Insecure about relationship: constantly thinking about breaking up

[Ali7]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two and half years now however for the entire relationship I’ve felt insecure about it. I’ve never been formally diagnosed but I’m sure I suffer with depression and anxiety/being insecure.

Before the relationship started I wasn’t in the best place mentally and I don’t feel I have been for many years. I love my boyfriend dearly, there’s so many things about him that I appreciate and I’m worried I wouldn’t find that in another guy. However I feel so insecure all the time, to the point that most days I’ve thought about breaking up with him. I’ve broke up with him three times now and each time I do it hurts so much. I know that’s normal, but I instantly regret breaking up with him and worry that I’ve done the wrong thing - that I’m not going to find someone who is as caring as him, who I trust and who I have the same interests and values with. But I don’t know how to stop those thoughts and it gets me down so much. 
 

Apart from being on medicaton, I have tried online therapy (which ended up being too expensive) but when I can I plan to start counselling in person. But for now, how do I stop those intrusive thoughts about breaking up? Is it normal to think about breaking up that often or is it my mind telling me it’s for the best? 

[Sophie_M]

Dear Ali7
 
Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post. We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.
 
We are sorry to hear that you are having these intrusive thoughts about breaking up and concerns about what that might feel or look like.  We thought we would pop in to provide you with some hopefully helpful information.  Relationships Australia have many resources on what you might consider healthy in a relationship including information on feelings that come with separation or break-up; just Click Here and this might give you some perespective in understanding what you are going through right now.

If ever you feel like you need to talk this through, we are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat Click Here .  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
We’re sure you will hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M