not sure if i can be fixed

[opy69]

i have suffered from anxiety since i was 17 and depression since i was 32 i am now 44. i never knew i had ether until 6 years ago i would just get a tingling feeling in my hands then extremely hot then loose my vision and pass out once every couple of years never gave it much thought. then 12 years ago my younger brother committed suicide and my attacks servilely increased until i had to see a doctor who gave me medication it did not help it did stop the attacks but did not stop the constant sensation that something was not right.so i sleeked a natural remedy with vitamins and minerals which has stopped the sensation but has not helped with my depression which i have suffered with since the lose of my brother nothing makes me happy i just pretend to be happy. i found a great job 8yrs ago were i made a lot of friends and 4yrs ago built a house with my wife and two teenage boys hoping it would give me happiness and self worth which it didnt it just increased the presser then 2yrs ago a larger company brought out the company i worked for and my friends started leaving then 2months ago i was let go. now i feel lost again im trying to find work but have had no luck like normal everything is going to shit i owe thousands on land and water rates im now behind in my house payments.im starting to lock my self away from the world again im lashing out at the people i love my wife is tired of it she has put up with so much.22yrs of dealing with me she deserves better im on new meds now which has helped with my anger but not with my confidence.i have always felt responsible for the lose of my brother that i didnt see it and didnt stop it.im scared i am going to loose everything i worked so hard for yet i dont seem to care enough to swallow my pride and ask for help or maybe i just dont want to admit that i have failed again i guess thats why im writing this i dont know who else to tell any advise would be greatly appreciated and thank you for taking the time to read this             

[geoff]

dear Opy, sorry it's been 2 days before a reply.

With depression we always think that we have failed, because that's part of this illness.

Maybe your anxiety and depression were quietly sneaking up on you before 17 so you may not have known.

I can't image how badly you feel about your brother, which brings to the point that when I tried I know that my twin would be devastated, just as you are.

You can't really blame yourself about your brother, although this would always seem to happen, but most of the time there is no indication of their intent.

At the moment your world is crashing down, so there are a couple of things you have to try and do, I know that you couldn't give a damn at the moment, but please try and make this effort, sorry.

Contact your bank and tell them that you lost your job and they will offer a rescue package, it's best for you to do this before they contact you, because the discussion will be totally different, in other words they won't be so heavy with you.

The other concern is that try and go back to your doctor and tell him/her that you are suffering from depression.

You will need some money coming in so go to a centrelink office and get the forms to apply for some money on a fortnightly basis. Hope that you can get back to us. Geoff.