Anxiety vs Trust

[Sam_B1]

I am having trouble with anxious thoughts causing me to act in a toxic manner towards my partner. I trust him completely, I know he would never do anything to hurt me, so why can’t I control these thoughts of ‘what if’? It’s so hard because it’s making him think I don’t trust him. For example, if he’s on his phone I have this intense need to know who he’s talking to. Logically I know it’s just his mate, but my thoughts just start to spiral uncontrollably until I ask him and see for myself that it is indeed his mate that he is talking to. Then I feel guilty and small, it’s as if what’s come over me isn’t even a part of myself, because logically and emotionally I knew all along I was worried about nothing!! Please help me with experiences etc. as I don’t understand this part of myself at all.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Sam B

It is so great that you are here to get some support and some ideas on how to manage this very overwhelming and very worrying experience that you are going though. I have no idea how much anxiety this would be causing you and I can hear that is is making you feel so much guilt and not knowing yourself anymore, which is very scary.

I am wondering if you are able to start off by talking to your partner and letting him know that you are feeling insecure and not trusting, that perhaps it is not what he is doing but what he isn't doing. By sharing how insecure you are feeling when he is on the phone he can perhaps help you with this by announcing the caller "hi mum" or "hi Barry"..I made that name up...but this way it lets you know who he is talking to without you running scenarios through your head until you are beside yourself.

I think that explaining to him that he has done nothing to lose your trust and this is not actually about him but some anxiety in you and you are addressing it. If you can perhaps have an open and honest conversation with him too about how you are feeling that might also help him understand where you are coming from.

I am by no means a professional but perhaps a chat to someone at relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 might be able to give you some tools on how to manage this also.

I am not sure if I have been helpful to you Sam B but hugs to you and I hope that you keep coming here to chat as there will be some awesome people here to support and comfort you on this journey.

AS