Intrusive thoughts :(

[db9284]

Hi all,

I've seen similar posts to what i'm dealing with but so far i've found it hard to cope and wondered if anyone else had these kind of issues. So i'm pretty sure I have OCD, no official diagnosis but what I think and how I feel meets all the criteria.

I've noticed at times in my life that when I get really stressed or anxious, or sometimes if i'm going through a life transition, that intrusive thoughts pop up. Sometimes its bearable (worrying that i'm going to hurt my dog, or if someone sits behind me on the bus that they're going to hit me on the head) but recently it's started to become more sinister. It has happened several times before and eventually the thoughts have gone away, but this time, perhaps due to poor current circumstances in my life (depression, anxiety, dealing with a breakup) I cannot get rid of them. It makes me feel sick, perverted, like a genuine basket case, and just all round shitty. I'm disgusted to even type it, but this is what i'm dealing with:

I started having weird, inappropriate thoughts about my dad. I genuinely believe that this is because it is, in my head, the most 'wrong' thing to think. So it started off with me thinking, "what if the only way to save everyone I love, was to go down on him, or vice versa?" Now i'm very aware that the likelihood of this situation occurring is incredibly slim, but still, once the thought is there, it's there. So then I was haunted by images of these things happening. Or sometimes I just feel overly aware of my nether regions, like if i sit in a way which i feel like they are exposed, i'll feel uncomfortable, think about them, and then somehow relate it to my dad because that's what my brain knows will make me feel like shit. Sometimes it is a compulsion to think these things, and I feel like I physically have to, other times I am able to refrain from doing it but it's hard to abstain. I'm sick of thinking about this stuff, and feeling like a victim of my own mind, it's incredibly debilitating 😞 i've read so much on this topic but not much has helped. Does anyone have any advice? It would be really nice to stop feeling like my head is a monster who's constantly out to get me....

[Smithsons]

Hey there, first of all I just wanna say that I am so, so very sorry that you're going through this. I've been dealing with anxiety and some depression for the past 6 months, and at times I, too, have questioned whether I may have OCD.

The same intrusive, sexually disturbing thoughts have entered my mind as well... not about my dad, but trust me, they're along those lines.

I don't know if this'll help much, but it always comforts me - you gotta sorta sit back and realise that the reason you are struggling with these thoughts, the reason you find them disturbing is because, well, they are... BUT that's OKAY because these thoughts that pop into your mind are just that, thoughts, that aren't your fault, and they are in no way things things you want, no matter how much your brain will convince you of that (I don't know about you, but my anxiety used to really convince me that the disturbing thoughts were entering my head for a reason-coz I wanted them and I just didn't want to admit it) This, of course, is not true. And it's just the same for you. My point is, you find these thoughts troubling for a reason, coz they are things you don't want! I know it might sound silly, but take comfort in that. It can be a good beginning step to overcoming these thoughts.

I used to hate when people suggested this to me, but positive thinking is actually a really good way of overpowering these thoughts. When they fall into your head, recognise that an anxious thought (and nothing more) has entered your mind and challenge it. Tell yourself it isn't real, that it's just an illusion created all in your head, breathe, then tell yourself you're going to be okay, because you are.

If you don't think any of these'll work, you could try discussing this with your GP and see what they say.

Best of luck, and always remember that you aren't alone.

[Paul]

Hi db9284, Welcome!

I can't imagine the discomfort that these thoughts would be creating, but please keep in mind they are only thoughts. It doesn't sound like you want to act on them.

I'd like to reiterate Smithsons suggestion to visit your GP.

Something people have told me is helpful to diffuse the disturbing thoughts is to grab them from your mind, look at them with curiosity and ask if they are helpful If the answer is no, then there's something pretty cool you can do with the thought. Put it into words and then sing those words in your head to a stupid song. Some people use the happy birthday song. Sounds silly but it's a helpful way to diffuse some of these unhelpful thoughts.

So, please visit your GP so you can find out whether it is OCD you have and then that is half the battle won. This brings to light ways to treat it and provide you some relief.

Stay in touch.

Paul

[db9284]

Thanks so much for your kind words and positive messages.

I spoke to one of the counsellors on the beyond blue helpline and she suggested saying in my head 'rubbish' everytime a thought popped up. She also said to immediately distract myself and think of something else, this seems to be helping so far.

