Life is looking up! So why am I scared!?

[Solosombra]

Life is actually going good in a lot of areas. More then usual anyway! So why is it scaring me to the point I can't enjoy any of my current success?

Am I just being stupid? Has anyone else had this happened before?

[Doolhof]

Hi Solosombra,

I have just met you in the BB Café and decided to find your post, so here I am! I've not come across any of your other threads before, so do not know much about your story or situation.

You may feel this way because you might have experienced negative times and depressing events in life and that is what you may unconsciously think you life is worth.

During different periods in my life, it has been hard for me to accept that people actually like me for who I am. There have been many occasions in my life where I have felt degraded, neglected and unworthy of any love or help.

So when the good times came along, it was difficult to accept that and to not think that life would turn nasty again.

Hopefully this is making some sense. When you are used to thinking one way, believing life can not get better, but it does, then it is hard to accept that and to realise this can be the new way of things for you.

In the back of your mind you might be waiting for the bubble to burst and for the gloom to return. It doesn't have to! Today is the first day of the rest of your life!

If the negative stuff does return, you will know that it doesn't have to be that way. You have experienced some good times, you know how to get there.

Accept the worrying thoughts as just thoughts and doubts. Tell yourself you can keep trying each day to be the person you want to be.

I'm sure a lot of people feel similar to you and I, they may just not know how to express it, so thanks for sharing this with us all.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Solosombra]

Mrs dools: thank you for taking the time out to read my thread and reply! It means a lot 🙂

I feel like there is a lot of truth to what you are saying lately it feels like now I've reached this pinnacle in my life I have to sit back and wait for disaster? If that makes sense?? It sort of feels like procrastination mixed with dread!

Hope your day goes well

Kiamau

[blondguy]

Hi Kiamau

There's nothing stupid about it at all. You bring up a good point. Overthinking (catastrophising) too much can make all the good things in our lives blurry. I have been working with my doc about this for many years and I understand where you are coming from.

Sometimes a tired mind is like driving a car without a steering wheel...the car just goes in directions that you dont want it to go in...

Overthinking/Intrusive thought processes can be worked on with your doc. Even now I am going back in to see my doc more frequently for 'tune ups' so I dont go back to overthinking again

I hope that made some sense Kiamau

Nice to talk to you 🙂

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[Starwolf]

Hey Kiamau,

Dools and Paul have given you great advice and -I hope- some reassurance that what you are feeling now is familiar to many of us and understandable.

When Life has been treating us unkindly in the past , it becomes difficult to trust it again. Life is what it is, made of ups and downs. It is all about change and being able to flow with it. No one can escape this fact. But yes, it is more difficult when our "downs" have made us scrape the bottom of the barrel. That's somewhere we don't want to return. So it's easy to live in fear of this eventuality...and miss out on the real good times.

So we must learn to take things as they come. Accept and adjust. Not an easy call but living in the moment is what gets us through...so does keeping in mind that the scary scenarios we concoct in our head never make it into reality. Being fully focused on the here and now is the way to enjoy it without thoughts of an imagined future spoiling the fun. The past has no future and the future may never happen. The present moment is all we have, provided we're also 100% there to live it. Distracting the mind with favorite activities is a good plan. Reading a captivating book or watching/playing a basketball game, does away with all else. At other times, the unfocused mind strays in unwanted directions.

I know this is easier said than done but there's a way to control intruding thoughts. First by becoming aware of them before they take hold. Persistently deleting negative ones and replacing them with a more attractive version. The more detailed the better. Then bring straying attention back to the here and now because it's the only reality. With practice, you can become good at this.

It is not easy. Once established, mind patterns are stubborn old things. They tend to linger in the background, long after we think them gone. Persistence is the key. Everything new is difficult at first, until it becomes a habit. De-programming and re- programming. Establishing a new pattern takes time and dedication. But it's doable.

Have fun Kiamau and cross ricketty bridges when they come. If they come. Things are not going well for me at the moment but right now, I choose to be fully here with you. All else has disappeared. It hasn't gone away but it has no hold on me. I am just enjoying time in your virtual company.

