I'm so scared

[Chicken_Wings]

The week before last the world was pretty great. I was loving my job, walking every day when I got home and planning fun things to do.

Then something hit me like a massive wave. It completely knocked me off my feet and I've fallen into fear.

I've never before felt so bad that I wanted to call a help line, but this time I did. I talk to my partner, but I just felt like I wanted to talk to anyone and just cry and I think in the back of my mind I was hoping someone would have a magic answer. But of course there is no magic answer.

I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of waking up, of going to work, of talking to people, of coming home. I'm scared to eat food, I'm scared that I have some sort of terrible disease or illness. I need to go to the dentist, but I'm scared he's going to tell me all my teeth are falling out or that I have some sort of disease in my mouth. I'm scared of medication too which makes all of this even harder. I'm scared of losing people, I'm scared of dying and I'm scared that the world is becoming a horrible horrible place.​

I'm also so incredibly scared that this is it. This is my life now and I will never get rid of these thoughts.

Because they aren't just fears when I'm faced with them. These are the things I think about constantly. I'm imagining the things I have to do in the future and I'm terrified to do them.

I just want to be normal.

I want to wake up in the morning and worry about which shoes to wear. I want to feel hungry at lunch time and really enjoy a good meal. I want to come home and go for a walk and listen to music because I enjoy it and not have in the back of my mind that I am doing this for my mental health. I want to look forward to things and most of all I want to be happy.

[Mummybee]

Hi CW

i know the feeling...

do you look at other people and what they are worried about and think "God I wish that was my biggest concern". I do all the time. I remember when my big though was "what are we going to do for dinner/is it offspring night tonight/did I remember to pack my sons library book?" 

Then something flicks and your thoughts change to "is that tingle in my foot MS, is the pain in my eye a sign of it to? How is my family going to survive without me"

it sucks. Big time. Then comes the worry that our lives will always be like this, that we will never think about things the same again, never again will my thoughts ponder the NZ Sav Blanc prices vs the Tasmanian ones... 

Maybe we will get better CW, if we keep trying the things we know are suppose to help and give ourselves some time. Because at the end of it all, time is all we really have and it all we really need 

mummybee 

[Zeal]

Hi Chicken Wings,

This change in your thinking and your mental health sounds really sudden. It seems likely though that something has caused this, or maybe internal mental stressors have been building up for some time, without your full awareness. When I first started reading your post, I had the feeling that what you're experiencing is depression, but then you mentioned symptoms of anxiety. You may have both depression and anxiety, but I'm hoping for your sake that you don't. Thankfully, many options are available now to help with these two mental health conditions.

It's very important that you see your GP about this. They can guide you, offer advise, and even diagnose you. If they think you need further help, they can refer you to a psychologist.

Keep talking to your partner, and keep using this forum if it helps you 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[ci]

Hi chickenwings 

Your story sounds so familiar to me this is my daily life too it makes life feel impossible!!!

I have just jumped on here to post to get some stuff off my chest  when I read your post. I'm so scared this will be me forever as well.

I have recently been diagnosed with ocd I am scared of everything cooking is so hard and eating out can be just as hard. I find it hard to bring new things into the house and starting to find it hard when people come over. 

Are you seeing doc?  Feeling like this can make life so hard get as much support as you can and look after yourself. I can offer you any magic solution I'm still looking but please don't feel like you alone so many of us out there. 

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi SM & Ci,

I'm medicated for depression and anxiety. It's been with me for years.

I can normally pin point the exact thing that brings on a relapse, but this time it could be one of a few things, this last few of months have been hard and stressful. If I'm honest with myself I think I knew this was coming at some point, I was just trying my best to keep it at bay.

Also my birthday is coming up and new year and it adds to that feeling that life is passing me by and I'm still not where I feel like I should be in my life.

[Guest_1055]

Hello chicken wings

I just read your thread here, and I am so so sorry that you experience your life in this way. My fear problems are so so little , insignificant and few, compared to yours. I have been so blind, all I have seen is my own fears. I honestly did not realise people had such deep fears.

Your fears seem so overwhelming and constant. To be in this state is crippling. Now wonder you feel the way you do.

My heart goes out to you, I can't stand the thought of you experiencing this. I just want to free you from it. 

Shelley anne xxx

[Chicken_Wings]

Shelley please don't feel like your experience is insignificant.

This is not always my life. When I am well my life is pretty good and in the grand scheme of things there are people in the world who have it so much worse off than me.
But this does not mean that you do not have the right to feel scared also. Oh course I don't want you to though.

Thank you for your kind thoughts

[Chicken_Wings]

Yes Mummybee,

Oh to care that I need to dye my hair or be annoyed by someone in the office.
I wish I was oblivious to all of this. I wish I was ignorant to what this feels like and could walk around in a bubble protected from ever feeling this way.

I remember feeling like that and I want it back. I want to shake myself of this fear and just live.

[Chicken_Wings]

Does anyone else get that feeling when you're scared you get sort of a tingle, sort of where you feel the adrenaline rushing?

I feel that and it gives me even more fear. It's like the fear makes me fearful.

[Gruffudd]

Hi there, yes I get that feeling.

There are some people and places that I get anxious about to the point of feeling fear. It is worst with depression and anxiety because it all gets magnified. The thing is I can't avoid the people or places so spend the days and hours before in the fear. Then what I am afraid of doesn't happen. 

What I have started and want to get better at is observing myself, how I am reacting, and then riding out or resolving the fear. 

Rob.