New grad and work anxiety

[mirrorball13]

Hi everyone, first time poster here. I’m 6 months into my first job out of uni and I’m really struggling with anxiety and depression at the moment with this job.

I dread going into work everyday because I am so anxious about the amount of tasks and responsibility I have. I am making a lot of mistakes because I’m thrown in the deep end a lot - my degree isn’t related to my role and it’s hard to get help from my coworkers because they are all so busy. I also find it so hard to connect with them because I am the youngest in my team and I don’t really know what to talk about with them. Due to my lack of knowledge I also find myself working extra hours just to understand more and keep up.

As well I put a lot of pressure on myself to do well and I am a big people pleaser. I think I have a lot of performance anxiety after seeking a lot of academic validation my whole life. It also has me questioning my role as I don’t think it’s very well suited to my personality at all, I am in meetings all day and have to reach out to so many different people across the business who don’t prioritise me because I’m a grad, and I am super shy and introverted. For example I cried for hours after work today of stress because a higher up expects a project to be done by end of September, but I incorrectly gave later dates to another team which is causing delays in the project and I’ve been beating around the bush with her because I’m scared to tell her it’ll be delayed. 

I am seeing a therapist and try to enjoy myself outside of work but it’s hard when I have an 1hr+ commute and feel so burnt out when I get home. I also work casual shifts in retail on the weekends sometimes to save money so I don’t get much time to myself. While I feel very lucky because I am the first in my family to even go to uni and have a corporate job, I feel so out of depth at work and like I don’t fit in. I feel like I’ve wasted all my studying, money and time spent on my degree to not like my career path. It has even made me consider going back to uni for further study in a different field because I don’t like my role at all. And I become so jealous of other grads who found their perfect role out of uni or at the least tolerate their job while I am barely surviving. 

Thankfully I’m in a grad program and I am rotating out of this team in 6 months so I do see a light at the end of the tunnel but I don’t know if I can take it until then. I know 100% I’ll be trying to move jobs or go back to uni after my program ends because this role and company are making me miserable.

Hoping there are people who can just listen and understand…

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome,

It sounds like you are immense pressure and anxiety in navigating this new job. That transition from school to work can be incredibly jarring. You said that you are a people pleaser (like myself) and perhaps perfectionism will make you think that any small mistake is a reflection on you and your worth. So ... the fact this business employed you would indicate you have the skills and talents needed. Please don't be so hard on yourself - you're doing the best you can in difficult circumstances.

I would also commend you for talking this through with a therapist. And I am sure that talking with them you might be able to find a way forward. 

On the flip side, if this is not the role for you in the long-term. Lean on your therapist for support too. Remember - no job defines your worth.

Regardless, keep focusing on self-care, like making time for hobbies and friends. The skills you're gaining now will serve you well in finding a better suited opportunity. You've already accomplished so much through your education. Have faith that with time, you'll find a career path that aligns with your strengths and personality. Just take it one day at a time and be proud of small wins.