OCD lost and wanting to be in control again

keeping_positive · ‎20-12-2015

I have ocd and at the moment not in a good place with it. I have had my ups and downs with it since "getting" it about 6 yrs ago but I must admit this would be the worst I have ever been. I feel as if I am letting my family down all the time. I can normally do my compulsions to stop my anxiety but this past few weeks its just never enough. My ocd is about blood, diseases etc anything that I believe has the potential to harm me and well this past month I have been tested to my limits. Only the other day while at the drs I sat on one of the seats normal yes not for me,my mind goes into overdrive thinking of what could be on the chair, only to look down and see dried blood on the seat and where I had been sitting. Sweats and panic took over as I couldn't do anything about it. Rationally I know it was dry and seemed to have been half wiped and they had missed a small part but when faced with something like that im not in a rational thinking space, to me its spread everywhere and must have a disease. Even now my clothes have been washed my car seat washed its just not enough!!! I haven't been back in my car since I just don't know how to face it or get past it. Did I overreact to wash everything or is that normal? I feel like I've lost all sense of reality and what is a rational way to react to something like this! I try to put myself back 7yrs ago and how would've I reacted then but that doesn't help as 7 yrs ago it wouldn't have been an issue to me at all so I probably wouldn't have even seen the blood and no matter how hard I try I just can't let it go. Sorry I know I'm rambling I'm not very good at writing it all down. I just want to feel in control again.

HelenM · ‎20-12-2015

Hi Keeping Positive

I'm really sorry to read about your OCD. It must make life very difficult. I don't have OCD but I'm struggling to cope with fearful thoughts at the moment. What's for sure, mental illness is very hard to live with.

Take care, Helen

ci · ‎20-12-2015

Hi keeping positive

Oh my gosh I really feel for you and completely understand I to have ocd blood is a big issue for me you did so well to get through that I not sure if I could of. As an ocd person it's worst nightmare. I can't give you tips on low to deal with it as I'm still learning myself that's why I'm on here trying to figure it all out. Other than to say try to focus on something else anything else and hopefully eventually will fade.

Has something changed in your life to make your ocd ramp up?

This is such a lonely illness hard for people to understand so if it helps please know you not the only one it's a struggle every day for me as well. And the guilt I feel for my family is beyond measurable but I have to think things will get better. Are you seeing a doc about it?

Wish could give you a hug and have a coffee and chat with you tell you your not alone

Zeal · ‎20-12-2015

Hi Keeping Positive,

Welcome to the forum!

I can really relate to how you feel. I've had OCD for nearly a decade (I was diagnosed at 13). My fears centre on germs, illness and vomit, and my compulsions are hand washing and reassurance-seeking. I also use avoidance to help control the anxiety. My OCD is much milder now than it was in my teen years, and only really affects my daily life when someone in my household is unwell or I have been in fairly close contact with germs or illness. Gradually exposing yourself to feared situations or objects is the best way to work through OCD.

Going to your GP would be beneficial. Even if you have had psychology sessions in the past, it is worth trying again, perhaps with a new psychologist. Finding a professional you trust and are comfortable with is crucial. Your GP can refer you to a psychologist. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) is the best evidence-based treatment for anxiety conditions like OCD. This therapy is best worked through with a professional, to ensure you don't feel overwhelmed, and so that your progress can be monitored.

For me, achieving things in life and doing what I enjoy allows my mind to be more occupied, which does somewhat help distance the OCD thoughts. Having good support from family and friends also makes a huge positive difference. Try to get seven to eight hours sleep a night, as quality sleep is a protective measure. Poor sleep results in fatigue, which makes it harder for you to control anxiety. I have noticed that my OCD and mood worsens when I'm sleep-deprived. Eating a variety of nutritious foods is also important. Lacking nutrients can wreak havoc with one's mood and energy levels. The internet has many OCD websites and fact sheets. Look for sites from health or government organisations.

Good luck with seeking professional help. Feel free to post back with questions, comments, or concerns.

Best wishes,

SM

Zeal · ‎20-12-2015

Hi again Keeping Positive,

I'd recommend looking at other posts related to OCD. Below I've added some links to OCD-related threads :

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/anxiety/struggling-with-worry-fear-and-negative-thoughts

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/young-people/primarily-obsessional-ocd

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/anxiety/ocd-2AB963CF7C04

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/anxiety/ocd-my-story

There are many more on the site, but these are some key ones I thought would be useful 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

KTOCD · ‎20-12-2015

Hi Keeping Positive,

completely understand 🙂 I go through periods of time when things are great but then also have times when everything gets on top of me. I'm currently on the way up again after struggling for a month or so. I suggest talking, taking some time for yourself, eating healthier and trying to exercise (which I struggle with - no motivation here but apparently it makes you feel good).

When i get stuck in my checking routine, I can see the rational side of it (meaning the PowerPoint is off and it won't change even if I check it multiple times) however can not stop. Similar to you with the blood. Wishing you luck getting through it. Just takes time.

Keep talking and sharing 😊

KT

keeping_positive · ‎25-03-2016

Hi everyone, thank you for the support. Sorry its taken so long to reply I had forgotten my password and resetting it wasnt working but all fixed now must of just been a technical overload. Still in a very lost place and have had another major roadblock due to another blood exposure concern. Why me is all I keep thinking???? Noone else just happens to sit in blood AGAIN!! Or do they and they just dont see it as they arent looking for it. Short story is had to go in ambulance (not for me) so anxiety began but I needed to be brave so thought best not to analyse everything in there, sitting down focussing on my child and all was good, paramedic then asked to swap seats so my little one could see me for the trip, still trying to focus on the most important one my child, glanced the chair thought I saw something red but didnt want to make a scene and just went with it was cotton or something similar as the paramedic had been sitting there already so know way it could be blood. Sat down trying to remain focussed , but about half way to the hospital I spotted dried blood on the edge of the chair, instant panic attack started but I calmed myself (yes I am proud) enough to stay calm for my little one. But with my mind in overdrive now instantly the other red MUST be blood and as it was brighter red it must be wet and now Im covered in it and its full of disease. I had to remain in these clothes all night and the next day and now well I am completely stressed and anxious still and believe I must have caught something and will spread it to my loved ones all because I was afraid, afraid to speak up and ask whats this?, afraid I will let my children down, afraid I will look a fool as in my eyes everything red is blood. WHY is all I keep asking myself? Why am I not strong enough to speak up? Why am I worried what others think? BUT at least those whys I can and will fix!!!! I have been seeing a phsycologist but honestly I dont feel he is helping and his techniques are not for me at the moment but I have also been seeing a acupuncturist who is a counsellor too and have had one visit with a kinesiologist, which is amazing and I am loking forward to returning to her!!! I know I will overcome this I have to believe that, just at this moment I keep feeling like its one step forward twenty steps back!!!