Is it just too hard?

[LC80]

I am an older retired male, and I have been estranged from my two daughters from my first marriage for ten years. I have tried to have some contact but that has been rejected. The older one at least reads my messages but does not reply. I recently sent a thoughtfully written letter to the younger one who is 42 y/o to at least convey how much she still means to me and received a extremely abusive social media message from her via her mothers account. The resulting shock of the viciousness of the wording has taken me fully a day or two to understand. To be told that I am worthless and I will never see her again has resulted in two nights of night terrors. I could go one for quite some time but that's the gist of it. My first marriage was a disaster from early on, and I have sought help from mental health professions to understand my actions during that time of my life. Living my life on tenterhooks wondering if she will seek me out for retribution is tiring. My life is full of other things that are good, but the anxiety shades them grey a lot.

[Gambit87]

Hi LC80,

It sounds like your going through an incrediblely tough time at the moment. I cant even begin to imagine what you're going through.

I haven't been married before or have kids, so please take what I suggest with a grain of salt.

Have you thought about taking a step back from trying to contact your kids? easier said than done I know. You've said what you wanted to say - it might be best for you and your mental health if you left it at that for a while?

Again, I don't have kids, but its what I would do in your situation. Trying to mend a relationship when the other person isn't interested would hurt me to much.

Are you still seeking help for your mental health?

[LC80]

I am a devotee of "mindfulness" in the Buddhist traditions and quite a few psychologists talk about it as if it's something new. I just need to be reminded that I need to pursue it more often. And, your advice about taking a step away is right, as the danger is that my mental health suffers. Concentrating on relationships that are valued is more productive. And, getting my thoughts out instead of bottling them up is a good thing. Trying to repair a bridge beyond repair is wasting energy, however hard that is to accept.

[LC80]

Since my abusive social media incident last week I have had recurring nightmares that involve me being the walking dead. During the day I don't think about what has upset me but my mind is not letting it go easily. I did have an emotional breakdown the day it happened and was so distraught I could not stand, just sobbing uncontrollably in my wife's arms. I am hoping time will be the healer.