Hi, I am new to this forum. I have OCD it has been affecting all areas of my life. I suffer with intrusive thoughts that make me feel like I have actually done awful things, as these thoughts happen while I’m in contact with someone. It started about 10 years ago when I was 16. My older sister had children young and her husband left and I was the one who was appointed to help her out. She went into a serious depression and I did a lot for the kids. I love them very much and always have. I would never want to hurt them. I have had a fear of changing nappies, holding/having kids sit on my lap ever since. I remember we took the kids to this church community event once and I just wanted to go and “confess” to the pastor that I had done awful things. I hadn’t done anything, but I felt like I had because if the kids sat on my lap and I had a thought I felt like I had molested them. Years past and It had gotten to a point that I was ok. I still had intrusive thoughts, but I knew that’s all they were.
it might be important to mention that I was molested as a child by my father. I don’t remember all of it, so my ocd has been making my question if it really happened or if I made it up. My brother and another one of my sisters were also molested by him and my brother told me he wished I was making it up when I expressed my doubts to him, but I wasn’t.
I really felt like I had to kill myself a little over a week ago. I was put on SSRI’s which put me into a state of psychosis and I feared I was going to harm my partner. I also started questioning if I had killed my cat (I love her dearly) and the man who came to the door. I found her under the bed and she was fine. I stopped taking the SSRI’s and that part has gotten much better. The problem now is that the OCD has extended to my work. I work with volnerable elderly people and I am now afraid of hurting/assulting them. physical contact is bound to happen in my profession. If I’m helping someone dress, Changing their pad, or helping with their seatbelt. This OCD flare up was triggered by high stress related to work and now I’m afraid to go back. there’s a lot more, but Not enough room to post. Thank you for any advice/input/suggestions.
