My Overthinking + Anxiety Fiascoes
In the matter of a couple of weeks my anxiety, overthinking and extreme overanalyzing has become more problematic. I feel weak. And ultimately I feel like a Prisoner trapped in my own mind.
I feel like a delicate antique cup. I feel like I am an easily triggered and very gentle person who requires a substantial amount of reassurance and tender loving care.
I get drained so easily for social interactions. I feel like such a failure because socializing to me has become a 'chore' or a 'duty' rather than something I should be doing for enjoyment/amusement.
I struggle with my sleeping. I have an abnormal sleep schedule. Eventually I succumb to afternoon naps, just to help me get through the rest of the day.
In romantic relationships, I get jealous.. I overthink, I never feel 'enough' and I tear myself apart. I have had relationships in the past with abusive men who have compared me and even admitted to admiring other women's beauty over mine. So naturally, I do get jealous.
I get triggered easily. I feel like I am not even 'functioning' as a human being at the moment. And I feel like my antidepressants are not exactly doing their job.
I'm struggling with my self esteem and I don't even feel like a 'rational' human being at the moment.
I feel so alone with my thoughts.
I battle with these negative thoughts on a daily basis. It becomes so exhausting. Eventually I just lay under my blanket on the sofa and watch television, because lately that has been my only comfort. I feel so stuck and so alone. I feel like I'm failing. I am on university break at the moment and I feel so lost and confused.
I am recognizing that I am also processing a lot of trauma. My mother was psychologically and emotionally abusive so that really modified my rational thinking. I remember getting yelled at as I sat in the bath, bawling my eyes out. As she yelled derogatory terms at me as I wept in pain and confusion.
I remember getting screamed at by my ex boyfriend at a supermarket as I made an innocent mistake and started having an anxiety attack. I remember how he shouted at me in his car, telling me how pathetic and immature I was because I got the trolley disc stuck in the coin dispenser.
We appreciate you finding the strength and courage to post about your feelings around your internal struggles. As you are aware, we are quite a supportive community.
We acknowledge and understand that you feel like you are quite fragile on the inside, and this has been the case for quite a while. And yet, you continue finding the strength to push forward, trying relationships, and attending university.
We would like to encourage you to give yourself permission to enjoy wrapping yourself up in your blanket and watching TV so you can relax and recover your strength. This helps you get ready to return to university, or any other aspect of life, which you should choose to engage with.
Whenever the internal memories and dialogue become too intense, we would like to encourage you to call BeyondBlue Support Service on 1300 22 4636, or Lifeline on 13 1114. Both of these services are 24/7, and both are open every day of the year.
Please feel free to continue posting and keep us updated if you wish.