to cope and deal with the symptoms. I will say to my kids, "oh, god is telling me what you guys been up to, we're really quite disappointed in what you did..". I usually try to fight the hallucinations as much as I can, pretend they are not there, it is completely exhausting. So instead of fighting them, I have turned to fighting my inner pain, which has given me the strength to take a step forward these past few weeks. And since I have just accepted it, as a part of who I am, they seemed to have stopped completely. It could also be linked to the reduction in anxiety and depression.

Mental illness is a roller-coaster, with its up's and its down's. Everyone's roller-coaster experience is unique to them. Good luck with yours, Jojo.

[gld]

Hi jojo01,

As sagebrush has mentioned we are all unique and one thing that works for someone does not always work for another. If one thing does not work there could be another thing that works for you, i feel it is important for me to try a number of different things, so i keep moving towards a recovery that suits my own needs.

Jojo01 please be kind to yourself as i think it is humanly impossible to stay motivated 24/7, if everyone did i think i will have to move way, way out into the sticks to get some peace and relaxation. Sometimes motivation goes on a holiday and when it sees we are moving towards happier and healthier things it come back to get a piece of the action.

I feel you are moving in the right direction going to different professionals as it sometimes takes a while to find someone we gel with to make our journey easier. I also feel by going to different professionals has given me a wider scope of knowledge to work with to smooth my ride on a bumpy road.

Coming to this forum has helped me move forward and is a great place to express my feelings in an environment where others are experiencing similar things without judgement.

Take care jojo01 holding onto some hope for you,

Gen

[sagebrush]

Well it seems not everyone in my family is happy that I am making progress and beginning to stand up for myself.

What are you suppose to do....

[FrankA]

Hi sagebrush, please accept my acknowledgement of your feelings. I understand what it feels like to keep getting knocked down and each time you feel like you are just getting up, you knocked down again. Never stop trying to get up!

I have a little story that I have read that I would like to share. I apologise if you have heard it before but I hope it offers you some thinking:

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

“One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

“The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

”The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?

"The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

I hope you get something from the story. It is very very hard not to feed the negative. For myself, it is my automatic response due to years of conditioning. However, with practice (mindfulness, CBT etc) and time, I am able to recognise my negative thinking and adjust it. I also know that life is not rainbows and lolly pops, so I try to make my positive thought achievable.

My thoughts are with you on your journey sagebrush. Franka.

[jojo01]

Can't please everyone sagebrush 🙂 🙂 🙂

[sagebrush]

In response to my past self:

Resolving the negative? Begins by accepting that the negative will always come. There wont be a point in your life where you will feel happy. You know that if you do, something will tear you down. The happier you become, the harder you will fall.

The realisation came, when I was finally doing really well, and my family was more than happy to stand up and tear me down. Something just clicked, and my anxiety/depression just turned off. When my loving family was tearing into me, telling me I was a piece of sh**, I just realised. There is no point.

I am completely off my meds now, and have been thinking clearer than I have in years.

My anxiety is gone for now. What changed? Accepting that life will always be sh*t. No matter how much I try, no matter how much I bother. Nothing matters, so why stress about it. We all end up dead in the end.

Nothing matters. So I wont bother any more. What control have I actually had over my years on this planet? Absolutely NONE. So why the hell should I stress about it? Time to get the f*** over it!

Time to plod along until I die, nothing I do matters anyway. The end.

Cheers, John.

[gld]

Hi Sagebrush,

You are correct when you say why stress about something we have no control over it. On the other hand I feel your statement, " Nothing matters, so why stress about it", could be changed slightly into, things happen that are out of our control so i am going to choose not to stress about it.

We are here on earth for a short time and i feel we need to create our own path to feel for filled. When they say live in the now is starting to ring true in my ears. What happened yesterday can not be change, I can not predict the future, today i could create a time to be in.

Yes ours lives do travel over peaks, plains and gullies and it is important to keep our engines in working order.

Control to me is something that holds me back in moving forward as it makes me feel upset when it does not have the results i desire. Taking ownership for things is having better outcomes for me and questioning the negatives, here is an one example that happens to me: Something happens that puts me off and i have an unhelpful thought [it happened because they love to put me down] now i put questions to myself, "Is the way i am thinking about this the only way to think about it?" "Am i over estimating how bad things will be! Or, how likely a bad outcome is?" "Am i underestimating my ability to cope? Or, how much help I can get?"

We all need support from time to time and Beyondblue are contactable 24/7 on call 1300224636 and posting on the online chat helps me greatly to mull over things, off load and see how others feel about similar issues.

Be kind to yourself and change is not achieved overnight.

Gen