I dont know if to leave the forums

[Guest_672]

Im worried im going to accidentally hurt someone on the forums. I always mean well but always seem to say the wrong things to people when i mean well. I dont know if its better to leave

[geoff]

Hi Whitewolfwarrior, the decision is yours, but no, why should you?

We all make comments that may seem to be hurting other people, but there's a reason we may do this and it's purely because we are suffering from an illness that portrays many different and may seem to be strange comments, that's not anybody's fault, nor is it yours.

Not everybody is going to accept our comments and what we have to say, but when they go away and think about it may change their mind.

If we aren't well then we make comments on the spur of the moment, but when you think about it, doesn't that happen all the time.

We have moderators who canvas all the comments and each reply and if anything is inappropriate or goes against the rules then it's not published.

Don't feel awful about this, and I know many people don't agree with what I have to say.

There is no reason for you to leave and hope you don't.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi Whitewolfwarrior

I believe Geoff's advice to be spot on and especially agree with his final comment, 'There is no reason for you to leave and hope you don't'.

Keep in mind 'the wrong things' are a matter of opinion. For example: Someone mentions how stressed they are in facing and speaking up to a verbally degrading relative who puts fear into them. Your advice may be 'Bite the bullet and confront them, in regard to how they treat you'. Later you might be thinking 'How could I have been so thoughtless when it comes to the stress this person may experience, regarding such a confrontation'. But what if confronting the relative was the only way they could actually move forward in life. The advice then is not wrong but instead straight to the point.

If you are concerned about some of the things you write, perhaps consider a mini checklist to work from. It could look something like this (by the way, if it's advice/support we're receiving, the checklist will look a little different):

• Greet the person
• Express empathy/understanding/reassurance
• Offer suggestions/support
• Sign off with some empowering words, such as...

Whitewolfwarrior, you hold within you the power to make a difference in another person's life. Do not hold this power within, without sharing it. What if, one day, it was your words/advice alone that made all the difference to someone seeking change.

The forums are not only a place of support, they are a place of learning. The more people here, the greater the education. Again, there is no reason for you to leave. I hope you don't.

Take care

[quirkywords]

Whitewolfwarrior,

Thanks for posing this question because I think many feel like this when first posting.

Geoff and The rising have given you supportive and helpful suggestions so I wont repeat them.

When I first joined the forums, I felt like you and worried I would upset people as they may take my words the wrong way. I would always be deleting my words and worrying about the tone.

I think the fact you are aware of the effect your words may have shows you have insight into what you are saying.

You have started a helpful discussion with this thread . I look forward to reading your posts on this and other threads.

hanks for your honesty

quirky

[Guest_672]

Thankyou i needed that kick up the butt.

[demonblaster]

Hi Whitewolfwarrior and everyone ☺

I understand how you feel.

Reading what you said and the supportive replies what came to mind is the fact that you're worried about upsetting people shows you're a good and caring person which is what here's all about and we need.

This might help and I'm still slowly trying to habit noting your reply first then proof read.

It is hard in peoples pain to know what and how to say things but I think good on you wanting to help people too so another reason to stay but your call ☺

Take care everyone and believe in yourselves, belief is a very powerful tool to aid success.

Sending ☺ and chocolate 🍫 or an 🍎

[Guest_672]

Thankyou what beautiful words. It has put a smile on my face 😊

[demonblaster]

☺ thanks, good to hear.

Best to you with your journey, probs see you around

Take care

[white knight]

Hi again www,

I'm glad you have stayed.

There are some illnesses that has the symptom of "foot in mouth". I read some time ago for example that ADHD often has that symptom.

Emotional immaturity can produce it also. I joined the RAAF at 17yo and I know now that emotionally I was about 12yo, at 30yo I was maybe 16yo emotionally etc. Now at 63yo I have caught up to my age. This "foot in mouth" is produced from speaking your mind without thinking first. Ever spoken to someone and they delay replying? I have a friend like that, a 3 second delay can seem like forever to us quick responders but to them, it's thinking how to reply time. Such quick responses is no reflection of intelligence, we are as clever as the reserved people but we speak of the things that immediately come to mind and that can cause issues.

Once about 20 years ago I worked in a fire station as a control room operator. A foreman arrived at 6am and asked if I knew of anyone that had a job for his 18yo daughter. I replied "I'll give her a job". I was replying in that way as I worked 3 jobs, lived alone and the night before I was considering employing a cleaner to clean my house. But he took it wrongly. That man never forgave me, no matter the many apologies and our workplace became unworkable. I ended up asking for a transfer. Such is the penalty for just replying without thinking of - how to reply without offence.

TonyWK