Much love

D

[Greyhound123]

Hi DB and welcome to the forum,

I have had OCD since i was a child (now 33) and can totally relate to what you are thinking. I am not diagnosing you with OCD but this sounds like the kind of thing I would get. Sometimes it was sexual, but normally it was things like. "I could just punch this person in the face". The good news is you never act on them, it's just a worrying thought, if you genuinley wanted to do that then it would be a different thing. The other good news is with therapy and possibly medication it does get a hell of a lot better. I really feel for you being in the situation you are in now as I know how terrible it feels. If you start to research OCD you will find that alot of people have the same symptoms, and do all of those things that you thought only you did, i know it was a turning point for me.

Please see a psychologist/doctor/councilor, and if you don't get the help you need from a GP seek a specialist, as OCD is a complex issue. The sooner you can get ontop of it and tackle it, the sooner you can get things under control and the less likely you will be to drift into a downward spiral.

[katiebkn]

Hi there

I came to this thread as today I've had a really hard day.

My anxiety has been playing up or my intrusive thoughts have been which then creates my anxiety.

I know how you feel.. I really do. Today I just feel like there is no hope left.

I have been seeing a counsellor for 5 weeks now and nothing is changing.

I asked him if I had ocd but he says no I have anxiety which comes with intrusive sexual thoughts. He says why they are sexual we don't know yet...

This has made me feel like a lost cause because some days they are so bad that I distance myself from my loved ones that they are about which then leaves me feeling really shitty as they need me.

I start to then get depressed and feel like a terrible person and mother. I wish I could give you some advice but I don't know how.. so maybe knowing that someone else feels like you might help in some way.

I don't feel like I'm seeing the right counsellor. Today I just don't feel like I can go on anymore. I don't want to live like this.

I can't be alone I need to constantly be with my parents and the thought of being on my own terrifies me. Please if anyone has any advice or there story please. Share.

and db9284 I really hope you get the help you need it's a terrible way to live. It's just not fare

[Greyhound123]

Hi Katie, sorry you are having such a bad day. I must admit it is a different way he is treating you intrusive thoughts to how I was treated. I am. It a counciler but mabie if it's not working you need to see another one or a psychologist/doctor. I know that's not much relief now just know that there is light at the end of the tunnel with treatment, take it day by day. Hope you are feeling bettet

[Paul]

Hey Katie,

Welcome - please know you are amongst friends and most of us understand what intrusive thoughts are like, Frightening, disturbing and extremely confusing. I can understand why you wouldn't want to be alone.

Finding a professional is like finding friends, it takes a little bit to get to know them and sometimes it's not a good match as you just don't feel comfortable. If you can seek out a new therapist, that may help. It might mean making a few phone calls and taking your mum or dad with you. Another option is to let your current therapist know that you feel like you're not making any progress and ask them for their thoughts on why that might be. You have a right to know.

It may also help to try the exercise that helps me that I described in my post above. It takes a bit of practice, but if you can trap the thought and diffuse it by telling it it's rubbish or singing a stupid song to the words of the thought, it sometimes helps.

Stay in touch and let us know what you decide you'd like to do with your current therapist and how you're going in general. We're here to listen and understand.

Paul

[Greyhound123]

Sorry I was on my phone when I wrote that and auto correct stuffed me up. It was meant to say. "I am not a counciler but"

[geoff]

hi DB, what the person on the BB helpline said is true, call it 'rubbish' because these intrusive thoughts will never happen even though you keep thinking of them.
I've had OCD for 56 years and not one of my intrusive thoughts has ever been carried out, so after all this time I now push them away and say, 'don't be stupid it's not going to happen and why think of something that really is ludacris', and if you ask yourself would I really do what the thought is telling me to do, the answer would be no you wouldn't, and accept that by having these thoughts is what happens if you have OCD.
It's no different to if you have to check your locks 4 or 5 times in a row, knowing that the door is locked, and knowing that it is stupid to keep checking, but again that's what our OCD makes us do, and to emphasize the word 'stupid'.
I know this but it doesn't stop me from doing my own habits/thoughts, I can't stop them.
There are psychologists who specialise in OCD, but just remember you will not go through with these thoughts.
Happy to answer any more questions. Geoff.