I Don't Think My Family Loves Me Anymore

[IllThinkofSomething]

Hey, I'm quite new to this, hopefully I'm posting in the right place.

Recently I've felt like nobody really cares about me. I have people I hang out with at school but to be honest I don't think they know much about me. I'm also gay and I'm too scared to tell them or my family, so I always feel like I'm lying to them about myself and I feel horrible, even though I know I probably shouldn't. My anxiety has also gotten quite bad lately and I keep on having panic attacks but I always try to hide them from my family because I know they probably won't understand. My Mum already looks ashamed of me when she takes me to my therapist so I don't like talking about anything with her. Not that my family isn't nice, its just that we aren't that close. My brother definitely doesn't like me and I'm not sure if it's something I did. I always try to be really nice to him and I try to respect his privacy. But I've always had trouble trying to understand things like social cues and I never really know what to say to people, so I might have said something weird or offensive without realizing it. I also try to talk to him about things I know we are both interested in like physics or maths and I also give him small gifts like chocolates or something but he normally tells me to leave his room. I know this probably seems normal given our age (we are both teenagers) but everyone at school seems to have some sort of relationship with their sibling when we don't really have one. I can't help but think that I did something and that there is something deeply wrong with me. I've never even connected with a single human before because I don't know what people mean when they say things and I don't really understand how to talk to people. I guess I just feel really lonely and isolated, and I don't think my family really loves me anymore because sometimes I get extremely stressed out and I just want to be alone and I probably come across as slightly rude when they try to talk to me, so they probably think I don't like them either which isn't true at all.

Hopefully this makes sense, thanks for reading

[Sophie_M]

Hey I'll Think of Something,

Welcome to our friendly forums, we are so glad that you were brave enough to reach out to our community here tonight. We're really sorry to hear that you've been having panic attacks, and have been feeling like your family don't care about you. These feelings must be really tough to cope with, especially if you feel like you can't open up to anyone about this, and try to keep it hidden. But we hope that you feel safe in expressing yourself here, and please know that our thoughtful communtiy are here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need through this difficult time.

You mentioned that you have a therapist that you go to- have you been able to open up to them about these feelings that you're having? We understand that it must be really overwhelming keeping it all bottled up inside, but please know that you never have to go through this on your own. If you feel up to it, we'd also really encourage you to reach out to the kind counsellors at Kids Helpline who are available to talk these feelings through, anytime, on 1800 55 1800 or if you'd feel more comfortable talking online, they also have 24/7 online chat at https://kidshelpline.com.au/ 

We hope that you can find some comfort in the words of kindness and support that our community can offer and we hope that you keep updating us on how you're going, whenever you feel ready.

 

[Croix]

Dear I'll Think of Something~

Welcome here to the Forum. I'm glad you have already met Sophie_M and she has mentioned Kids Help Line ,and also their chat area. It is surprising how much comfort one can get from simply talking to someone and get a fresh point of view. - and learning your problems have been faced by others.

Your brother, well I guess at this stage you sound very much the peacemaker-trying to understand how he feels as a teenager, and giving him chocolates sometimes. That of course will only go so far and if he is really rejecting you, rather than just wanting a bit of privacy I guess your only course of action is to ask him straight out why he doesn't like you.

It's quite possible that you are misreading signs. As a teenager he too is learning how to interact with people and may himself not realise the effects his actions have.

The problem with your mum is a bit more serious as mums are normally allies and friends, if she really does feel ashamed taking you to a therapist then the problem is inside her, however you might be quite mistaken.

Shame may not come into it at all, worry, financial problems, simply the pressure of life can make a person seem unhappy or stressed.

Have you ever sat down with her in a quiet moment and simply asked her how she feels when taking you there? There is nothing wrong with you saying that you feel she is ashamed and ask if it is true. It is possible you will find it is something else. Most parents want the best for their kids, and if that means a therapist then ok.

You said your anxiety and panic attacks have got worse recently , how you manage to try to hide them I'll never know, I could not hide mine, ended up unable to even speak. Any idea why now?

Have you talked to your therapist about them, if so what did the therapist say?

If you need to be alone when stressed and can't explain it at the time could you write your mum a letter, saying it is not them, just everything is too much at the time? Again most parents will mean well but need a bit of guidance.

I think I've said enough for one post, and would like to keep with you

Croix

[IllThinkofSomething]

Thank you so much for replying, I wasn’t sure if anyone would... I haven’t seen my therapist for quite a number of months due to coronavirus, and I didn’t want to do online sessions because I don’t think I would feel comfortable talking to a therapist at home where everyone can hear me.

I actually started a conversation with my brother a couple of days ago and I really think it helped. I didn’t ask him outright why he didn’t seem to like me very much but for the first time in a while he actually spoke to me like I was his sister and not like I was a stranger. I even had the courage to come out to him and I think he might be ok with it, we haven’t really spoken since, but I think it might slowly be getting better. I think this might have something to do with the fact that it was my birthday a couple of days ago as well, so maybe he felt the need to talk to me.

In regards to my mother, I’m still feeling quite distant from her. I have been able to talk to my therapist about this but as I mentioned I haven’t been able to see her for a couple of months. When I told my therapist she said they probably mean well but they don’t know how to approach the situation as they mightn’t have been exposed to mental health illnesses before. It’s not that my mother isn’t a nice person, she just doesn’t seem to want to talk to me about things like anxiety. I’m not really sure if I feel comfortable talking to her about this at this stage because I haven’t ever really done that kind of thing before and I find the idea quite stressful, it is nice to talk it over in a place like this though

School hasn’t been going too great though and I keep end up spending lunch in the bathroom because I’m too afraid to talk to people. However, my panic attacks have been improving. I haven’t had one for five days now and I’m really hoping this continues. I was able to hide them by just running to a different room whenever I felt them coming on. Mine usually come on gradually so I feel a sense of panic and then I start gasping for air after about ten seconds.

I have also been given the opportunity to do volunteer work at an op shop for work experience but I have to do an interview in a week. I’m not really sure how to do this because I’m scared that I’m going to be too nervous to get the position, if you have any advice that would be helpful!

Anyway, thank you for reading, it truly helps to read your responses. Overall, I think my situation may slowly be improving, especially with my brother.

[Helarctus]

Hi there,

It is good that you have had a chance to talk with your brother some, I hope things are continuing to improve there.

With regards to the interview, you can do things like pick out the clothes you are going to wear the night before, read up on the place you want to work at, you can visit and familiarise yourself with their stock and floor layout etc. Depending on how comfortable you are you may be able to get your mum or another friend to come along for the interview or to be nearby in the store or a coffee shop and after the interview you can go debrief about the experience.

As a parent, there is a distance between what you learn and what your children learn and how you communicate. Some days I have more success than others in talking AND listening because I'm not hip to the slang or down five on the jiggy as they say. If you keep trying to talk with your mum it will likely encourage her to keep trying to talk with you, she just might approach things from a different angle because that is her frame of reference, and that is ok, for you both.