Relationship and social anxiety

[Amali]

I am currently in a relationship with a partner who I previously dated. We were together for 3 years  and then broke up  due to  his hurtful behavior. We are trying to start fresh and have been back together for about 6 months. I have been having terrible anxiety and an irrational fear that he'll hurt me again. I break down when he says he's going out with friends and  he recently booked an overseas holiday for 6 weeks and he wants to do it alone even though I would love to travel with him. 

I  find myself turning into this insecure, clinging girlfriend who over analyses everything. I know this behavior will only push him away. I'm terrified of losing him again. I didn't think it would be this hard the second time and wish everything could go back to how it was before we broke up. 

I also suffer some social anxiety.  I feel overwhelmed in social settings where I don't know many people.  My partner is the complete opposite, very outgoing and makes friends easily.  

Im finding it hard to communicate how I'm feeling without getting overly emotional. My boyfriend hates to see me upset and just becomes distant when I'm upset. He wants to make me happy but I know I have to do my own things and make myself happy first. 

Many advice  in this area would be greatly appreciated 

thanks 

TD 

[mandy6]

It sounds like you were not destined to be together. When you find someone you truly love there should be no awkward moments (well maybe some, but not to the point that you get anxiety. it also sounds like he is not very understanding of your situation, and doesn't really care that much about you. My advice would be to break up with him, you obviously love him very much but he is not committed to the relationship, you gave him a second chance and it's still not working out, stop wasting your life away with him, he is obviously doing more harm than good for you. Just take a step back from your relationship and look at this from someone an outsider's point of view, it should be clear then if this relationship will ever work out.

goodluck and be kind to yourself 🙂

[Kree]

I agree with Mandy6.  Sometimes, things just don't work out; no matter how much you want them to.  I have social anxiety as well and needed alcohol to be able to join in with the requests of my ex-husband (of 17 years).  Breaking up with him has been the best decision I have ever made.  I'm much happier now without the parties and social events I was dragged to. 

I would like to add that I don't do clingy; my ex was extremely clingy and was one of the reasons I ended the marriage despite having a small child.  I couldn't cope with him needing to know where I was all the time and who my friends were (not that I have many), and who everyone on my FB account was.  It drove me up the wall.  I am thinking it is probably annoying your boyfriend just as my ex annoyed me.  If you can't have complete trust in a relationship, it's doomed.  That simple.

On a positive note, my new boyfriend is perfect - I've tried to fault him, but the little things that bug me are insignificant and we can talk about them.  And they are really little things.  Although it's a long-distance relationship (yes - we have met), it's nice to hear "I completely trust you" and be able to say it in return.  I wish something like that for you (someone local though - it's really frustrating with my beloved so far away).  Everyone deserves to be happy.