My brother gives me anxitey!

[Olliepop]

My brother, middle child, is very pushy and narcissistic.

He always thinks he is right, he always is so judgmental on people, hes rude, he doesn't listen, when we all reach our breaking points, then he pipes down a little bit.

I blame my mother, for never allowing my father to punish him and learn discipline at a young age like my older brother did. She forever covers for him, till this day.

I find the more i avoid him, and a situation he is in the better. We do work together, which isnt easy, but avoiding him throughout the day i have learn how to manage.

I have realized, anything that changes in my life, he over involves himself and sometimes i cant help but feel i have to start defending myself when he starts commenting, or asking too many questions.

Recently, my husband left his job, which he was very unhappy in.

My husband continues to provide, in his own ways, i just don't inform everyone on what he does, which to me is perfectly fine, and its none of anyones business. Were happy. We both have an income. There is nothing to talk about.

My husband purchased me a brand new car, and recently sold my current. My husband is a thinker, if the new car is coming soon, why wait to sell the current when we can manage together getting to and from places, have the funds ready to lay into the new car when its time.

My brother starts commenting, why sell the car before the new one?.. how can you both get around blah blah blah. If we manage, its none of your business. My husband has told my brother he left the previous job, but my brother still asks me acting dumb, and when i get on the defense explaining why things were done, he doesnt reply and ignores me.. in which i stated, you shouldn't judge situations when you dont know first hand how people feel. he snaps back with im not judging but that happens in all workplaces, it happens here, i even do it. For him to hear himself, i dont respond. and then i think he realized what he was saying then goes on pretending he hasn't made me react, so now IM the one who is upset and hes moved on acting all cool. I find the more i try to voice my opinion to make my brother back off, the worse it gets, but its also not okay NOT voicing my opinion too. My brother is easily jealous of situations, who has the better house, who has the better car, and when people move in silence, and he doesnt know whats going on, i believe he doesnt like that.

Some advice on how to handle him please!

Annoyed sister.

[Olliepop]

*sigh* we do... all the family, at the start it was fun, when i was a push over and did anything he demanded... then i got married and my husband reminded both him and i that i have an opinion and then the tension started.

my older brother, has put him in his place alot more..but the middle one now twists and turns things and now they are closer, and i do feel a little left out, but i try not over think this.. because that is a problem of mine i still work on (over thinking). But the middle one loves that.

Yep, i am the same.. why would we want to go out of our way to spend time with anyone who makes us feel like that, and wont go out of their way to make us feel happy?... my child doesnt see him much besides events.

I recall one he tried to make an episode, on how i dont give him enough time of day.. and i responded with some whiteknight feedback " sorry you feel that way because thats not that case " and he stopped.. because him overreacting to a reaction, made him look silly.

He overshares when he isnt happy with his wife.. i could never find myself talking like that about my husband. ever. even if i was that upset.

My husband, CANT STAND my middle brother... and middle knows it. and im okay with that.. middle isnt 🙂 xx

[white knight]

There is a need some of us dont respond to once we have a full time partner and that is "controlling your life". Once the art of controlling it which involves listening to your needs, caring for yourself and focussing on those you love and like, life becomes a happy daily event.

The issue with problem siblings can range wide, jealousy, intimidation carried over from childhood, even if parents are elderly wills and asset grabbing comes into play. So this is important- you are a free person, you can go through life rejecting people that you find toxic and dont be fooled with others say "but he's your brother" - that is NOT a good enough reason to tolerate him.

The fact that your husband doesnt like your brother is also reason enough to question why you tolerate him. Now I heard on the grapevine that my estranged sister said "Tony will see me one day maybe when our parents will is read out". Umm, no, if anything I'll have a solicitor represent me. So these toxic people like to get under your skin and as they are blood or an ex partner you wont be able to go through life without thinking of them, thats normal. But I limit it, 20 minutes absolute maximum, usually 3-5 minutes. Then find a distraction!

At family events I wont attend if my sister or mother is present. The fact that I find them both toxic and destructive is my judgement, my decision and they have problems they dont see, they can live with them.

My mental health is more important to me, my wife and my daughter than tolerating people that introduce sadness in my life.

"There's happy times, laughing, running through a field, sitting on a hilltop so still a bird lands on your shoulder, chirps then flies off.... then there are those...."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhrtbBrMQ1Y

TonyWK