Lost in my own mind

[Suffocating-thoughts]

I suffer from social anxiety and agoraphobia and I don't feel like anyone understands me and how I feel day to day.

I had separation issues with my mother as a young kid where id be pyshically throwing up uncontrollably every time she left me, which led to me being very shy and nervous all the time, through school I was bullied alot, either called the fat girl, the shy girl, or vomit girl.. I dropped out of school very early due to  bullying and never went back..My sister is a narcasist, she thrives on making others miserable, growing up she would always tease me, bully me and even hit me, call me stupid and tell me I'd never get anywhere in life, then 8years ago I was stalked by a man who knew right down to where I live, he was put in jail and 

recently released, now I spend day to day worrying if he's back out there and if he's going to find me again. 

I'm constantly scared of men when they look at me, I'm scared of what people think of me, If they're judging me or if they're going to hurt me.. When an attack starts I lose all control, my anxiety takes over and I start shaking, crying, hyperventilating and vomiting.. I'm seeing a psychologist in a week, but I was just wondering if anyone had experienced anything similar and had any advice on how to overcome these fears? It's at the point where I don't even want to work I'm that scared of meeting new people, new environment, not knowing what to expect 😔

[dougall]

Hi Doolhof thank you

[Suffocating-thoughts]

Hi all,

Today actually went pretty well, although her responses to everything I told her was "oh my" "oh wow" "that's terrible" she was a great listener, I did think she'd have more to say than just that, but she looked very lost for words, she gave me breathing exercises to practice to calm myself down 🙂 

She's a very busy woman though and I won't see her again until the 1st of December 😔

[Doolhof]

Hello again,

Sounds like the lady was listening to you anyway! That is a god thing. I went to a person once to talk out my problems and she did all the talking! Ha. Ha. I felt like she was the one needing counselling and I was the therapist!

I'm glad the appointment wasn't as daunting as you thought it might have been. It is a good thing you have another appointment booked. Try the breathing exercises and see how they go.

You know you always have this wonderful community of people here to "listen" care for you and offer advice and encouragement during the time between appointments. Use the help lines as well if you get too stuck!

I will be looking out for your posts to learn how you are getting on. Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[dougall]

Hi glad the appointment was not a disappointment and you got through it so happy for you.

[Suffocating-thoughts]

Hi all, 

Love the support here! It really does help lift my moods 😊

I was freaking out so much before it because I didn't know what to expect but it went way better then I thought, I'm hoping that the time between the app will give her time to find better responses to what I told her, she was crazily writing away with everything I said, she had about 10pages of a A4 notebook full :s 

She's seems to think my biggest fear is someone harming me, which Is exactly spot on, but her n I are both left wandering what's given me this fear, recurring nightmares started at the age of 5 of my being hurt and kidnapped, so she believes it was something before I was 5 that's done it to me either being a victim of assault or sexual assault or a witness, and I really don't know what to tell her.. I don't remember back that young, and my parents have nothing to tell me either.. So I really don't know, I guess it could have something to do with my separation with my mother with me only trusting her, then witnessing a few assaults and being a victim of a sexual assault in the past few years could have pushed my fears over the edge.. But that still doesn't explain my nightmares of such a young age of these things happening.. 

Wish I could remeber clearly from when I was born till 5, that would be useful! 

[Doolhof]

Hi ST,

Great to hear back from you again. I don't really know much about these things, but I am wondering if some "regression" sessions might help you to remember is anything did happen to you just before the nightmares began.

Then again, do you really want to know if it was something hideous and awful? I don't know if I would want to find out the truth or not.

In some ways it would be very helpful to find the answer and deal with it. Sounds like this lady is wanting to help you.

With the regression thing, I had a Christian lady do this with me, she managed to take me back thorough the time my Mum was actually pregnant with me, and through my early childhood years.

I don't remember a lot of what came up through the session, and I don't really know how it works or if it really is good for you or not, but it was interesting!

Maybe discuss this with your lady and see what she has to say.

I'm wishing you well on this journey of yours. Once we know what is behind our problems, we can learn how to deal with them better.

All the best, cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools

[dougall]

Hi it takes time to remember things from our child hood they come back in flashes when we are not trying so hard to think of them.  You may find the more you talk to this lady the more you will remember.  You sound lighter.

[Suffocating-thoughts]

Hi all, 

Not too sure now if I really want to know what happened if something did happen, it might make me worse 😞 but then again I want to know answers.. 

😣