Looking for advice - Perfectionism, Anxiety, Therapy

[Trixiebell99]

Hello,

I am currently feeling very overwhelmed, I constantly feel anxious and I seem to be upset and cry over most things lately. I've just finished my undergraduate degree in science and withdrew from a masters course because I didn't think it was for me. At this stage I don't regret withdrawing (3 weeks ago) - I didn't think I could get the most out of the uni experience because I feel like my mental health is slipping away from me.

I think that part of the problem is stemming from my inner perfectionist. I am a horrible perfectionist, and constantly belittle my achievements. The logical side of me understands that I have done well - e.g., I got 100% on my mid semester exam; However, my emotional side believes that I could have done better and that I am not good enough. I think this whole perfectionist thing over study has spilled over into my career life and life in general. I am at the stage where I am looking for jobs - but I don't know what it is i want to do. I then start thinking there is no way I will be good enough for a job and that if I'm not perfect at the job immediately then i have failed.

Then I start thinking about how I ~need~ to get what I think is a successful job (Don't ask me what that is, because I don't know). I have placed these high expectations on myself to be perfect, get a great job etc.. I've also come up with an expectation for what people think of me - I assume that they expect me to be perfect, get the perfect job, get the good grades etc..

Continuing on with these spiralling thoughts, i then think - I am struggling, i have all this anxiety and need to do something about it, people will see me as failing because I am struggling mentally. So because I want to maintain this "perfect" appearance, my anxiety is heightened because people can see that I am anxious and struggling, and therefore not perfect.

I've booked in to see my GP and try and find a psychologist - that is a whole other ordeal. My mind just continues to spiral - "What do you have to complain about?, people have it worse than you, so why are you struggling?", "A psychologist won't be able to help you because it's all in your head, they will just brush you off" etc. etc. etc. Just all very negative thoughts.

So I guess my question is, has therapy helped you out with anxiety?

I guess I am just looking for some advice on how to dig myself out of this hole. And maybe some reassurance

[Banksy92]

Hi Trixiebell99

I can really relate to your story, it sounds very similar to mine. All of my motivation throughout my secondary and tertiary schooling was fueled by the need to be the best, be perfect and strive for better for myself. It easily disguised itself as strong ambition for years, but after not addressing this heightened state of anxiety for so long my stress levels caused a series of health issues. My specialists pushed me to see a psychologist and we found anxiety was at the route of everything.

Long story short - seeing a psychologist changed my life forever. And for the better! I committed whole heartedly to getting it under control and I feel so much more at ease now. I still can be triggered by certain things but overall my thought patterns are much healthier, I can regulate my nervous system and calm myself with a whole range of tools I've learned and I have adjusted my lifestyle to one that is happier and relaxed. I still have a successful career and shoot for the stars, but without putting pressure on myself.

It sounds like you are dealing a lot right now and you deserve better! Good on you for seeking help, trust the process and give it your all.

Let us know how you're getting on.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

There is no doubt you will benefit with professional medical guidance. I'd like to give you an example- 1987, 31yo and I was caught up in very minor corruption in that management of the Govt department I worked for wanted me to follow directions that were favouring a politician. I refused and kicked up such turmoil I had a panic attach and I had to leave the profession.

I attended therapy and he identified things I never thought were a problem, in fact I thought it was honourable. He eventually said things like "Tony, you are a black and white person in a world of 8 billions others with shades of grey". And, "even the best policemen turn a blind eye to some minor offences or they'd spend their days off taking down registration numbers of law breakers".

So it all made sense that my black and white world needed to be adjusted as was my communication skills and so forth. It paved the way to a happy life with less conflict and more discussion along with flexibility.

Your anxiety could be the core of your problems and cant be under estimated for its adverse effects. Along with professional help that hopefully will include relaxation techniques you will also go a long way. Here is a thread on the topic and you only need to read my first post there.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it

Here is one that talks about worry. Handy for you.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/worry-worry-worry

Employment- I'm actually pleased you wont be doing your masters. People with anxiety and the like are better off limiting their studies and changing their environment to a working one, earn more income, have more fun and so forth. Life experience can be found in general employment positions without seeking your ideal field immediately. Prospective employers will admire you more with Maccas employments for several months before applying for a job with them. Something to think about.

The following are ideal to click onto if you want to relax.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhrtbBrMQ1Y

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/xaitaa

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgh08mZ355Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3aFh7OJMNA

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[Trixiebell99]

Hi Banksy92,

Thanks for taking the time to respond to my post, I really appreciate it.

I'm glad that things have worked out, it is definitely inspiring to hear.

I went to the GP today and they prescribed me medication, because they said there is a 6 - 8 week wait to see a psych. They also provided me a Mental health care plan. I just don't know if the medication route is the road I want to take.

I am not really sure what to do.

[Trixiebell99]

Hello,

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my post, I genuinely do appreciate it.

I really like this quote, "Tony, you are a black and white person in a world of 8 billions others with shades of grey"

I will check out the other forum threads and the links you provided, thanks for this.

[white knight]

No problem thankyou. I like Banksy's post as well.

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[smallwolf]

hello.

i read your initial post and the one thing (other than the title) is the effect of perfectionism.

thiis is something I have been dealing with for the last few years with a psychologist. I don't know where it came from for you, but for me it was wanting to feel as though I was/am good enough. Over years the bar we are trying to reach for goes up higher and higher until there is a point that we (or I) cannot reach.

and the thing is ... you are human and humans makes mistakes.

Even recently I said that I wished to go a week without making a mistake.

I hope you dont mind if I share this link...

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Perfectionism

it was given to me by my psychologist and I hope it might be helpful for you.

[geoff]

Hello Trixiebell, I am not a doctor to say this, but I know that if anyone does have OCD, then one particular trait people can have from this illness is to be perfect.

Amongst all the other good links provided, perhaps you can look at this and would like to know what you think.

Geoff.