iv never reached out before

[mr_marvel]

i wouldnt know where to start, it seems to be one big ball conecting all things to something,

every time i try to start it just dosent sound right, things seem out of place,

i always thought i had no right to complain, that it was my job to suck it up, because so many people are worse off than me, that i have to tough it out so that i can be strong for others,

but im so tiered of being strong, it would be so nice to have someone be strong for me, to pick me up when im feeling low, but im the one picking others up, and i listen to there problems without hesitation, 

it all sounds so trivial, some things they seem to complain about are so small, 

iv got a morgage to pay, rates and bills, food to put on a table and in bellys, and im so sick of hearing that there head hurts from drinking, or they have no energy because of such and such,

iv got no energy because im tiered from staying up late worring about money, or worring if the bills will get paid on time, or if im even being too much of a bore for my family or not, on top of work stuff,

i feel like at work im the only one working, that all the time and effort that i put in counts for nothing, i give all that i have and it seems to go to nought as soon as i turn my back,

its so hard when you give 100%, but it feels like everyone else gives only 50%,

iv considered looking for other work, but its full time work i have now, and iv got the house to pay off before i look at doing anything,

some times i wish i didnt have the burden of this house, 

i never had a chance to muck around like all my friends, i had the responsibility of the house, i couldnt go out and forget about it,

the bills come in, and the money goes out,

it would be so nice though for anyone at all just to call up and say, im on my way over, wanna hang out,

in the 5 yrs iv had the house, iv never had anyone come over to hang out,

but i never really had too many friends, i was allways the odd one out,

sat on my own at school,

didnt want to cause friction with the cool kids, 

now im 30, and i dont have much to show for my life,

and i feel lost,

i dont even know where im going with this, its a rant, a winge, what ever you want to call it,

like i said i dont know where to start, or how to pull things away from the ball of things that this has become,

if this makes any sence is beyond me, its just the voice in my head screaming things to my fingers at this stage.

[Mares73]

Dear Mr Marvel.

What a great name! Thank you for reaching out on Beyond Blue. That shows courage & strength. Reading your story I could relate so much to "feeling lost". It also seems you have little joy in your life & everything you do is out of responsibility or necessity. I know how it feels when you wish someone would take over & look after you and give you time to explore & relax without the burden of other pressures. There is much more I want to say but my phones about to go flat so I'll be back to talk with you a little later. Just remember your not alone & help & support is on its way...

Talk soon

Mares x

[PositiveLyfe89]

Hello Mr Marvel 😃

Thanks for your post and reaching out!! Well even though I can't empathise with how it's like to have a mortgage, I can say that I too felt empty for a few days and then I decided to take control of my life. One thing I would suggest is maybe to start taking care of your health, eating right and exercising...I've started working out these past couple of days and it puts me in such a great mood! Maybe you can start doing a 'Most Important Things' (MIT) list as well...basically, you write 3 things you want to accomplish that day and at the end of the day you can look back on it and feel like you have achieved something. You can line up your things on your MIT list with goals and small steps you want to achieve in your life, like making new friends, etc, it really helps.

PositiveLyfe89 xo

[Stormi71]

Hi Mr Marvel,

You've taken the first step in reaching out. I understand how it feels to be supportive to everyone else, yet when you need support yourself, there's none forthcoming. That's how I ended up on this forum a few days ago, because I really just needed myself and my depression to be acknowledged. I have a supportive husband, and several close friends who try their best, but they don't REALLY understand what it's like, and I often will say I'm okay so as to not burden them. But I think sometimes we just NEED to come right out and say "I need help. I have depression/anxiety, and right now I'm not coping". When I told more people about my depression, they  were quite shocked as they had no idea I was depressed. I had learnt to hide it quite well when I was around people that didn't know about it. I think because I also don't have a lot of friends, I was scared of telling potential friends about it in case it scared them away. But I've found the more people you talk to about it, the more support you will end up with. I have found most people are supportive once they realise what's going on. Most people are caught up in their own problems to notice if someone else needs help, but will be there if you ask for it. 

There is always help here, though. Just talking about it on a forum can help. I know what you mean about your post and that your fingers just kept typing. You just want to get every thought down as quick as possible, and hopefully you feel a little better just by opening up to us on the forum.