Pleasing everyone and feeling like i let people down , post holiday blues.

[Beaser]

Hi and best wishes to every one. I have always wanted to be the best friend i can to everyone and feel like i let them down constantly. When i dont catch up or attend things it causes me so much stress. I have been on my own for a long time but i now have a partner who i love to spend time with and i just dont have the time i once did. I have recently had a great holiday and am really struggling to cope with being back to work and i think this has caused me to feel sad and evdo people even lonely again. I find this all very tough to cope with at times and overwhelming. I guess im struggling at the moment with it all . Brett.

[mmMekitty]

Hello Brett,

I don't know if I can offer any solution, just an observation.

It looks as if you have piled up a lot onto your plate. Can you see what happens when you do that? Firstly, it becomes havy, & difficult to balance & hold, next thing you notice will be things falling off, & then maybe you hold it a little more carefully, but it's actually more work to keep it level, so you get really tired...& maybe you drop the whole thing.

To me it sounds like you are trying so hard to look after so many people & relationships, you don't look after yourself. That makes caring for others more difficult.

Does this make sense?

mmMekitty

[Beaser]

Hi and thank you for your helpful reply.mmMekitty.

You make sense with what you say. I have piled a lot on my plate and being a people pleaser is probably a term for me. I do need to stop the stupid feelings of guilt i get when i cant do everything i always have .

Thank you again.

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Beaser,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum.

It’s difficult to simply “get rid” of the feelings that have been nagging us for years so I admire your intentions of trying to do this.
Have you tried any techniques?
ACT, mindfulness and meditation are pretty good. Nothing happens overnight but being more aware and slowly working towards the change that’s a great start.

[geoff]

Hello Brett, what mmMekitty has said I agree with, but we just can't be friends with everyone, if that was the case it would be a perfect world, unfortunately, that's not how life is, we make new friends, we lose some and we try and help others by being a friend with them and sometimes it doesn't work out, because what we think is not how others are feeling.

Now that you have a new partner, this will enable the two of you to do activities differently to what you used to do with your other friends, and it may disappoint them, but establishing a connection with someone you intend to have a relationship with, does mean you can't please everybody and you can't marry everybody, so it's impossible to please all your other friends and the same would happen if they were in your position.

That's why we may lose contact with them, but it doesn't mean you may lose contact with them, it's a small world.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Beaser]

Thank you everyone for your replies and helpful suggestions. Its always helpful to hear from people on these forums.