Panic attacks and the school run

[Zoelea9]

Going on nearly 10 years of GAD and OCD. Mostly managed until now. I'm a new school mum, my son has just begun reception. The first 2 days I was okay, a little anxious but manageable but yesterday I had crippling panic attacks and just cried and panicked the whole before during and after. These runs are everything that triggers me, Crowded, no escape knowing I HAVE to get my son, getting stuck in car parks etc and now I'm obsessing over having to do them. It's set my whole debilitating anxiety off again. I tried to force myself to go out today but I managed 5 mins before I couldn't take the stomach pain and panic anymore before I sat in my car crying and drove myself home. I'm feeling like a total failure right now and am not coping at all.

[Quercus]

Hi Zoelea9 and welcome to the forums,

You are not a failure. Not. At. All. Even with the pain and anxiety you have forced yourself to do what you needed to and it is absolutely ok to find you aren't coping.

I hate the school run too. There are days I just wait in the car until I see the crowd is thinning but thankfully we have a small school so it isn't as awful as you describe.

Do you correspond with your son's teacher via an app or similar? Would you consider asking the teacher for help? It might be possible to ask if your son can sit and read for 10 minutes after the school bell so that when you arrive to collect him some of the crowd is leaving or gone already. You won't know unless you ask.

Another thing I do is take afternoon tea for my kids and we sit on a quiet part of the oval until the carpark is empty. The picnic keeps them busy and also gives me an obvious reason to be sitting on the oval to anyone wondering why we are there so I am not worrying about being approached.

You can also look into whether the school runs any buses and what systems they have in place for young students. In our school they have private buses and the kindy and preprimary kids are escorted to and from the bus by a teacher and they sit behind the driver who knows every child on the bus and has our phone numbers. It can sound scary but considering this might be important if the school run makes you so unwell.

May I ask if you are being cared for by a medical team? It is very important to speak to your doctor or psych about these symptoms as you sound in great need of extra support. Perhaps they will review your medication if any.

Above all...

There is nothing shameful about feeling this way. I do at times and so do many many others. The number of times I have sobbed in the car is ridiculous and I know I am not unusual in this either.

The start of school is a whole new routine and it is hard! My Miss 4 starts kindy next week and Mr 5 goes into preprimary and I know I'll be a right mess as usual.

In time you will find routines that help you to cope. Until then it is ok to feel utterly at sea. The key is asking for help (and you are doing that already) and being kind to yourself. You are doing what you can and that is fine.

Please write if you need to talk ok. There are others reading along and nodding and probably hoping for answers too.

❤ Nat (another anxious Mum).

[BE51]

hi Zoelea9,

I totally get you with this one; it's a hard one because you know it has to be done which can make it even harder.
I have the school run every morning for the last 7 years and still, it can be a struggle. As long as I have a routine, which you will get into, it may ease. I worry about getting a park, being able to get into and out of a park ( I hate reversing) easily and just making it on time. The whole time with knots in my stomach, it's exhausting. You're not alone. I found that being there earlier helped. Actually parking and getting out of the car, and just taking our time walking up helped. Being outside and knowing some people as walk in calmed my worries.
I hope this gets easier for you.

BE51

[Zoelea9]

Nat, thank you for taking the time to reply to me.
It's comforting to know I am not the only one.

Today was the worst day I have had as a whole, mentally, in years. The panic just started the cycle of self hatred and depression. It's hard, each time I have a relapse like this, it's years of hurt and anxiety that hits me all at once. I go from happy to debilitated so fast. I called the hotline here and found a little comfort in that but over all I am still feeling horrible. I've been medicated for 8 years and in therapy for nearly 9. I am SO proactive about my mental health so you have to understand my frustration and utter despair that I still suffer so much from this. My OCD just makes this a never ending cycle. It's horrible. I'm also a new single mum. My ex is still a huge support when it comes to my mental health but it's only so long before that effects his relationship. Not to mention he is a huge contributer to my current mental health since our separation. I can't rely on him too heavily.

My biggest problem with my anxiety/panic is the physical side. I get sweats, flushes, heart palpitations, extreme nausea, horrible stomach cramps, diarrhea and more. I get so self conscious about either going catatonic, not making it to a toilet or crying etc so it just doesn't stop. The cycle continues. I feel so stupid. Especially when talking about it out loud. It's just a school run, I've been through so much worse! It's just that one attack has sent me into this spiral again. I'm constantly fearing for my kids mental health because of me too. Just feeling useless and like I have no quality to add to anyone's life. I know this is just my illness speaking. It's hard to know what to do from here since this is my life and school runs are for the next 10+ years. I love the ideas that have been shared, I just worry that it is avoidance and I know that's not healthy.

[Guest_2496]

Hi Zoelea

I used to have this when my kids were little and like you (it's Not 'just a school run') there were other contributing factors to raising my stress/anxiety level before we even got to the drop off/pick up. So remind yourself that - all that being a new single mum, the relationship with your ex, your child just starting school...it's an emotional build up.

If you can park a little further away and walk a bit, and not get stuck in a carpark/queue then that's not avoidance, that's managing things sensibly to help yourself (whether you have anxiety or not).

Another thing that may or may not help is to look around at the other parents and realise that 1 in 4 of them are feeling similarly to you 🙂 Once you strike up a few chats and friendships in the playground I hope it'll help.

It's great that you reached out, and called the helpline. I know it's hard to talk about it out loud but I swear there'll be other parents dealing with it.

[lemi]

Hi Zoelea9,

You are doing the very best you can right now lovely! It sounds like there are a couple of big changes in your life right now- hopefully once you and your family settle into a routine that works for you all you will feel more at peace.

I completely understand the anxiety at school drop off and pick up time. I'm a nanny and do several school runs per week- it can be completely draining. My anxiety at school pick up time is mostly due to concerns that I'll be sick or faint on the way to or at school. Some days are easier than others though and I am sure that one day soon you will feel calmer at the thought of school runs. Hang in there mama xxxx