I am feeling so trapped. My OCD and anxiety has really taken a toll of my life.
The last week have been so exhausting! I've been in a state of panic, flight or fight and stress for over a week and it's getting worse.
I know what I'm about to say is irrational but when you have an anxious mind the rationality doesn't register.
Back in March I saw this rusty nail on the ground and so I picked it up as well as some big rocks because I saw these things as a hazard to people. (my fear is people getting hurt because of me)
There is a residential abandoned land of grass and it's fenced off.
I didn't know how to dispose the rocks and nail so I threw them over this fence.
Now.. 5 months later for some reason my brain had decided that this nail maybe somehow transmitted to the street, on the road, hiding in a bush, in the gutter or anywhere in sight where someone could get hurt.
Now this residential place isn't exactly abandoned because the place gets mowed once every 4 weeks (I rang the Council) So I'm now all freaking out that maybe the people who found the nail mowing the grass has thrown it somewhere or maybe the weather overtime has shifted the nail.
So I now feel compelled the checked every single street, pathway, grass, bush etc just to see if I could find this nail. And even if I don't find the nail my brain is going "well what about in a year or two's time the nail will be on the road as a hazard"
I've also been in contact with the police. They have actually been amazing and they did reach out to the people who own this sort of grass fenced off residential property. They replied saying they haven't seen a nail and the police looked apparently and couldn't find a nail either. But I know I threw a nail over there so unless I find it I will be in a state of panic.
I'm losing my mind and my stress response is hurting me and messing with my brain. I've almost fainted and because of how stressed this is making me I am feeling much worse in the brain and body.
I feel so vunrable and trapped. I can't stop crying. I wouldn't wish OCD on anyone. This is so dibilatating 😥
What can I do? I'm so scared. If I don't find this nail the anxiety just gets worse.
