Operation upcoming

[Darkmite88]

Hey, I have an operation coming up 2weeks notice which is causing me stress already but I'm having anxiety about my wife she has had a complete meltdown about it and it's causing me to have panic attacks but I'm having to hide it to look after her complete mental overload. I'm so lost and don't have anyone around me to talk to that won't cost me fist fulls of money to talk which is causing more issues cause I'm have to bottle it.
I don't know how I can help myself when I'm needing to help her more.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Darkmite88,

Welcome to our valued online forums community. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate just now.

This is a safe, friendly -- and free! -- place where users give and recieve support to each other based on their own experiences with mental health -- some of which may well be similar to what you're going through just now. We hope you find it useful.

The peer support offered here though, while usually quick, isn't immediate. For immediate support from mental health professionals, please do not hestitate to call our Support Service on 1300 22 4636. They are available 24/7 at the cost of a local phone call.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I think most people understand both of your reactions to having an operation.

Distraction works wonders. That might simply include a short trip to a lookout or the beach. Grab some fish and chip and visit a park.

Mind over matter eh. well lets face it, we always dont feel the operation as we are asleep. When we wake pain relief is given. Yes, stress is expected but try to deep breath in your case and separate yourself a little more because if you are not strong then she wont feel secure.

Panic attacks are serious issues and need the attention of a GP. Also relaxation is important.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/meditation---words-of-wisdom---...

Click on that link. Repost anytime

TonyWK

[uncut_gems]

Hi Darkmite88,

Welcome to the forums. We're always here for you to talk through this kind of stuff, so I'm really glad you came here.

As Tony said, anxiety is a totally understandable reaction to have about an upcoming surgery, both on the part of you and your wife. It sounds like both of your anxieties are feeding off of each other, and ideally in this situation you'd like at least one partner to be the "cool-headed" one, though of course it doesn't always work out that way. I think there is a way to kindly but honestly say to your wife that her anxiety about the situation is adding to yours (you are the one getting the surgery after all), and that you would like to find a way to just turn things down a few notches.

Tony's advice about distraction is great, especially when it's just a short period of time you have to get through. I've been thinking a lot recently about a line I read once in a novel: no one single second is unbearable. Sometimes in life (like before a surgery), when we're so crushed by anxiety, the best thing to do is string together one bearable second after another until it's over. Do you mind my asking if this is a persistent problem for you, and you have had panic attacks before or since?

Like I said, always here for you.

Best,

Gems

[Helarctus]

Hello Darkmite88,

If you are going to be undergoing a medical procedure, sometimes it can be good to speak to your GP, someone you are more familiar with about what is involved, what the risks are and what the recovery process can be like. Getting your regular doctor involved early can help with managing any side effects and help link you up with services like physiotherapy etc. depending on what your operation is for.

You may be eligible for the 10 free sessions(e.g. with physio) as part of a health care plan which may also help alleviate some of the potential financial stresses that come from the costs of the operation (if you have to pay extra for anesthesia etc.) making the after care easier to manage.

Depending on your employment/income situation you may also want to talk with your employer (if applicable) about a restricted duties or return to work plan where you both know before hand what hours you will be able to come in for following the operation which means you know how much leave and savings you might use up and can manage your budget easier.

Regards,