Thanks for being in my here and now. Have a great day.

[pipsy]

Hi Kiamau. You've been feeling a bit down today, understandable when you've just passed the anniversary of losing your baby. That coupled with all your other unpleasant experiences will make you ask 'what's next?' Whenever we have experiences of one bad thing after another, naturally, we question, what's next. It doesn't have to be that way, though. If things are good for you now, why shouldn't that continue. I went through similar thoughts when my hubby's parents, him and other negative aspects in my life seemed to plague me. As I started to change and grow within myself, I realised my life was mine. I had taken back the control, it was up to me how to live life and how to procrastinate. If you allow every set-back (and there will be set-backs, that's life), if you allow them to 'get to you', they will. If you can learn to smile, shrug and accept, things won't seem half as bad. It's only when we take on board, things that 'go bump in the night', that it knocks us. I still have 'bad' days, I just don't allow them to overtake the good days. Enjoy the good, laugh at the bad.

Lynda

[Doolhof]

Hi Kiamau,

As you can see, there are a few people here who connect with how you are feeling. I've just discovered you here on this thread. Pipsy has mentioned that you must have posted elsewhere about the anniversary of an anniversary for a baby who died.

I have not seen that post, but will have a look for it now. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Strange word isn't it..loss! I've experienced the "loss" of babies, their anniversaries and coping with events like Christmas and uncelebrated birthdays.

Back to this post, I can well understand the confusion you must be feeling, life has dealt you some really tough stuff, now things are looking up and you don't want to go backwards.

As others have mentioned, we can dread stuff before it happens or try to work our way through it. An example, my parents are coming to stay for a few days. Mum has a habit of turning everything into a disaster and reminds me of how I vomited on her when I was a baby, that kind of stuff.

Dad likes to sit in my husband's chair at the table, no one sits in my husband's chair! My husband glares at me expecting me to ask my Dad to move. I tell my husband he should get to the table first and secure his chair!

Breakfast turns into a mayor event, you would think we were planning for the next launch of a rocket not just sitting down to eat!

Instead of feeling like I want to yell and scream and run away from my own house, my sister tells me I should just laugh. That is a much better option!

So I am going to change my way of thinking around my parents visiting us and try to do things differently. It does not have to be a disaster. Then again, if it is, then I don't have to take it all on board!

Ah. Time for a few deep breaths! Ha. Ha.

Cheerio, from Mrs. Dools

[CMF]

Hi Kiamau,

i hear you. When things used to start looking up for me I used to sit and wait fir them to crash again, like the good could never just continue. After reading you post I've just realised that I no longer do this. I've removed negativity and limit my interactions with toxic people as much as possible. I've taught myself that if something doesn't go right there is a solution and I do have options. I've learnt to be grateful and appreciate all I have and not feel sad for what I don't have. I am trying to learn to let things go, not let u important things fill my mind and dampen my spirit. I question myself will it matter in a week, a month, 6 months, a year? If it won't matter then let it go.

i know you have been through immense trauma. I personally find that reading pisitive quotes helps me and even bought a few little pocket book which I used to carry in my handbag and read when I felt I needed the lift.

i hope this helps. It's taken me quite some time over the last 5 years or so to get to this point and as I said, I hadn't even realised I reached it till I read your post.

it takes time, baby steps to alter this wAy of thinking. I learnt that by thinking positive thoughts, positive things happen.

take care

cmf

[CMF]

I found this one, I quite like it:

Sometimes you need to tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to just shut up and sit down.

cmf x

[Gruffudd]

Hi Kiamau,

One year I had a similar conversation with my mother. We were reflecting on having had a year without some kind of chaos or difficulty. It seemed then that something else was sure to happen and we both had noticed ourselves to be expecting bad things. I think that awareness and vigilance did change how we lived and how much we enjoyed things.

So of course in the years later there have been things, but not every year and not that we could have seen coming. And it is easier to handle stuff when it happens less often.

From my point of view you could have found a new normal where the top of the mountain is an everyday thing. It takes time to get used to that because it is a big change. I hope that is your future, I know you have worked hard to get to now.

Rob.