Hey y'all.
So I've got an appointment to see my Dr on Monday next week about anxiety - I have suffered from depression for most of my adult life, and been medicated for about half of that time (I'm almost 40 and was diagnosed at 21). Today, I just seem to not be able to get out of my own way. I don't want to change out of my pyjamas. I can't see the positive in anything. My partner lives 14,500km away (he's in the US, and I'm in Australia) and he's "seen" my good morning message, but hasn't replied (not even a "Hey babe, just out with friends, will call you when I get home" or whatever he's doing!), my best friend of 21 years collapsed Tuesday morning on her way to work with a perforated bowel, and had to have emergency surgery Tuesday afternoon, and I only found out late last night (Wednesday!) and is in a hospital 200km away and I'm broke! My other best friend, has been in hospital since late last night (only found out about an hour ago!) with pneumonia and she's about 300 km away. I can't go anywhere because I'm broke, and the one thing that MIGHT fix all my problems, is a job interview from a company in Brisbane that is looking for full time staff and suggested that they might want me to start Monday morning - hasn't called back, and I've lost their number! I feel like I'm bugging people by messaging them... and I should be as happy as freaking Larry! I'm about to go on a 5 week holiday that I've been saving up for, for months!!!!!
Rationally - I know that this is just a rough patch, and it will pass - but I've spent 95% of this morning silently crying and keeping to myself so as not to be a burden to other people or feel like I'm bugging them by talking to them. I just can't kick myself out of this funk, and it's happening more and more often 😞
