Physical vs Mental Anxiety

[DailyBread]

Hi all,

I, as many of you on this site, have been afflicted with anxiety. I hate it. I feel like it's a constant pressure that makes even breathing a taxing activity. Sleep is usually my only respite, but sometimes even there it encroaches, giving me nightmares and leaving me exhausted when I wake.

I have tried many suggestions in dealing with it, but most seem to imply (or directly state outright) that anxiety comes from your thought processes and patterns. I don't dispute this at all, I am no medical professional, but I am not constantly worrying about some unknown future, or what embarrassing thing might happen at the next party I go to; I am worrying about never being able to feel that pressure lift off, and be content in just being.

I am constantly in a state of anxiety, no matter what I do, be it an enjoyable activity (like reading) or a chore (washing the dishes). Altering my thinking doesn't seem to be doing much, mainly because I don't recognize any intrusive thoughts that I could alter my perception to. So I'm stuck with these physical manifestations instead, and it's really bringing me down, to the point where life like this seems more like an existence than a life that can be enjoyed.

Perhaps I could give you fine readers a little backstory? Maybe some might be able to see something I can't, or even relate to it.

A month after putting down my beloved dog, it was my birthday, and I went on my first (and last) binge drinking spree. I was throwing up everywhere after a few hours and almost passed out on the sofa (I alternated between napping and cleaning up the vomit). For a week after, I was so ill, barely able to do anything due to severe dizziness, near-constant nausea, light-headedness, heart pounding (or seeming like it was), and very bad diarrhea. I even went to the ER on day three, thinking that perhaps I had alcohol poisoning. I was sent home with wafers to aid with the nausea, and instructions to sleep it off.

[Croix]

Dear DailyBread~

Welcome here to the Forum.I'm sorry you have lost your dog, I know very well what they can mean to a person.

I guess there are couple of things I'd like to say to you , and the first is that anxiety is an illness, and not in the least logical. It does not take any particular life event to send it off, and for me at least it is sometimes almost as if my mind had a quote of anxiety it must get though each day, and the subject matter is not so important.

And yes it does come out in physical symptoms, everything from breathing difficulties at times to nightmares and poor sleep, plus many of the other symptoms that may have been set off by your spree.

You are worried the pressure is permanent, which is a natural thing to worry about. It does get tons better. While I would not say I was "cured" I am now able to live a happy and fulfilling life.

As you say, you are not a medical professional. May I ask if you have been to see your doctor and set out how you are feeling? Not necessarily the hangover and its results, which may well be the result of simply too much alcohol,but the constant anxiety, poor sleep, exhaustion and so on. I found there was no way I could improve without therapy, and in my case meds, in fact I kept getting worse because I left it too long.

I am one of those people fortunate enough to be able to go get a replacement pet from the pound when one of ours passes away, and as they are all different in lots of ways it does help fill the breach.

Are you the same?

Croix

[DailyBread]

Dear Croix,

Firstly, thanks for your reply. Sometimes just knowing someone out there has heard you is a relief in itself.

Yes, I have been to my GP. My doctor had assumed anxiety two weeks after the ER trip, but I was less convinced as I was having such strong physical symptoms. Being the very understanding GP he is, he sent me for an MRI, a couple of blood tests, and even a 24-hour ECG (heart monitor) to rule out anything else, but all came back fine. So he put me on meds (one slow acting, one fast acting for emergencies) and I do feel as though they have helped to some extent, but not enough. The fast acting one doesn't actually do anything for me (good or bad); it's like I'm unresponsive to it.

It's good, really good, to hear that it does get a lot better. Could you elaborate on "While I would not say I was
"cured" I am now able to live a happy and fulfilling life"?

Regarding pets, I absolutely agree with you in that they are all different in lots of ways, and that they do help fill that void in life, but for that reason I wasn't ready to adopt another one into my family; my logic was that getting another puppy to fill the gap in my heart meant I was co-dependent, and therefore could never be 'complete' without one. It just felt like I was cheating myself in some way. I know that probably sounds silly, it's just how I felt at the time, but now, five months later (and with still such a strong anxiety), I finally caved and am expecting a beautiful puppy in January! I don't know how this will go, but I'm so tired of being tired that I thought "Just go for it and whatever happens, happens."

Right before I was put on medication (and it sometimes still happens), I had this strange symptom. It was a light-headedness that had slowly evolved into a pulsating sensation on the inside at the front of my head.

It was so hard to put into words, but I came close with these two analogies:

It’s like I’m walking on a plank bridge high up in the air and all of a sudden a pulse of energy simultaneously pushes me up and the bridge down, like three feet, and by the time my feet hit solidity, a couple of seconds have passed and I’m afraid to move, unsure how or what triggered the pulse.

Or like I’m driving a car at 60km/h and *click*, I’m going 100km/h for two seconds, then *click* again, and I’m back down to 60.

Have you by any chance experienced anything like this?

Thanks again for replying. It means a lot to me. 🙂

DailyBread

[Croix]

Dear DailyBread~

Thanks for coming back and continuing to talk. I'm very pleased you have decided to get a new dog, although some do not agree I've found it is great to have another, I still would get sad about the passing of the old one, but the new one has it's own character.

As for being dependent on a pet. OK, I am. I'm also dependent on my partner (and she is on me). We have been together for a very long time indeed, and for us it works well. So please don't be frightened by a word.

Going to the doctor was a wise move and it sounds as if at least half your meds are having an effect, which is pretty good. It took me ages to find the right one. Can I suggest you go back and say the quick acting one is ineffective? There may be alternatives. Also does he consider visits to a psychologist under a Mental Health plan is appropriate?

I'm not sure I've felt exactly as you have - disassociation and lapses in concentration and memory, headaches in the front of my head and all sorts of physical symptoms for sure, and that is only the short list:) Everyone is slightly different.

You asked about my current state and not being completely 'cured'. Well I succumbed to PTSD, anxiety and bouts of depression all related to my job. In fact I was invalided out as a result. It took years for me to seek treatment in the first place, which made things worse too. So comparing my situation with yours is a bit 'apples and oranges'.

However the point I was making was despite all these illnesses I am now capable of leading a life with fulfilling occupation, feelings of accomplishment, enjoyment and self worth and can both give and receive love. It is true some things bring back overwhelming memories, anxiety too needs to be catered for, and as a result I avoid things that stress or trigger and try to lead a health lifestyle with exercise, nutrition and sleep (not always easy).

Catering for anxiety takes time and practice, can I suggest you have a look at a useful if rather long thread:

Forums / Anxiety / SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY

In passing I'll mention I've had every physical test you can think of, from blood tests to MRI's, which always come back negative, which at first I found hard to believe but now accept.

Is that enough of an answer?

Croix