Intrusive Horrible Thoughts

[Emzp88]

My dad told me a story about two people that got murdered by their son. Their son had chronic paranoid schizophrenia. Apparently there was a disagreement about money or something like that and from being angry at his parents it caused him to be pushed to the limit and commit this crime.

I got it in my head that this could happen to me... no matter what I do it keeps coming back into my mind. I have tried looking at it from a likelihood stand point... thinking about how the likelihood is really low etc. I don't have children... but I like the idea that someday I will.

I just don't want this hanging over my head. I have been seeing a counsellor... what else can I do...?

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome to beyond blue.

sounds like this story has had a bad effect on you 😞 I am guessing that you see yourself as the parents at some time in the future?

(I have a picture or image in my mind, though I won't go into details of what it looks like. Initially it was scary, and somehow over time I have been able to get used to it being there. I guess part for me was working out the meaning of the imagery. This may or may not help you.

I am not asking you to divulge anything you have mentioned to your counsellor but I assume you are working on this with them? And it is OK (figuratively speaking) if you cannot get rid of those thoughts - it can take time. My psych would give me homework where I had to the reframe my thoughts. For me that was quite difficult.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things based on reading your post. I guess to remember that you are doing the best you can and there likely be a time when you recognise the thought for what it is?

Tim

[Guest_342]

Those are, indeed, some intrusive and horrible thoughts. So sorry you have had this yucky reaction to what you heard.

Are you worried that, if you have children, someday it could happen to you? I know this is easier said than done, but every day we wake up we don't know what lies ahead - the good, the bad. Of course anything is at least remotely possible but I emphasise the word 'remotely'. It's great to hear you have considered the likelihood of it - and I imagine you concluded it's pretty darn unlikely? (I hope so - because I'd say you'd be correct.) But we can't live meaningful lives worrying about all the 'what ifs'. There are just too many what ifs in life to expend your time and energy on.

I suppose we develop trust in those we love - including our children as they grow up - and we would never expect a loved one to breach that trust. We take a chance with everything we do, and in most cases, I'd say, things turn out pretty alright. There are those awful stories like what you heard, but perhaps try to remind yourself that this is the exception.

I'm sorry I haven't really given you and coping strategies generally, but I hope this gives you some reassurance.

Wrote again, if you'd like - and let me know how you get on. Best wishes!

[Petal22]

Hello Emzp88,

Well done for seeing a councillor I hope they have been able to give you strategies?

I had OCD ........ I had very intrusive distressing thoughts..... my anxiety was severe...... I have now recovered thanks to health professionals that I saw........ I did a group therapy for OCD.......

The more attention we give to a thought the more the mind will bring it up because it thinks it is important....

have you tried meditation? If not it’s great you could find an app on your ph....... try to find one for watching thoughts.... you can learn to be a bystander of your thoughts and not get so caught up in them....

mindfullness is also great.....

im here if you want to chat

[therising]

Hi Emzp88

I truly feel for you. What a terrible set of images to be living with and deeply stressing over.

First, without getting straight into the challenges that come with schizophrenia, I wonder if you can consider what separates imagination from reality. Keeping in mind, a strong imagination can be an incredibly powerful thing - what stops us from acting out what we can clearly imagine can be the filters known as respect for life, personal integrity, the desire to do no harm, responsibility for self control/self management, a clear sense of consciousness, the desire to not cause sufferance for others and so on and so on. So, you could have an intrusive thought but manage accessing your filters. Filters can keep us grounded out of our imagination.

For some, the question may become 'Why are my filters not making a difference to my thoughts? Why are they no longer grounding me to the degree they once were, out of my imagination?' There could be a whole lot of different reasons as to why someone might feel the need to ask themself this. While one person might be battling schizophrenia, another might be facing serious emotional detachment issues. No matter what the issue is, managing that person's or those people's inability to apply filters becomes important. With the story your dad told you, I am wondering whether the parents knew their son had serious issues yet didn't address them to the point they needed addressing. They may have questioned whether he was taking his meds (if he was prescribed meds) or they may have even questioned the need to have him manage this stage of his life in an institution under the supervision of professional mental health carers. I don't want you imagining that a person can one day just snap for no reason, without warning signs. In some cases, everyone can see warning signs but no one does anything.

I want you to try and imagine that one day you have kids of your own. You raise them gradually, with traits and filters such as personal integrity, open communication, great compassion for others, a thirst for greater consciousness and connection to life etc and this is who they become. As a mum, I can tell you that if you're paying close attention you can see any change in your child. Through their challenges we guide them and help them manage, especially when they can't manage on their own.

Imagine your child/ren loving you so much to the point where you have never know such a beautiful connection. Imagine this.

🙂