Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

[Beaser]

Hi and best wishes. I am starting to feel myself slide again . I have long been involved in my local football club and having been single for so long so it has been like my family and my support network. I have a partner now and she isnt that interested i dont know how to go about things as far as continuing my involvement. I dont want to lose her over it but i need my friends and my social network. I have had a huge battle with depression and anxiety for my most of my life. I have leant on people for support too much at times and im scared that i may not have that support anymore because they may be tired of it. I have sruggled with work for so long as a result. I just want to be happy again .I feel like im on this horrible treadmill and never get anywhere. I would appreciate any feedback and thoughts from anyone i hope i have described my situation ok as it is hard to do . Thanks for reading and best wishes . Brett.

[Beaser]

Hi and thanks again JT.

I guess the roller coaster i travel with my condition really affect me in a way that i become very sensitive to every thing. Any percieved criticism goes around and around in my head. I also have the urge to always be a people pleaser. I just hate the thought of upsetting people. I have at times upset my partner ,not that ive done any thing bad,but at times i can get a bit snappy and maybe inpatient with things . Maybe we all get like that at times . Hope your well Brett.

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Brett,

The condition that you have, is part of who you are. It is something that you can learn to accept, so you can begin to discover ways to work with it. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and it is impossible to wish away something that is part of us. But we can always use our strengths to our advantage, as well as accept our weaknesses to work with it.

From my point of view (and please take this with a grain of salt), relationships/friendships are strengthen thru expressing oneself truly to others, while maintaining an open mind to give and accept feedback/criticism so that both parties can better understand each other. Whether someone's being snappy and impatient with things, or a loud foul mouth that spews all kinds of insult on others, it is who they are, and if both parties are willing to work together on the issue, then I'd consider that as relationship strengthening. Sometimes neither people can agree with each other, which is when we'll have a choice of either accepting their indifferences and move on, or part ways and invest our time and effort on others who we can grow and learn together with.

Hope you had a pleasant Easter, Brett. Happy to chat with you more 🙂

JT

[Beaser]

Thanks for your reply JT.

You make a lot of sense with what you say.

Brett

[Beaser]

Hi Jt.

Hope your well . Im feeling a bit lost with things at the moment .I worry that ive lost my relationship because of who i am . Its so hard when you dont have that common ground . Sometimes i feel even selfish for that . I know that my partner has her own problems and i think shes finding that there is too much for her too manage atthe moment. Thanks again Brett,

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Brett,

Sorry to hear that you're feeling this way at the moment.

To clarify my understanding, because your partner is going through her own problems and there may be a lot on her at the moment to manage and handle, you feel she may be seeing you as a burden? And is it correct for me to assume that, you're feel there's been a lack of interactions from her, or she's avoiding you?

You've also mentioned that you're sometimes feel selfish for 'that', could you help me better understand what you meant by that?

Jt

[Beaser]

Hi and thanks again JT. Hopefully i can explain things better . My girlfriend is feeling a bit overwhelmed with looking after her elderly father and her farm as well as maintaining a household and a house that is very old and causing a lot of maintenance issues. As well as working four days a week . I understand that is a lot for anyone . She feels that a relationship on top of all this is too much ATM. I understand this and i think the right thing for me to do is give her the space she needs. I guess my selfish thoughts come from the fact that i feel a need to see my friends particularly at my football club . I want to include her in this but she says she finds it not easy for her as shes never done such things . On top of this she doesnt seem to have a group of friends that she sees so that isnt an out let for her . I think im doing the right thing in not contacting her and hope she sees this too . Thanks again JT . Be great to hear from you again Brett

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Brett,

Great to hear from you again as well. I came across another post that you made about the end of your relationship. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're doing okay healing from your heartbreak, and please take care of yourself first. You'll both certainly need the time away from each other to heal with no contact at all. Your partner certainly sounds like she's having a hard time handling a lot of responsibilities on her, that she's unable to give her 100% to the relationship.

I'm wondering, when you mention you feel a need to see your friends particularly at your football club, is this need coming from the feeling of, as you mentioned before, "I'm letting my friends and football club down if I do not see them regularly"? There's nothing wrong with not having a group of friends, or seeing a group of friends regularly. People have different social needs and social levels. Some gain more energy and can vibe easily when surrounded by others (extroverts). While some prefer time to themselves, and would engage in social interactions with people whom they find they can open up to (introverts, very selective social interactions).

Hope to hear from you again Brett, take care of yourself. We're here for you if there's anything that you'd like to talk about.

Jt

[Beaser]

Hi and thanks JT.

Your right about my partner having too much on her plate at the moment. I ran in to her today totally unexpected.

We had a chat and she told me she is resigning from her job to take on another job.. Im hoping this will be a real positive for her. I had not made any contact for the last week so im trying to do what i think is best . In a way i would like to try again and i miss her. However im trying to be respectful and do the right thing and give her space . I think i need to be strong . Just on the football club I guess ive always got so much out of volunteering at my football club and i have found it hard to not be available as i once was . It has held me together and taken my mind away from my depression and anxiety . Im also looking at changing jobs as i am feeling a bit demoralised and very much lacking motivation where i am . They have been good to me but i cant keep going the way it is . So that is another stressor for me . Thank you again JT. talking and writing is good therapy for me .

[Beaser]

Always good to hear from you and other posters.

[That Other Guy]

"However im trying to be respectful and do the right thing and give her space"

You seem like a really quality human. I'm really glad to hear that, although I'm sorry your relationship ended.