Just a rant

[Fairmaiden64]

I've been in bed mostly since Christmas day. I hate this time of year. It impacts my MH greatly. Making today worse, I have yet another rental inspection. These really take their toll on my OCD. Because I'm so anal, it can take me more than a full day to do just one room, I can't let go of one hair, a piece of lint, dust etc and don't get me started on when a beam of sunlight shines and I can the dust again. I have had nervous breakdowns in the past due to this. The rental inspections went to 6 monthly and now have randomly started at 3 monthly again. I am at breaking point when it can take me 2 weeks to get everything to what my brain accepts as reasonable, inside and outside of the house for these. It just seems like that's all I do. The agent's comments and the owner's comments are always wonderful on how my house is, but I wish it could go to a year or not at all anymore. 13 months ago, I fell off a ladder and broke my wrist and 3 ribs and damaged my skull, 2 hours before inspection. I stayed for inspection because I don't want strangers in my home when I'm not there going through my things. Then I went to the hospital. Unfortunately, I was about to start a job, after living off my savings and Centrelink while studying up, until I broke my wrist and ribs. The timing was bad and while the physical aspects have finally healed, my MH has deteriorated significantly i that time. I think it is getting much worse as I get older actually and the PTSD is debilitating now. Still, I was once again preparing to go out there because I can't live on Centrelink. The entire amount is almost my rent now. Yet, as soon as I think of attempting this, here comes another rental inspection to mess with my OCD again. Thanks for listening to my rant guys

[123cats]

Hi There @fairmaiden64

I so feel you about inspections … they are so intrusive and I don’t have OCD about it but I like things presented nicely and that’s stressful enough. In general though they just want to see tenants are not punching holes in wall or wrecking the place so have to remember that.

I don’t know why this time of year impacts MH so much and for so many people it seems. I was fine Xmas day but my anxiety spiked Boxing Day and has been high since plus feeling very low in mood. 
Hopefully you get this inspection out of the way and can relax for now. Big hugs. 

[sbella02]

Fairmaiden64,

Thank you for reaching out to us, I can sense your distress in your post. Welcome to the forums, we're happy to have you here.

OCD can be debilitating, as you've described. It's not nice to experience distress that compels us to perform tasks to an often unrealistic degree. You also seem to have had a few quite traumatic injuries, and I'm sorry to hear about these. Understandably, your mental health can fluctuate if you are injured, because it removes part of our sense of autonomy as we're unable to do things that we otherwise would be capable of doing.

Do you perhaps know why you might be cleaning to this degree? Is there something that you fear may happen if you don't, or have you had something happen before that has driven you to want to clean until your space is perfect? Generally, these thoughts around performing tasks repetitiously, and the need to fulfill these, has a root cause, and establishing where these thoughts come from may be helpful for you to understand why this cleaning routine is important to you.

Do you have a regular GP at all? If you're able to and would feel comfortable having a chat to a doctor, therapist, or psychologist, receiving treatment to help you with intrusive thoughts, and compulsions to clean until you achieve perfection, may be revolutionary for you. While I can relate to the feeling of a space never quite being clean enough for my liking, and indeed the experience of intrusive thoughts, I know I cannot fully understand your experience of OCD, as it is entirely personal to you. I do not have OCD, but I do know people who have been diagnosed with it, and therapy seems to help ease the related distress.

I hope this helps, and I wish you all the best with your inspection. 

Take care, SB