I need advice!

[Jsmith]

Hi

Ive recently been diagnosed by a therapist with social phobia, and I’ve started trying to pick up at school some “triggers” for me. I’ve noticed my friends often use me as a scapegoat, and although I try to brush it off they keep doing it. They also tend to make jokes at my expense, and I know logically they are just joking because they do it to all my other friends as well, but I can’t help feel like it’s a personal attack on me. I haven’t told any of them I have anxiety issues but I want to ask them to stop scapegoating me. What do you think I should say to them?

[geoff]

hello Jsmith, I'm so sorry that these people make jokes out of what you may do, that's wrong and must be embarrassing.
I wonder whether the therapist has diagnosed you with OCD, normally this could be linked to any phobia, and sorry if I'm wrong.
Whether this maybe the cause is because nasty jokes are often because they are hiding other feelings which they are struggling to express, I'm not sure about, however, if you think so, then ask them if they want to talk about it with you, but if not, then you need their respect the fact that it hurt you.
Tell them to look in the mirror, which they will deny doing, but when they are alone that's certainly what they will be doing, this may then stop them.
Please let me know. Geoff.

[Doolhof]

Hi Jsmith,

Welcome to the community here. Some people seem to feel better about themselves when they annoy, frustrate or belittle others.

Asking or telling some people to stop, may help or it may just trigger the nasty people to keep on pushing your buttons.

Trying to ignore it and show no emotions or feelings either way to the resentful treatment is not always an easy thing to do but can be beneficial.

If a bully realises they are not getting a reaction out of a person, they will stop as it is no longer effective or satisfying for them.

For you personally, the thing is to realise they have the issue, not you! You could ask them to stop and see what happens.

I know my niece confronted the people ridiculing her. She stood up to them, asked them if they enjoyed being so nasty, did they realise how awful they were being and told them she was not going to listen to anything they had to say that she didn't appreciate and walked away.

Her self esteem was in tact after that. She stood up to them and she was the one who walked away from them, not out of shame, but out of pride for who she is as a person.

Not sure if this helps you Jsmith. Sometimes we just have to stand up to people and let them know what they are saying is not appreciated or appropriate.

Hold your head up high, you deserve to be acknowledged and validated as a person as valuable as anyone else.

Cheers to you and your new found self confidence! from Dools