Intrusive thoughts :(

[db9284]

Hi all,

I've seen similar posts to what i'm dealing with but so far i've found it hard to cope and wondered if anyone else had these kind of issues. So i'm pretty sure I have OCD, no official diagnosis but what I think and how I feel meets all the criteria.

I've noticed at times in my life that when I get really stressed or anxious, or sometimes if i'm going through a life transition, that intrusive thoughts pop up. Sometimes its bearable (worrying that i'm going to hurt my dog, or if someone sits behind me on the bus that they're going to hit me on the head) but recently it's started to become more sinister. It has happened several times before and eventually the thoughts have gone away, but this time, perhaps due to poor current circumstances in my life (depression, anxiety, dealing with a breakup) I cannot get rid of them. It makes me feel sick, perverted, like a genuine basket case, and just all round shitty. I'm disgusted to even type it, but this is what i'm dealing with:

I started having weird, inappropriate thoughts about my dad. I genuinely believe that this is because it is, in my head, the most 'wrong' thing to think. So it started off with me thinking, "what if the only way to save everyone I love, was to go down on him, or vice versa?" Now i'm very aware that the likelihood of this situation occurring is incredibly slim, but still, once the thought is there, it's there. So then I was haunted by images of these things happening. Or sometimes I just feel overly aware of my nether regions, like if i sit in a way which i feel like they are exposed, i'll feel uncomfortable, think about them, and then somehow relate it to my dad because that's what my brain knows will make me feel like shit. Sometimes it is a compulsion to think these things, and I feel like I physically have to, other times I am able to refrain from doing it but it's hard to abstain. I'm sick of thinking about this stuff, and feeling like a victim of my own mind, it's incredibly debilitating 😞 i've read so much on this topic but not much has helped. Does anyone have any advice? It would be really nice to stop feeling like my head is a monster who's constantly out to get me....

[Greyhound123]

Very wise words Geoff. I feel I learn a lot reading what you write. It is very humbling and helpful to hear others have similar symptoms etc. thanks.

[db9284]

I'm sorry this is happening Katie, it really is crap! I would recommend looking into a therapist who specializes in ocd. I'm a looking at finding one myself. I have started medication and have been told that it should help out. Stay in touch, I'm hoping things will get better for the both of us ❤️

[db9284]

Hi all,

thankyou very much for your comforting words. I have started a medication and am hoping that things will improve. It's getting to the point where I feel weird being around certain people due to the thoughts I've been having. I'm starting to feel like a crazy person. When I felt better a couple of days ago I even had a thought that said "don't worry, the ocd" will come back 😞 it's like I've gotten so used to being worried that I expect to be. Has anyone found that medication helps? I'm taking medication at the moment and therapist has said to increase my dose.

[Greyhound123]

Hi Db,

I recently went back on medication, and it deffinetally helps. The medication alone does not make it go away completely, but it does calm you down and give you enough perspective to work with it to make it go away. (If that makes sense). I can relate to feeling weird around people because of intrusive thoughts as this has happened to me a few times, just remember that no-one else can hear your thoughts, so there is no need to be embarrassed or feel weird. You have a journey ahead of you tackling this, however take comfort in knowing that you are probably (hopefully) in the worst stages now, as once you start treatement it will get a lot better. Good luck.

[katiebkn]

Thankyou for your reply..

Have been going pretty well now today it's come back. I don't feel myself I claim up into a shell and now the depression comes.

I wonder if I will ever be normal again.. how I could be free of this for nearly 2 years and then it all comes back... I never thought I'd have to go through it again. I don't know how to find the right counsellor it scares me to open up to someone again. But I know the current one isn't working

I to hope you find help this is not fair

[Aleins]

Hi, I'm sorry if this doesn't help much, but it seems that we have a lot of the same symptoms!

I'm so sorry you have to go through this- it's often the worst thing to sit in random places and have intrusive thoughts appear.

My personal recommendation for intrusive thoughts is a) go see a therapist. I know that it's time-consuming, but unloading on someone is really uplifting, and if you're prescribed to medication, it'll really help in the long run.

On the topic of medication, most antidepressants take approximately 6 weeks to kick in- and there are numerous side effects during this time period. I'd recommend that you have a family member or friend with you at all times during these 6 weeks- they make things easier, trust me.

My second recommendation is to try an app called "Smiling Mind". It's directed at all age groups, and it's specifically designed for intrusive thoughts. Included in the app are different verbal techniques that you can do anywhere (so long as you have headphones). It can be listened to on public transport, at work or school, and basically anywhere. It's really helpful for calming down and accepting your intrusive thoughts.

Finally, I'd just like to say that you are not your thoughts. Everyone experiences intrusive thoughts- however, people with OCD can't seem to let go of them. My therapist used the metaphor of a frying pan- most people have an oil that allows them to simply reflect the intrusive thoughts, whereas people with OCD can't use that oil and the intrusive thoughts stick to the bottom of the pan. OCD is not because you aren't a good person- you just happen to have an external phenomenon called OCD. I'd recommend giving your OCD a name- and treat it then as a particularly bothersome friend. For example, I named my OCD Jemima, and our relationship is as follows:

"Jemima keeps telling me weird things today. She's kinda annoying, but she's my friend."

Best of luck, and I hope this helps somewhat 🙂

[awesomenesstocome]

I too have been through times when ocd thoughts have dogged me. Disturbing intrusive thoughts. It was once said to me that the thought is the very opposite to who you are, that's why we do everything to rid ourselves of it and are so appalled, horrified and anxious about it. Which gives the thought power. We become extremely exhausted when having ocd thoughts and have a tired mind. So its like a song stuck in your head.

It helped me when a pysche suggested I tell myself, this is not me this is ocd.

What helped me also was to write it out, rescue remedy, brings down the anxiety and you can see the truth behind it. And it becomes nothing more than a thought. Also to leave the thought play like back ground noise. ​

Hope this helps

Tracy

[awesomenesstocome]

I'm no counsellor but to try and find reasons for sexual thoughts, well the short answer is there is no reason other than you are horrified at these thoughts because they are the very opposite to the person you are. You would no more act on that thought than fly to the moon.

For some reason its harder to find a good counsellor for OCD as its a little more complex I have found.

I take an antidepressant which helps.

Don't give up it does get better. Rest, exercise all kind things for yourself go miles in helping us get out of a funk.

Hugs

Tracy

[Summer83]

Heya,

Thanks so much for sharing this. I also get recurring thoughts, some of which are along the same lines and very disruptive and disturbing. I'll accuse myself of potentially being something that I'm not, then get paranoid that everyone thinks I am that (eg fear that people think I'm a spy), and be obsessed with trying to prove that I'm a good person. I also fear that I could potentially be a bad person, even though I only wish good for others. It is hard to be kind to yourself and let these thoughts go, so would really appreciate any advice on how to deal with obsessive thoughts and how to stop focusing on what other people think of you.

One thing I have found extremely helpful is listening to podcasts on Zencast.org The teachers share (mostly secular) Buddhist wisdom that is very practical, and I often get quite a laugh out of the talks. I recommend Gil Fronsal in particular, whose voice is very calming. Sometimes it's better to stop trying to shut down the thoughts, and instead redirect your mind to focus on something constructive.

[geoff]

Hello Summer83, and welcome to the forums.

It's good you have revitalised this post because many people still have these intrusive thoughts, and may become an obsession, it can be very upsetting and can feel difficult to eliminate.

They can involve so many different issues that you don't want to occur but still have them going through your mind.

I will have a look at these sites you have suggested and hope you can stay on the site.

Geoff.