Hi all,
I've seen similar posts to what i'm dealing with but so far i've found it hard to cope and wondered if anyone else had these kind of issues. So i'm pretty sure I have OCD, no official diagnosis but what I think and how I feel meets all the criteria.
I've noticed at times in my life that when I get really stressed or anxious, or sometimes if i'm going through a life transition, that intrusive thoughts pop up. Sometimes its bearable (worrying that i'm going to hurt my dog, or if someone sits behind me on the bus that they're going to hit me on the head) but recently it's started to become more sinister. It has happened several times before and eventually the thoughts have gone away, but this time, perhaps due to poor current circumstances in my life (depression, anxiety, dealing with a breakup) I cannot get rid of them. It makes me feel sick, perverted, like a genuine basket case, and just all round shitty. I'm disgusted to even type it, but this is what i'm dealing with:
I started having weird, inappropriate thoughts about my dad. I genuinely believe that this is because it is, in my head, the most 'wrong' thing to think. So it started off with me thinking, "what if the only way to save everyone I love, was to go down on him, or vice versa?" Now i'm very aware that the likelihood of this situation occurring is incredibly slim, but still, once the thought is there, it's there. So then I was haunted by images of these things happening. Or sometimes I just feel overly aware of my nether regions, like if i sit in a way which i feel like they are exposed, i'll feel uncomfortable, think about them, and then somehow relate it to my dad because that's what my brain knows will make me feel like shit. Sometimes it is a compulsion to think these things, and I feel like I physically have to, other times I am able to refrain from doing it but it's hard to abstain. I'm sick of thinking about this stuff, and feeling like a victim of my own mind, it's incredibly debilitating 😞 i've read so much on this topic but not much has helped. Does anyone have any advice? It would be really nice to stop feeling like my head is a monster who's constantly out to get me....
