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Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Beaser
Community Member
Hi and best wishes. I am starting to feel myself slide again . I have long been involved in my local football club and having been single for so long so it has been like my family and my support network. I have a partner now and she isnt that interested i dont know how to go about things as far as continuing my involvement. I dont want to lose her over it but i need my friends and my social network. I have had a huge battle with depression and anxiety for my most of my life. I have leant on people for support too much at times and im scared that i may not have that support anymore because they may be tired of it. I have sruggled with work for so long as a result. I just want to be happy again .I feel like im on this horrible treadmill and never get anywhere. I would appreciate any feedback and thoughts from anyone i hope i have described my situation ok as it is hard to do . Thanks for reading and best wishes . Brett.
76 Replies 76

Beaser
Community Member

Hi again EM .  Im glad to hear your kids are safe and well thats always good.     Unfortunately retirement cant happen for me yet   .  I still have a small mortgage to manage   .   I seen my GP and Psychologist and they both think i need to back of a bit from starting a new job just yet.   I spoke to my psychologist about my guilt about not going through with my last job.  He explained that i  havent done anything wrong or hurt anyone  and that these  things happen in life.  Sometimes the things he tells me puts my things in perspective.

Yeh i do find my social interactions at my footy club totally different to any new work or any new situation to be honest,  I struggle with change and different environments. 

Im sorry that your work is very demanding at the moment . I hope youre going ok with it all .      Great to talk with you and happy to talk about my situation .   Or if you want  to talk about how your going im happy to hear more.       Brett  

Beaser
Community Member

Im starting to get the guilty feelings again.  I feel as if i always treated my ex partner well but at times i remember i upset her. Sometimes i just wanted to do some things on my own and i know it upset her. I guess im feeling pretty lonely at the moment and would love that chance to have her to spend time with   . Its true you dont know what youve got untill its gone. I dont think i was ever bad to her but i just feel sad about it all at the moment.      Brett.

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Heya Brett,

 

I feel relationships are challenging to maintain, especially when you're both working out the required adjustments, and the boundaries that each of you have. It's a lot of mess and trial and error, thus why I admire couples and their tenacity in navigating thru the mess together. Sometimes things just don't work out, and we have to know when to call it quits rather than clinging on. But regardless of who initiated the break up, it is important to recognize that you've done your best in making your relationship work. You've given it all you've got in making yourself and your partner happy in the relationship. Even though things have ended unexpectedly, there's much to gain out of the experience so that you can be better in your next relationship.

 

Separating from someone whom you once had a relationship with is a tough thing to get thru, and yeah, we won't know what we've got until it's gone. But on a different point of view, it teaches us that nothing lasts forever, and to live the moment and appreciate the things that we have right now :).

 

Do continue focusing on yourself for the time being as you continue to heal thru your heart break; Mourn the end of your relationship with the person whom you once shared with, and appreciate the good times you had with her. Surround yourself with your friends, or even just chatting with passersby or your local barista is beneficial to your recovery path. Whenever you feel sad about it, it is okay to let that feeling sink into you. Take some time to feel the sadness and recognize/accept it. 

 

Hope that helps Brett! Happy to chat with you more!

 

JT
JT

Beaser
Community Member

Thanks JT.      Nice to hear from you again.  Your right that a chat with people we come across does help.  I guess ive been clinging to hope and i genuinely want to be there for my ex. Who father who is in his nineties had a fall and had to go to hospital. So ive really wanted to be there for her  but i dont now how to go about it  and she has  not responded to my last call.  I guess i just need to leave it.  Thank you JT its always great to hear from you and talk further.   Wishing you a happy Day     Brett.

Beaser
Community Member

Hope im not posting too regularly lately.   But im just really really feeling lonely and de pressed at the moment. Maybe regular readers would know that ive left my job and my nerves got too much for me with starting a new job.  Ive also recently seperated from my girlfriend and she doesnt seem to want to hear from me even as a friend. Her father has recently been in hostpital and i genuinely want to be there for them both, I guess i just need to leave it in her hands to reach out to me if she feels that way.  Ive seen my GP and phycologist so i cant do much more . Im just lost at the moment.     Hope every one is well ... Brett

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Heya Brett,

 

We're always happy to listen to what you'd like to share. Please feel free to keep posting if it's helping you in any way. On that point, what is being discussed in this forum may also help those who come across it, and find it relatable to them.

 

You're right that, it's best to leave your ex be, and continue on by your own. There can be many reasons as to why she doesn't want to hear from you, and the real reason will never be known to you ever. If she wants to, she will reach out to you whenever she's ready. For now the best you could do is to rehabilitate yourself to be comfortable living without her; be comfortable living with yourself, and remind yourself that you can keep moving on without her. Humans are social creatures, and we have different levels of needs for socialization. When that need is not met, that's when we start to feel lonely. That's when you can seek out friends, or maybe a social group of some kind (like men's shed for wood working) where you can interact and socialize with others. Give yourself some time away from your ex to heal, and keep yourself occupied with activities / hobbies or routines.


JT

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hey Brett!
Yeah that sucks that you reached out to your ex and she hasn't responded. She could've politely declined your offer and even opened up to you about why... she didn't. Closure could be difficult in these circumstances. 

 

OMG my dog is going NUTS, new neighbours renting next door with a dog! I just introduced myself. They seem pretty cool. That's enough about me. 

 

Hey! "Hope im not posting too regularly lately".... ummm not possible lol. 
Post whenever you want to, it's YOUR Thread! No limits to how much you post. 

 

I'm so glad your GP said that to you. Seems like a compassionate person you've got there. 

Is your Psych nice too? 

 

I totally understand about not being ready for a new workplace atm. 
Is there a Men's Shed near you? IDK why I'm obsessed with these AWESOME places but I am, probably because I'm not really allowed to join. I love the thought of all those power tools AND people who know how to use and repair them probably lol. 

 

Pity about not being able to retire just yet. We can dream can't we? 

 

Talk soon
EM

 

 

How are you doing today Brett? 

Beaser
Community Member

Hi EC.     I can sympathise with the dog thing as i have two myself that can be a handful at times. I must get them out for a walk actually.  Yeh im not sure about my ex but i think ill just leave it be.     I did a couple of hours helping at my footy club last night so that was good for me.   How have you been yourself ?

Beaser
Community Member

Hi i hope everyone is going well.   I had a pretty good weekend . I helped at my footy club on Saturday behind the bar. I find that i come down a bit after the weekend and my depression  and anxiety really kick in at the end and Monday. I havent had contact with my ex since last Wednesday so im doing my best there . But im lonely i have to admit and would love to reach out . How is every one else going?  Beaser

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Heya Brett,

 

Glad to hear you had a good weekend! I'm going well thanks for asking, there's been a sudden blast of chill weather, just when I thought the days are slowly getting warmer and warmer. Other than that it's been good. Been thinking about recipes to cook and discover heh heh.

 

You're doing great Brett, heartbreaks are hard to heal thru. Do give yourself some credit and praise for doing your best. 👍

 

JT