Learning to let go on control

[criss]

Hi everyone. Ive been struggling with this for years. Im not a seemingly strong control freak but, over the years I have learned to manage and assert my life and conduct in a certain way in order to progress effectively and feel comfortable without of course, hurting anyone. I ask alot of questions so I can make informed decisions. This brings me peace of mind. I noticed lately, many people operate and respond at different levels, some outright avoid, or redirect questions as to not be accountable etc. My issue is I feel anxious or frustrated when others dont answer the question, or answer a question with a question or dont give me a timeline for things when I ask.I mean this by way of everyday comitments and things to do such as dealing with companies online and off, trade, or every day issues with people at work or otherwise that require info for me to do a project or something. I find myself really stressing, feeling lost and out of control, not heard or respected. I understand everyone has issues but I just feel that times have changed and society just dont want to deal with others or common expectations or comittments. When I feel I can gain control of my circumstances and am at the mercy of waiting constantly for others it really affects me and my outlook. I get down, negative and it makes me feel like being the same back because thats the only way people learn. I hate being like that because its not my true self.

Just putting it out there. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Re: " I hate being like that because its not my true self." Yes, revenge is not in your veins so you'll never end up as revengeful as those that master it. Hence dont try. But what is the answer to your stress over toxic, non responsible inconsiderate people? Well decades after I tried in my 20's to escape society for similar reasons, 5 attempts, into the bush I went only to emerge hungry and broke, I found the answer- the half way mark. Changes to my life included-

• Move from the city/major towns to a minor country town with facilities about 3-4000 population. Supermarket, medical etc.
• Remove toxic people from your personal life no matter who they are even family
• Make warm caring people your family members, embrace them 
• Withdraw from community groups 
• Attend sports or hobby groups but after those events return home and not extend visits to others homes unless very special people
• Refrain from after hours work events like xmas break up, if you have to attend slip out the door after a short time
• Hone your communication skills especially leaving messages- your aim is for them to call you back not to make friends. Leave a note for yourself you called, time and date and repeat the next day. Be robotic on this and expect they wont call you back as that's life, people are like that, acceptance is best, not anger.
• Visit your GP as anxiety and/or other things may have developed

Remember only the sensitive and caring get hurt, the saying "toughen up sunshine" has merit in a world of people without feelings. It's you only way to survive in a world of "only the strongest survive". But remain true to yourself as a loving and caring human being. 

Quote- "one of my main regrets in life is giving considerable thought to inconsiderable people" - Jarod Kintz

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/worry-worry-worry/td-p/87808

TonyWK

[criss]

Thankyou so much for yr feedback, I really liked that last quote

Quote- "one of my main regrets in life is giving considerable thought to inconsiderable people" - Jarod Kintz

This quote really touched me. So true to life and how i feel. 

Yes acceptance and choosing who and how I deal with people; i.e. sifting through toxicity is a mission of mine now and has been for a while. Yes ive ways been a sensitive considerate type and maybe stepping back, letting go is the best approach. Im reading Tara Brach Radical Acceptance. Such simple philosophies yet so proundly deep and difficult at times.

[Mark Z.]

Hi criss,

Thanks for sharing your experience. I think it's a great inspiration for many of us, for finding our inner peace in this chaotic world. Thank you.

Mark