I lost control over my life

[Puncar]

Hi all! First of all I feel a bit relieved knowing that maybe I'm not the only person out there that suffers from anxiety. It's nice to know that people have been through it and are here to help others like me to overcome anxiety.

I started feeling anxiety back in 2012 but i wont bore you with all the details. At the beginning it was bearable but i have been deteriorating little by little due to my circumstances. I have live with my girlfriend at her mom's house about a year but I feel i havent been completely happy with this decision from the start even though it was my choice i feel i was forced into it by my girlfriend (which is really spoiled and controlling, her worst treats :/).

There are good things about it as well like i pay less rent and stuff but I feel as I gave up my independence when i moved in.

Last year I was going through a lot of stressing events as i was finishing my diploma at tafe, working and dealing with my girlfriend's family gatherings that have always made me nervous. I felt i suffered a major break down and the last months of 2013 i was exhausted and anxious nearly all of the time.

Ever since then i have been feeling anxious, i stopped going to my girlfriend's family gatherings even living uner the same roof as i cannot cope with the anxiety and distress that that causes me and a month ago I stopped working because I reached a point where I can no longer spend one day without worrying or feeling scared that people are gonna hurt me or things of the like. In all honesty, im not even sure what is it that makes me scared, all i know is that i completely freak out when i have to talk to people in person and that has had its toll in my social life.

Im not sure how to proceed anymore but its making me frustrated because i think the best years of my life are being wasted away and i have not much to do about it.

[Neil_1]

Hi there puncar  (interesting name by the way 🙂

Thank you so much for providing your post here and welcome to Beyond Blue.

Tricky and awkward situation that you’ve outlined, but it’s also great that you KNOW you are not the only one out there suffering with like symptoms.  There’s thousands of us.  Believe me, there are.  You are not alone with these feelings.

Ok, so have you and your girlfriend sat down and talked?   Talked about the situation – about the living together in her mum’s home – about the family gatherings (which by the sound of it are massive trigger points for you and anxiety – by the way, I can see your point there big time).   I would imagine that you have chatted – and if you haven’t then this is a must thing for you to do.    How does she feel about your relationship?   How do you feel about it?    Are you able to possibly move out – still stay together (as in not split up), but you move out to a place by yourself?   That might not be financially viable, but it’s just a thought.

The fact that you’ve now had to stop working means that your illness has really taken hold and it is well and truly time for you to get sorted out professionally.  I don’t know if you’ve been to a doctor yet to discuss your anxiety levels, but I’d be advising you to make an appointment with this as soon as possible – if not sooner.  

I do hope that I’ve mentioned a couple of things that might be of use to you – and I really hope you can come back and write again – answering some of the questions, so we can get a better idea of your situation.

Kind regards

Neil

[Doolhof]

Hi Puncar,

I'd like to welcome you to Beyond Blue as well and hope you feel as though you are being understood and your problems recognised as being real and troublesome for you.

I have a few questions for you as well, how does your girlfriend react to your anxiety, is she supportive of you and are her parents? You mentioned you have had to leave work, this maybe a bit personal, but how are you managing to survive and could you look after yourself financially if you do decide moving out would be the best thing for you right now? Do you feel a little trapped as well due to a possible financial problem?

I agree with Neil, if you have not seen a Dr then I highly recommend you do so. There is a list on this site of Drs who may be in your area and who can help you. There is a phone number on the top of this page for people who can help you as well. If you don't feel like you can speak openly to another person, then try the webchat. I have used that service and found it to be really helpful. There is a little delay between you writing to the person on the other end of the webchat, but you do get an answer.

Would you think about seeing a Dr and asking if you can have a spell in hospital for a while so you can get a good rest, be looked after and not have to think about anything too much. Not sure if that is an option to you or not. Might give you a chance to recharge your batteries so to speak.

If not do you have a family member you could stay with, even for a weekend where you can just totally chill out.

Please see your Dr or a Dr and seek out some help and advice. While waiting to see the Dr try the help line above or the webchat and keep posting here if it helps you to clear your thoughts a little. By sharing how you are feeling, more people will be able to better understand you needs and can hopefully offer you some advice. 

I'm not going to be online for a couple of weeks now, but I do wish you well and hope you can make connections with people who can help you. From Dools

[Puncar]

Hi guys and thank you for your concern!

Well since im not working at the moment im managing to survive with some savings that i have but it wont last for long and that honestly adds up to my anxiety. I have talked to my gf about my feelings but our communication these days its not the best cause we have been fighting over stupidities so.. to make things harder..

I have thought hard about it and perhaps she doesnt make me happy anymore but i cant pull myself together and break up at once and leave cause there's the voice in my head that asks me "what if".. I'm starting to get annoyed by this uncertainty of mine but just cant help it.

It seems as though i cant make up my mind to wether i want to continue with her or just abandon everything even when i trully love her but in my heart something tells me there's no good for me if i stay.

I wish i wasn't going through this as besides her i got no one else in Australia that i can rely upon, neither any family around. I feel so hopeless and everyday goes by wasted.. I just stay at her place and wait for her to come back from work but im terrified of dealing with the outside world, only when its necessary.

[Neil_1]

Hi there puncar

I wanted to chip in again and write you – you’ve mentioned that you may not be happy with your relationship anymore;   BUT have you actually discussed it with your gf?  I know you mentioned that you talked to her, but then that ended in fighting over silly kinds of things.  I’m guessing that the relationship subject didn’t get a mention, as I wouldn’t be calling that a silly thing.

You’ve also said that you truly do love her – which is a huge thing and way to go for coming out and saying that.  That does mean a fair bit, in my book.  But relationships are a two-way street.  Do you think she truly loves you?    Do you think she would like to stay in this relationship??   Now these are questions, I think, should be actually asked – for you to get some clear answers in your head and so everything is not so mixed up and cloudy anymore.

You never know, if she responds in a certain way (let’s say positive), it might be just those couple of questions which could make a big difference to at least your immediate future together.

And with how you’re feeling about venturing outside and just staying at her place, waiting for her to come home – I’m in 100% agreeance with Doolhof here – I think the sooner you are able to make an appointment with a GP the better.  We can certainly try and advise our best on this issue, but I think that a professional in this field is the better way to go.

But just for argument’s sake, is it possible for you to try to take in some exercise and fresh air at the same time?   Like heading out and just going for a walk down the street you live.  Day one doesn’t have to be far – if this is a huge challenge, and it could well be;   then try to make it to the letterbox on your first attempt – and even stay there for a short while;  then head back indoors.  The next time, try for a light-pole;  or a tree that’s close by.  Just some thoughts to try to help out.

Neil