I’m going crazy

[ElyseH]

I think I suffer anxiety. I have recently started to go off antidepressants I’ve been on for a few years (been lowering it for the last 2 month almost) plus I take medication at night mainly to help with sleep. I find it really calms my brain down when I’ve over stressed or been over thinking. I’ve always struggled to understand why I react the way I do getting really upset and thinking I’m just stupid and not smart if I encounter a moment I become worried I can’t do something right. I’m 31 and I’ve had this ever since I can remember. Now I remember when I was about 16 my mum has found out I had an abortion, and initially her reaction was supportive but soon after all she could say was “how could you be so stupid” being so angry at me so whenever I can’t get something right I feel like I stress out and tell myself I’m stupid.

[PamelaR]

Hi Elyse and warm welcome to our community

It's great to see you have found your way here. You're not alone. Anxiety can feel debilitating at times. However, there are many good ways to cope.

You talk about reducing your anti-depressant medication and take something to help you sleep. Have you talked to your doctor about the reduction in your medication? Also, has your doctor suggested you go to a health professional, e.g. psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellor? Health professionals can help to understand why you get upset and to help you think in different ways about yourself. They use many different types of therapies and tools. We are all different and what works for one may not work for another.

Until you get back to have a talk with your doctor and get a referral to a health professional, feel free to have a browse through our forums. There is one good thread I use and often refer to when I'm anxious and thats the - Self Help Tips for Managing Anxiety that you can find pinned to the top of the Anxiety forum under the Mental Health Conditions category.

Living up to a mum's expectations is really really hard. I never did and I'm very much like you. Building up my self esteem, self confidence and self worth was really an important part of my recovery. There are many shared stories here in the forums - have a browse and join the discussion if you want. You can do keyword searches in the BB website, e.g.

• self esteem
• self worth
• low self esteem

Or if you prefer to use google, add the keywords Beyond Blue.

Just something else I noted in your post. You say you had an abortion. I had 2 in my early 20s. I never told mum. It wasn't worth it. It's okay to forgive yourself for what happened - the decisions we've made were based on what was happening in our lives at the moment. Not sure about you, but mine was - I was not in a permanent relationship, I could never have been a single mum, I would have been the world's worst mum.

Please try to be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, accept, and let go.

Hope some of this helps Elyse

Kind regards

PamelaR

[smallwolf]

Hi Elyse,

I know what having anxiety is like and it is really annoying. However if you say "I think" we cannot provide y diagnosis. We are just like you (?) people with some sort of mental illness. While your description might indicate something, you would need to the talk with your GP? Do you or are you able to speak with someone about what you feeling? Perhaps before going back to your GP and talking about anxiety, you could do the
K10 test and give that to your GP.

the impact of things from when we were younger can change the way we feel about ourselves. You are not alone. There are things from my school days that still impact on me now, and it is by talking through the problems with my psychologist that I work through these. It is not easy. But necessary for me. If you are able to talk through the issue with someone that would be helpful.

Putting that aside (for the moment) you might find some ideas in threads on the forums on grounding and mindfulness. There are also books you can read, or apps you can use on your phone. If you are interested in any of these let me know and I can provide you with more details.

Peace to you,

Tim