Hi Angelo213
What you're facing sounds so upsetting and stressful and I can understand your concern, especially with this way of thinking completely going against your nature.
When we're facing something that goes against our nature, it always pays to wonder what it's all about. While I have intrusive thoughts while driving (being seriously tempted to run red lights, speed on unpopulated stretches of road and a number of other things that come to mind on occasion), there are times where I have to strategically manage the thoughts. They're not always simple thoughts, they can be strong overwhelming and sometimes scary urges.
I can't say I know exactly where the thoughts actually come from but what I do know is I can manage them to the point where they pass in a few seconds and I can shrug them off. They no longer concern me like they used to. While it's said that we can be comprised of many facets that make up the whole of who we are, what I choose to imagine is that there's some part of me that leads me to consider such ideas that go against my nature. Call it 'the risk taker in me', 'the completely irresponsible part of me', 'the seriously dangerous part of me' or something else. For some people, the temptations may come in the form of inner dialogue, such as 'Run the red light, just to see what happens' or 'Don't slow down and see what happens when you run into the back of that car'. For others the temptations may come in the form of visual reference, where someone can be led to see a certain outcome that almost compels them to take action to meet with that outcome. This sounds completely out there and highly questionable but when certain stuff comes to mind for me, I name where I choose to imagine it's coming from and then say, in my mind 'Nup, I'm not doing that. Get the hell out of my head'. I shut the risk taker in me down. I shut the careless or dangerous part of me down or whichever part of me I imagine it's coming from. If I do the opposite and indulge, focus, meditate or expand on what I hear or see in my mind, it tends to fuel the impulse.
Whether we're naturally comprised of different facets that are triggered to come to life or gradually develop throughout our life who knows, it's simply what I choose to imagine and it comes to serve me well at times. Of course, if I lost my ability to manage in such a way I'd seek help in finding the best guide to help me manage in new ways. If something's becoming seriously dangerous for ourself and/or others, we have to give ourself no choice but to seek help in managing what we cannot manage alone.
Btw, the brain tends to store visual references. So, seeing less violence through movies, documentaries, news media etc can provide the brain with less visual reference. To say that intrusive thoughts aren't always easy to manage can be an understatement. Developing triggers that are constructive in nature can involve some detective work. Can you think of anything or a number of things that could help you completely shift focus when the thoughts come to you?
