So it's like this to give context to my situation. I was thinking today of Mary, mother of Jesus, giving birth to him which goes without saying that any mother giving birth to a child is such a huge experience. I don't know how I ended up on that tangent. Can't even remember and only happened less than an hour ago. My mind has gone through a lot of anxiety of late and I have been constantly dealing with intrusive thoughts.
So I was thinking of Mary and God being the father of Jesus. And then the thought of how babies are conceived in general. I've come across people saying different forms of terminology that describe this and not all of it good. I would NEVER EVER say anything bad but the thought popped into my head of the less favourable term used to describe conceiving a baby popped up in my mind with Mary and God thrown into the mix which I instantly shocked me. I would never say anything like that, EVER. I know people being intimate together which leads to conceiving a baby is a part of life and I have had some experiences where the whole idea of sex has been really confronting to me in the past. I've recently been coming to terms with it and trying to achieve a healthy perspective on the matter as a whole. What time do with my therapist and everything.
So when that intrusive thought came up, it feels alarming. And the whole matter of intimacy and Mary starting mixing in together the more I try to tell myself to stop thinking it, the more I try, the more alarming the unwanted images in my head become. I don't want to think like this and I never ever do. The more I try not to think of it, the worse it gets. Am I a bad person?
