Paralysed by fear

[Fred22]

Hi

I am starting a new job tomorrow and am terrified I will fail at it or just stuff things up - what can I do?

[mrs_johnson]

Hi There,

When I studied counselling we learned that it can be helpful to ask people in difficult situations like yours to ask themselves if they could try to engage in mindfullness. Take a couple of deep breaths and then just breathe normally ;but with the awareness of their breath and their diaphram moving in and out. As you become aware of the breath and the diaphram moving, try to listen to what sounds are happening arround you and say to youself what they are. For example" I hear the crickets outside" or "I hear cars driving down the road" or I hear the T.V. on in the loungeroom.Staying aware of these sounds and also continuing to notice your breathe and diaphram moving; sit in a comfortable spot and notice anything you can smell and likewise say to yourself the smells you can smell. Next focus on things arround you that you can see and say to yourself what they are. Continue this activity until you bring yourself back into thepresent moment ; where you can just "Be".

Hope this helps and goodluck .

[Tess2]

Hi Fred 22

well you got the job, congratulate yourself on that. You must have at least some of the skills and knowledge they are needing. You also don’t have to be perfect on day one. Starting a new job is frightening and anyone would be nervous. Get up in plenty of time so you don’t have to rush, have a good breakfast and be friendly to the new people you are meeting. One step at a time. Tess

[demonblaster]

Hi Fred22 ☺ and all

First up congrats on the new job 👍as Tess said you must have skills they want.

I think it's quite a common feeling for people to be nervous and worried about making mistakes in a new job, and most people are understanding that it's hard starting new and in time you'll settle in with the people and routine.

Also I doubt very much anyone would be expecting you to get it all right straight away, we learn from our experiences.

Mrs Johnson suggested, concentrate on your breathing and surroundings which can help ground and calm you.

Remember too often things aren't as bad as what our overactive minds let us think they'll be.

I wish you every success in your new work and hope you find the people good to work with ☺

Keen to hear back from you

[Fred22]

Hi

I got through day one but then out of the blue I got so sad on my way home because the last time I regularly caught public transport was 4 years ago and when my now estranged wife and daughter would collect me.

well my ex collected me tonight and I howled like a banshee - I miss them both so much and I know it is pretty much all my fault - I just wish I could have them back.

what is going on with me?

[demonblaster]

Hey ☺

Glad to hear you got through your first day.

That would have been a hard trigger for you and you were stressed about work as well. As hard as it would have been I imagine, I'm glad though you were able to release some of your pain to your X. Were you able to talk about how you're feeling? Up to you what you're comfy talking about here Fred.

Wondering if you have anyone to talk to about how you're feeling. If you feel comfortable talking to your GP they might be able to put you in touch with someone who could help you with coping strategies.

You of course always have here too☺

Hoping todays a good day at work and that you're feeling a little less upset. It takes time adjusting to new situations and in no time we get into a routine

All best matey

[Fred22]

Thanks yes I did tell her she said I am living in the past too much.

I diminished the success of my getting into work by this reaction (unexpected as it was) and should have celebrated it- obviously things were running very deep,

However she is coming with me to meet and discuss my anxieties with my psych on Friday. She wonders if she is more of a hindrance than a help.

i just want my family back and my sanity restored - will it ever happen ?

[demonblaster]

It's difficult not to continue feeling pain of the past but hopefully this psych can help you through. It sounds as though you're aware of some causes that hopefully will make the process of recovery a bit easier.

I'm glad you have support.

Hope today at work went well too.

Easy to say but if you can try to keep in mind positives like new job, you're still in touch with X , you're adressing problems and anything else you can think of gives your mind a break from constant down thinking that can become habit forming. I wouldn't like to see you going lower.

Fred do you do excercise at all and have any interests, hobbies activities. I walk some hills I find it helps with stress release and play table tennis when my health allows. Otherwise a lot of TV.

Hope your evenings good ☺👍

[Fred22]

Thanks 🤒

[demonblaster]

😁