Newbie - Do I have a problem?

[GypsyBlue]

Hi.  It took me several days to strike up the courage to sign up and post something here and now, today, twice I have typed something then bumped a key that shut everything down and I lost my posts!

I am an (almost) 54 year old male.  Married with a 21 year old son.  I don't think I have depression but maybe I have mild anxiety?  Although I sometimes worry about things and lose sleep, my main issue is that I sometimes get flustered in pressure situations, causing me to rush around (in an embarrassing "tanty"), sometimes throwing things in anger and I just end up upsetting people.  I believe I have been managing this quite well at home lately and in social situations but it has happened twice at work in recent months and the boss is not happy.

Around 2 and a half years ago, I took voluntary redundancy from a large government owned corporation after nearly 24 years with them.  The redundancy package was pretty good but I struggled to find similar work for decent pay (I was prepared for a modest drop in salary) and so I am not really realising the financial benefits of using the package to pay off the mortgage etc. - although we are not down and out by any means.  I ended up working at a hardware store for around 50% less p.a. but just over a year ago, I was asked to work for a former colleague in his licensed (sort of franchised) outlet of the same organisation that we had both worked for.  Not much better pay, but less weekend work and I liked the idea of the challenge of setting up a new store.  In hindsight, financially, I probably made the wrong decision to take the redundancy, although I think I was stuck in a rut where I was and it was time to leave.

So, the other day, the boss had rostered himself on to cover a position in the store. It was quiet but I knew it wouldn't be for long.  He decided to go somewhere for half an hour, was gone for over 2, the queue was out the door, , I was busting to take a leak but we couldn't leave only one on duty, there was only two of us to serve, the other guy is new and slow, so I worked the only way I know how - FAST!  I just turn the customers over as quick as I can, still greeting them with a smile, a "How are you?", a "thank you, have a good day?" and then calling "next please!".  But throw in a difficult customer, when you're down a third of your staff, no room to move safely without tripping over things, I begin to feel like I am carrying everything and I start to lose it.

I don't believe I was rude to this customer but apparently I upset her and she complained.  I acknowledge that I was probably flustered and a door may have been slammed a couple of times in my haste.  Anyway, the boss spoke to me about it and I am disappointed that he jumped to conclusions and was not willing to listen to my side.  I have been moved to another office - it's busier but they have more staff, so I feel there is less pressure as the work is shared around better.  I will probably not last long though as I don't like being like that and don't feel I can work for him anymore.  I am looking at going back to the hardware store (I'm still on the books as a casual) and am having a coffee with my old boss there this afternoon.  However, I still hope to find another admin job where I can work on my own like before.

I worry that I will struggle to find a decent job that I can handle.  I don't have a degree and just worked my way up through my field before, basically without even having to apply for jobs - managers just asked for me.  This has got me worried that I may not have enough for retirement and providing for my family and I sometimes lose sleep over it.  I don't really think I suffer from depression as I have plenty of laughs (I make bad jokes!).  I certainly would never commit suicide but I sometimes think that if I died, at least my super would provide for my wife and son and they could pay the house off and then some!

Do I have anxiety? I don't seem to tick all the check boxes in the checklist... I certainly don't feel anxious or nervous like I used to as a teenager and young adult.  I'm much more confident with who I am now.  I can now talk in front of people if I know my subject.  I still avoid awkward or confronting situations if I can, though - I will put off making phone calls if at all possible.  I'd rather send an email or write a paper then make a phone call or confront someone face to face!

I was definitely anxious at the dentist the other day when I had a tooth pulled though! Most traumatic experience ever! She told me afterwards that I could have had happy gas!  I will keep that in mind for the root canal work!

Anyway, what do you think? Do I have a problem?

[Vera55]

Hello Gypsy blue. It must be my day today to sit and read all the new posts coming in because others who have been on these sites longer usually greet the new comers so I will do the honors and welcome you to our collective bb community.

I see depression and anxiety like a spectrum disorder ranging from low to totally incapacitated. You my friend are on the periphery of very low discomfort level. You are experiencing stress which can cause anxiety if not resolved. Stress at a physiological level is already causing changes to your brain and body. Think cortisol, adrenaline, hormones etc.

Continual stress changes our brains ability to cope as you have experienced by 'losing it'. 

Chronic stress leads to anxiety. A maladaptive mechanism when the stakes get higher.

chronic anxiety can lead to depression as the body and brain lose their ability to function. 

So you see the journey is one of being able to resolve the issues you write about before they escalate into more serious areas, such as becoming physically unwell, etc,

it's terrific that you have insight into your own situation and what you think you need to address. 

Continue to talk to us here so we can all tease out these issues. Kind regards Vera

[GypsyBlue]

Hi Vera,

Thanks for your reply. So, it's just stress? Not anxiety? I was worrying that it was anxiety and I'd have to see a shrink! I don't really want to go on meds.  will have to work out how to manage stressful situations, particularly on the job front. I think I will have to change jobs, as in the current one, I can't see how I will be able to avoid the situation that is causing me grief. I just can't up and walk outside to blow off steam...!  Perhaps I just need to go fishing more often - the one thing that really relaxes me is being out on the ocean on my own - the old man and the sea! Thanks.

[Vera55]

Dear gypsy blue. Please don't take my comments and my opinions as a diagnosis to what you are experiencing. I just wanted to explain the physiology of our struggles on this site because if you are new to this you might not know how stress and continual stress can make us really ill.

It sounds like you do have awareness of what makes you stressed and what relaxes you. Some of us here are not so lucky as we lack the brain pathways to enjoyment opportunities. That alone indicates (to me only) that you can initiate activities that are conducive to relaxation.

i too love the water. I have a bike path near my place where I cycle and I stop on the bridge to stretch as I love listening to the gurgling water and watch the bathing birds chase each other. They are very funny. Sometimes it is the little things isn't it.

have you had a talk to your friend the boss regarding leaving you in the lurch during the busy time? 

I wonder if the situation triggered your self talk and the anxiety about possible conflict? Are you happy to tease some of this out? Vera