Post break-up OCD and anxiety

Morrisr · ‎05-01-2016

Quite recently I was broken up with.

During the relationship, I was extremely anxious about being heartbroken (because I had been before) and I was constantly doing OCD rituals because I thought that I didn't, I would be broken up with. Well, I was broken up with anyway (the reasoning had nothing to do with my disorders. I actually hide it extremely well from everyone).

Since the break-up, we have still been in contact. We are trying to be friends. This is proving very difficult for me, and my OCD and anxiety has flared up to a point where it is controlling my life. When I get out of bed in the morning I have rituals... When I go to the toilet I have rituals... When I was my hands or leave the bathroom, my kitchen, or the house I have rituals... I have rituals when I am driving... I have rituals when I am walking... and I have rituals at work. I also have rituals right before I go to bed that play up and sometimes I go over and over again for an hour. It is swallowing my life. The rituals are all still centred towards one thing: him. I repeat numbers and actions because if I don't (I think) it means that he will either 'move on' or 'get with someone new'.

I am constantly torn because the thought of him being out of my life completely terrifies me. I am so scared to move on that I am still grasping on to anything I can have. I genuinely want my feelings to go away and I want to be friends.

It's getting really, really hard to deal with the constant OCD and anxiety. I haven't necessarily had suicidal thoughts but I have times where I just want to sleep and only sleep. It's getting harder and harder at a time it should probably be getting easier and easier. I am constantly living in fear and am in desperate need of help.

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Zeal · ‎06-01-2016

Hi Morrisr,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear about your break-up. I can relate to struggling with OCD. I was diagnosed at 13, and it became severe in my mid-teen years. I still live with OCD (I'm almost 23), but it is milder and generally manageable. I take SSRI medication for both my serotonin deficiency and OCD (which are linked). My OCD features have been consistent. My obsessions are cleanliness, hygiene, avoiding getting sick, and the compulsions are mainly excessive hand-washing and reassurance seeking.

OCD mostly doesn't negatively impact my life now, and the hygiene-related OCD habits are just a small part of who I am. I actually poke fun at myself on some occasions when I do or say something which is characteristic of my unique brand of OCD. OCD is not a laughing matter, but I have thankfully reached the stage of acceptance where I can see my own condition in a different way, now that my symptoms are much more within my control.

When you are overwhelmed by your obsessions (thoughts) and compulsions (actions i.e. rituals), try talking to your Mum or another family member you're close to. It sounds as though your OCD is severe and is completely ruining your lifestyle and preventing you from being happy. I strongly suggest you see your GP, and get a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Just start with your GP. You can write a list of issues/topics you want to discuss, so that you won't need to worry about forgetting something important during the appointment.

It is nice that you still want to be friends with this guy. However, allowing some time to adjust to not being in a romantic relationship with him is important. If you don't mind me asking, do you still have feelings towards him? If you still love him or feel more emotionally attached than a friend would, being friends at the moment is definitely not a good idea. It will just be harder emotionally for you.

I hope you can seek help from your GP 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

Mummybee · ‎06-01-2016

Hi Morrisr,

Welcome to the forums.

I agree with everything SM has said, as usual. A trip to your GP might really be a life line at this point. Im sure others on here with OCD will have some other strategies for you also.

My only piece of advice would be to cut ties with your ex... Friendships straight after break ups rarely work, and in this case, I think you need some space by yourself, and perhaps the friendship can come later. I know it seems that it would be worse, and it will for a while, but better for you in the long run I think.

Keep us posted.

Mummybee