REFLECTING UPON MY LIFE...

[JJ1981]

Hi guys and girls. I want to get my message out loud because, although I am feeling a lot better with treatment for anxiety/depression (medication and CBT), I still feel I had to get some things out of my head.

I realised that I am never going to make my family completely happy, mainly because I am not financially productive or socially respectable enough at age 40. That is, no investment property, no steady six figure salary, no partner, no family of my own...but a lot of criticism from my father's panic attacks just because HE CAN'T LASH OUT ON ANYONE ELSE!!!

I realised that I am never going to be the perfect Italian Australian. In fact, right now, I hate a lot of the Italian Australian community for looking at me and my family with contempt. I am so angry with the stories of apparent success they have had in Australia, that I have to question on whether they succeeded in Australia because of a "fair go". I have to call at least most of their success stories bluff! There are lots of questions to ask when considering how anyone (Italian or not) would go in life, even in Australia. Did a migrant come into Australia poor or already rich? Did a migrant have professional qualifications/skills easily recognised in Australia? Did a migrant have family connections in Australia? Did a migrant commit anything illegal to make money in Australia? Did a migrant pretend to be somebody (s)he is not just to get by or get ahead?

All of those questions make me think that in response to one Italian telling me to "prepare to be disappointed when being in Italy", I have to express my severe disappointment about how my life is going in Australia. One Italian Australian user on this forum became hostile by me expressing a similar post a long time ago, telling me to "stop being hung up" on being Italian. I would humbly invite her to go and live in an Australian slum, day and night. I lived in that style of neighbourhood for 35 years...and I DO NOT want to live in a neighbourhood like that again ever...even if it gets justified by Italy having a nuclear holocaust.

There will be people getting angry with me and lashing out at me over this. But, you know what, part of my anxiety and depression stems from being so scared of what other people (especially what most Italian Australians) think of me or my family! I have a right to express my anger and disappointment and to call lies being told by people as just that...lies.

[Yana8216]

Hallo!

You sound very cool. I commented recently to a family member that I would like to have some cultural identity (my heritage is quite a mix) but reading your post I think maybe I'm better off! I love Greek and Italian cuisine but that's not my heritage at all. Prosciutto, olives, cheese, pasta, pizza..... I work in the food industry, love it. I don't make much money but enough to pay the bills. I'm 37 and I've never had children. If you're feeling paternal I highly recommend getting a dog. They're much easier to care for 😄

Dealing with family expectations can be really tricky. I was reluctant to share my life choices with family but was pleasantly surprised that when I did they accepted them. Stick to your plans, it may take a while but hopefully your family will accept your desires and let you be.

I bet there's lots of Italian Australians who will relate to you, thanks for sharing 🙂

[JJ1981]

Hi Yana8216

The moral of my story is that you need to be comfortable with your own ethnic identity and not let anyone dominate you over and confuse into what is expected. Italian culture itself is cool, you can enjoy those things and some Greek food too. My brother in law is Greek Aussie after all...he's cool, but not many in his community are like him.

I'm angry with many Italian Australians who feel that being "Australian" is the ONLY way to for someone like me to ever succeed in Australia. As well as the many Angloceltic Australians enforcing that way of life. My father still shuns me for moving interstate and for not having a partner (with children), six figure income and investment properties by age 40. So, what am I supposed to do to look "respectable"? Rob a bank and marry and impregnate an Asian mail order bride?! Come on lol!

I'm so much better than this...and so are you. Thanks for adding in, Yana!