Mixed anxiety-depression - let's talk about it.

[CSmith]

I have had troubles with anxiety for as long as I can remember, but it wasn't until I was diagnosed with mixed anxiety-depression (this year), that I actually realised that how I have been living is very energy-consuming and no healthy. There are times when I feel absolutely fine and can talk to anyone without felling self-conscious or worthless, but there are other times when the anxiety is so bad that I just repeat negative and hurtful thoughts about myself in my mind, like my own mantra. I go to university and find it quite difficult to walk into a room that has more than a few people in it. If I am late to class, I usually don't go. But the main thing that gets me is that when I look around and see people being so carefree and completely comfortable in their own skin, it makes me hate myself more and I often get very emotional about this. I feel like I put more pressure on myself to be better than I can, because it shouldn't actually be this hard. What I really want is to be able to enjoy my life and not feel so trapped within my own body.

I am trying to meditate when I can, but so far I don't think that much of a change has occurred. I am also talking to a counsellor regularly, and this has helped me work through some of my issues. Are there any other ideas for dealing with anxiety and/or depression (besides medication) that anyone thinks are beneficial?

[white knight]

Hi C smith. welcome to BB. Glad you posted here.

Firstly I have depression, anxiety, bipolar 2 and dysthymia. And likely ADHD when young that I grew out of and possibly some BPD that has been handed down by my mother. There is often (as I understand it) cases of other mental illnesses overlapping so it is possible to suffer a bit of these too. We are all individuals in respect to mental illness. - it isnt so black and white. So just be open to this as you age- other symptoms might appear or become apparent. Ongoing consultations are good for this reason.

My anxiety has however lessened as I have aged. I'm 58yo now. What has assisted this is planning my life eg city to country move, seeking out the ideal partner, financial security and discarding toxic relationships.

What I have noted over the years that those that seem to be so confident in doing tasks eg your example of entering a room full of people with confidence, might not have other abilities that you possess. eg you might be more artistic. It is a form of compensation in ones mind that again we are all different and need to accept ourselves worts and all, for better or worse, in order to move forward in life.

As far as meditation is concerned I found relaxation more effective. Tensing up each set of muscles for 30 seconds then moving onto the next set. Then in the end tensing all of them up then letting go. Often I'm totally relaxed at the end. You can read up on these techniques on the www. It works over the medium to long term. I often do this in bed if I cant sleep.

There are also philosophy  readings that have guided my mind. Google Maharaji (Prem Rawat) on youtube. He is amazing as he teaches the key to the inner self. I've listened to him for 30 years. So beneficial.

There is no "normal". It was finally in my 40's when I accepted this. And I began the "well that's how I am and I'm proud of myself and if other's dont like it too bad" routine.  It is common for middle aged persons to be like this - why?  Because they are so fed up with 30 years of being 'different', ostracized, embarrassed, hurt and alone. When all along they are unique, special, wonderful and beautiful...

So, as you are already getting treatment you might like to work on acceptance of yourself, loving yourself, exploring your inner self (includes inner abilities, hobbies, sport, interests). then you can walk into a room full of others and you'll mutter to yourself "too bad what they think".....

good luck

[BenD]

White Knight that is such a heartening response. I'm 22 and I thought that the anxiety and depression I'm carrying around now might weigh down on me for the rest of my life, but hearing about your experience in dealing/managing it has brightened me up. Thankyou for that.

CSmith for the record you are not alone, if I'm late to uni most of the time I will just skip class rather than walk in and have everyone look at me. +1 from me for using Philosophy to overcome it too (its one of my majors 🙂

Have a nice day.

[JillCameTumbling]

Thanks from me also WK for the good post. I've only discovered in the last couple of years that I have a problem with anxiety, when I always labelled myself as a person with depression. Adding another 'diagnosis' or condition disheartened me greatly. 

Hopefully I can't start a little along that journey of acceptance you mention... Though I must admit I'm anxious how long that may take. Irony intended 🙂

if just one person wouldn't mind replying to my post I would greatly appreciate it. As much as my husband does his best to understand, I still feel quite alone sometimes. 

Thanks all,

J

[white knight]

Hi Jill,

Acceptance of our condition. mmm, it took a long time. About 10 years for me. But its subjective- different for anyone.  

Thoughts that helped me accept it were-

That many people = 1 in 5 in their lifetime will experience a mental illness of some sort. That I reckon for every one person with a mental illness there are 5 or more that have one but NEVER seek treatment. Often due to the stigma of it.  That some families have traits....that often can outweigh mental illness as far as their effects.  An example- arrogance is not a mental illness and apart from self observation there is no cure. But it can be hard to live with and maybe harder than a person with depression correctly medicated???? Persons with mental illness often have a built in compensation feature eg artistic and creative.  Mine is poetry...yours?

Ignorance is among a great percentage of people that dont have a mental illness. Furthermore often they dont even want to know about it nor learn about it....hence they dont want to take the time to ask you questions about it.

Add all this up and you soon, over time, realise that you are not so bad after all. 

You have a mental illness.....with correct diagnosis, medication and management its not as bad as freckles.....

Seriously, there are many things that give you comfort when finally you have your illness under control with stability. Observing a person with what is clearly a mental illness and they refuse to do something about it or are unapproachable makes you realise how far you've come with the journey.

It takes one to know one....

[JillCameTumbling]

Hi and thank you WK for another succinct and much appreciated post. My "compensation" as you so positively phrased it is music... And last year I finally appreciated how important it is to me and took steps to make sure I have time for it. 

still working on finding the right meds so that is frustrating. 

Hubby does well at trying to understand but I think friends don't know what to say most of the time. 

Finally working up the courage to post in this forum has been good- nice to connect with others who "get it". 

Thanks again, J.