Loosing Everything

[P_]

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post online about my anxiety and feel like i am loosing everything. 

I have a loving (but frustrated) wife and two beautiful girls who adore me yet my anxiety and depression are pushing me over the edge. 

It all started about two years ago after we moved into our new house on a bit of land which had no neighbors except for an old pensioner who loved his gardening. It was great but we soon had a new house built beside us and the noise (which really was minimal) from the new neighbor sent me into a spiral of panic and anxiety around being able to hear them at night. I went to a Councillor  but found it fairly unhelpful and the only thing that seemed to help was headphones on the PC or not being home at all on weekend. 

Things changed and the neighbors  separated leaving the house empty most of the time and things returned to normal while the house is on the market.

Our neighbor (old guy) was then murdered by some people who were staying with him (friends of the family) and the house was then empty up until about 2 weeks ago.

The new people who have moved in are "social" (3 parties in two weeks until all hours) which has sent me into a very bad spiral. I am not eating, spending either all my time away from home or with my headphones on avoiding the world........ I feel like leaving my house and my family is my only option....... and the scary thing is that i know they will hate me (i will hate me) but i am ok with that.

Decided to meet them to try and bring back in the crazy which helped as they said they are quiet people and wont notice them......... Two days later another party.

I have made an appointment to see my doctor but as i am away for work for two weeks it isn't until the 14th of March.......... I am thinking that if i am not better when i get back i will leave.

I just want it to be over and i am fine when at work etc.

My wife has been really understanding but is getting close to the end of her patience and is now telling me that i need to harden up.

 Please help

[metcom3]

Hi P_. I am really hoping you might be able to share with me whether you ended up resolving the issue. I am in a similar situation. I am anxious all the time at home about the possibility of there being party noise from my neighbours. I had lived in Richmond in inner Melbourne in a townhouse for 10 years until recently. In recent years, I lived in fear of noise from partying neighbours. I purchased the house next door to mine, thinking that would solve the problem, but then I only had more noisy neighbours from the house behind. If I heard their front door closing, I would worry there might be people visiting and going to have a party that night. I could not take it any longer, so I made a big decision, took out a huge bank loan, and purchased a 1 acre block out of Melbourne with only one neighbour. After moving, I felt so much better.... until that one neighbour had a big party. Loud music, shouting, drunkenness. Even though their house is a considerable distance from mine, I feel threatened once again. Like you, I wear headphones at my computer as they give me peace. I also feel much more relaxed from Sunday through to Thursday, and when it's raining, because there is less chance of parties, and I find myself trying to avoid being home on Saturday evenings because I fear there may be noise. Saturdays are the most difficult day of the week for me (today is Saturday) because I fear there will be a party. It's only party noise such as music and people talking/shouting in a party context on a neighbouring property that bothers me. Traffic noise doesn't bother me, nor does noise at work or in a shopping centre. However, partying neighbours makes me lose my appetite instantly, my body goes into absolute panic and I become extremely tired very quickly. I cease to be able to function - my mind entirely consumed by the issue of the noise. I saw a doctor about it who referred me to a psychologist, who recommended 'mindfulness exercises'. However, I can't make the connection between the mindfulness exercises and the issue. Did you manage to improve your situation? How did you do it? Is there anything I can learn from your experience?

[Peterman]

Hi metcom3. I've just read your post from 2018 in reply to P's post about anxiety caused from neighbour's loud music and partying. I feel exactly how you describe yourself. Anxious much of the time, especially weekend times. My wife and I (plus out two kids) bought a house four years ago in what we thought was a serene part of the hills. We were very quickly made aware of two different neighbours' very loud aggressive dogs which barked a lot! This made me instantly anxious and gave me a sense of hopelessness - we'd just bought a house, a huge commitment, and were stuck with these dogs. I eventually approached both neighbours. One was reasonable, and over time the dog's behaviour improved. The other was initially aggressive and very confrontational, but over time has calmed down. They have also made an effort with their dog. However, in addition to this, we have a third neighbour who is a youngish bloke (prob early 20s) who has inherited his house from his parents, so our nice dog-free neighbours tell us. He has played loud music from time to time, but over the last six months the frequency and volume has increased, including loud band practices complete with much foul language. To make matters worse, his property has "no trespassers" signs up, and he has recently added a loud barking dog to his arsenal, which often barks throughout the band sessions. For these reasons, I haven't approached him in person. Some months ago I wrote him a letter, including my contact details, and put it in his letterbox. No response. Several weeks ago, after a Friday night of much noise, I called the police, who came and put an end to things. The week just gone by, however, the silly season between Christmas and New Year, has seen a week-long gathering of his mates. And while the music hasn't been as loud as it sometimes has, there has been much noise, yelling, dogs fighting, etc... My anxiety has been through the roof. And, still raw from the two dog neighbours, I am stressing! Metcom3, I don't mean to burden you with all my problems, but I guess my symptoms seem to similar to yours I thought I'd strike up a conversation. Have you had any success with your issues? I'm currently trying headphones and white noise apps, but don't want to put up a barrier between my wife and kids and I. Have seen a couple of psychologists, but with little helpfulness. Cheers, and hope you're in a better place!