Prisoner in my own body

[Hopefull_]

Hey 

First of all let me introduce myself, my name is James and I guess i've hit rock bottom, it's why I'm here *I don't mean to sound all dramatic* But I have been suffering with anxiety and depression for over 30 years, depression on and off but anxiety is pretty much constant. Lately I have become very depressed, at lot more than usual and I can't seem to get motivated to do the things that I used to enjoy, even with the anxiety I did things like art, cooking, gardening, I used to keep my place immaculate as it helped with my anxiety, it was my constant, very important to me but now I've let it go. It feels like I'm losing myself as if Im being swallowed up by some terrible void. 

The reason I say I'm a prisoner I'm my own body is because I feel I'm not capable of getting back to a place that wasn't perfect but *doable* I feel very lost in this void, even around family, I feel as if i'm drifting away a little more every day and it hurts like hell. so, I guess I'm not typing I'm yelling in the hope that someone will hear me.

Enough for now.

James. 

[CMF]

Hi James,

this morning HE called, as he does and we had a bit of a chat about it all.  he is not feeling great at the moment, anxiety has kicked in I think a lot of it from guilt over things. I was able to tell him how I feel and why I don't want to go there.  he understood, said he would feel the same if my mum said those things to him.  hes hoping in time I can move on from it.

When we have anxiety we become a lot softer than how we would normally be towards a situation. he said she sees me as a daughter and didn't mean any malice. that she has no ill feeligns towards me but she doesn't say hi when I go there now. I know shes not malicious but there were many things where she blamed me immediately when is was his doing and he admits that.

anyway the chat with him has made me a little down, plus hes down and I'm so tired. i'll try and check in a little later.

Hope youre having a good day.

CMF

[CMF]

Hi James

premonition

hawthorn to win the grand final by 23 points.

hope you're doing well

cmf

[CMF]

Oh well got the 3 right 🙂

[CMF]

Hey James,

i see you've changed your "name" to hopefull.  Good for you. I hope this means you are feeling better.

google dr Robert peers, he has some YouTube videos you may find useful.

take care

cmf

[Hopefull_]

Hey there my friend,

I'm doing pretty well and I really hope you are feeling good as well, I was involved in a pretty serious car accident and to be honest it was nothing short of a miracle I'm still here, I've been given a second chance.............Now, I just have to work out what I'm meant to do with it, I believe I was given this second chance to do what I was meant to do, I believe we are all here for a reason and we all offer something to society. None of us were put here for no reason, do you agree ?

James.

[CMF]

Hi James 

yes I agree 100%.  Omg Im upset to hear of your accident but I'm so glad you're ok. It's exactly what happened to me just before turning 18.

its is a second chance absolutely.  Your a needed here on this earth. When you started on these forums you were stuck at the fork in the road, you were lost, defeated, didn't know your purpose. This is now your turning point. It's a wake up. I think things will become clearer to you now and you will follow or find the the path that you feel is the one for you. Even if it doesn't turn out to be the right path, remember that it will lead you to something else. 

Maybe this is your time to explore the things that you were considering when you started here I.e, your spirituality, becoming a healer.

i think you have many things to do on this earth and I feel very positive for you.

so glad to hear from you.

cmf