Racked by guilt for my Anxiety Disorder.

[Mal50]

Hello,

for years I felt my Anxiety Disorder/Panic Attacks gradually getting worse. I've tried to talk to my GP about it in the hope of being referred to someone who might be able to help me, but my GP just looks at me blankly. A few years ago I was taking my two sons to a Theme Park for a fun day and then I suddenly began having a severe panic attack and completely lost it. I was screaming uncontrollably and couldn't stop. My sons were terrified and in tears. Since then I've asked them to forgive me, and even though they have I cant forgive myself and have been racked by heavy guilt ever since.

What can I do?  😞

[White_Rose]

Hello Mal

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for your story. As a fellow traveler with panic attacks I can fully relate to your very scary experience.  Just a few months ago I had a panic attack in the night and in desperation called an ambulance.  It took me a week to fully recover. Horrible.

At the top of the page under Resources or under The Facts you can access a list of GPs who are experienced in the management of mental illnesses. The list is searchable by postcode so hopefully you can find a good GP in your area. I do hope so.

I have never been treated specifically for anxiety and panic as they have been part of my depression.  Or so I thought until recently. Maybe they are separate illnesses and have separate management processes. It is certainly worthwhile to check it out. Talking to a doctor who has some knowledge and experience in these matters is a good first step.

A doctor can refer you to a psychologist who is experienced in these matters and can also put you on a mental health plan which will entitle you to 10 free consultations per year.

How old are your sons? It may be useful for you to talk to a new GP about the effect of your episode on them and whether it would be a good idea for them to talk to a child psychologist. Just to make sure they understand what happened and why.

Please stop beating yourself up about this.It's not your fault and although I have suggested getting someone to check out your boys, in realty children cope with this sort of thing quite well. A good explanation is often all they need.

You need to know, if possible, what triggers these panic attacks so that you can avoid situations where it is likely to happen.  When this is not possible, to have strategies in place to manage. It's also good that at least on other person with you knows in advance that this can happen and what they should do.

Last suggestion. Look under the tabs again and read the information about anxiety. Beyond Blue will send you any of the material you need, free of charge.

Keeping posting here if it helps. There will always be a reply.

Warm regards

Mary

[Jo3]

Hi Mal

I would change GP's.  See someone else who will treat you with respect.  Panic attacks are horrible, I have had a few of them while driving at night. So I can understand how scary it must have been for you and your children.

I think you need to seek professional advice eg. pyschologist to talk to about your anxiety and panic attacks.  Pls dont feel guilty, this is a mental illness that with the right medication and help from a psych you will be okay.

Hope to hear from you again, let us know how you go.

Take care

Jo

[Ajirmat46]

Hi Mal50,

 My advice would be to try not to feel guilty. For me feeling guilt has been an unnecessary torture. Unfortunately you have mental health problems which is not your fault. You have tried to seek help. Yesterday I finally picked up the courage to see a GP who was really unhelpful. I think we have both managed to pick bad eggs.  I feel like I have needed to fight to get help which is hard to muster whilst also experiencing mental illness. I spoke to someone from Beyond Blue and they recommended that I see a GP who is listed on the Beyond Blue website as they are meant to be experienced with mental health. I'm going to give that a go.

[TheSteve]

Mal,

I responded on your other post. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you, that is a really uncomfortable thing to have to go through. But it is NOT shameful, not at all. "Panic attacks" are part of every day life for some of us, and for others they are one-time or occasional events. They are horrible, scary, severely uncomfortable - but nothing to be ashamed or guilty of. They just happen.

The problem is, once we have one, they scare us so bad and it is simply the fear of it happening again, that causes the necessary anxiety to trigger another one. So, they are a nasty cycle. However, they can be overcome with understanding of their physiology, breathing techniques, mindfulness techniques, and acceptance. You can do this, as well as get over the guilt.

Please, go and see a behavioural therapist and get started. They do not have to ruin your life, trust me. All the best.

Steve

[Mal50]

Thank you Mary and everyone else for your thoughtful responses,

my sons are grown up now and we get along well. I know that what happened that particular day seriously affected them. They don't like to talk about it, and they've never been to a Theme Park since then. I feel like I've betrayed them and can't forgive myself for the horrible fear I caused them. My worst panic attacks happen when I'm driving on a motorway or highway, I think I'm going to lose control and crash, so avoid them at all cost and try and use any available back roads.

[TheSteve]

Mal,

What happened to you mate was out of your control, was not deliberate or intentional. You didn't have a choice, everything in your life up to that point led to that panic attack. It was unavoidable. And that is ok.

You are an excellent parent, and you need to acknowledge this. You genuinely care not just about your kids, but about how they perceive you and perceive the world. You clearly care about their development. There are many parents out there who, for reasons of their own, DO intentionally harm their children or other people; or do NOT care about their actions and how they affect others. And they DO have something to be guilty about. You do not.

Hold your head up.

Steve