I don't know what to do

[Stormgrl101]

I feel so lost and confused. Don't know what to do or think. I have been living with friend and her partner but they have just split and she decided to move out today back to her dads house. I feel uncomfortable living with her partner so I guess I'll have to move back to my parents house, where I am at the moment, staying here tonight. I already feel so lonely and anxious here. My parents are lovely and supportive but I feel like such a disappointment to them. Since I'm unemployed, can't get or keep job due to anxiety, I've decided to volunteer at animal shelter, which starts in a month, and also start studying a part time course in animal studies. The closer it gets to starting these, the thought of me actually having to get up and go do it and talk to people scares me. I wish I could feel happy and confident in what I want to do but I feel the opposite. I feel so guilty and selfish for thinking horrible thoughts when I've been given this life to live and I've been trying and trying for what feels like forever to try and control my anxiety and actually get somewhere but I can't. I'm sick of trying and sick of crying.

I've been on my medication for almost a year and next psychologist appointment is coming up this week. 

[Stormgrl101]

It's been a bad week.

I broke down completely when I saw my doc the other day and had a panic attack. He told me to come back after my next psych visit next week and then a kind nurse sat with me to talk to me and calm me down. Been feeling so depressed lately. I feel broken, unfixable, undeserving of this life I been given. 

[sagebrush]

Everything can be fixed, if you didn't deserve this life, you would not have been given it.

your on the right path just follow it, that's half challenge completed!

yeah its scary but it gets easier, I can promise you that.

Your so scared of not achieving anything with your life that you don't see what you've already achieved.  Being alive the greatest achievement of all, imagine what your parents lives would have been like if they had not had you!!

 You brought joy and wonder and hope and achievement and love into their lives just by being you.

what you do with that life is the choice your parents give you, they don't mind what you do as long as your a part of Their lives.

This is just a normal part of life that you will get through, the human body is not perfect, sometimes there is a chemical influence that can bring you down like this, the right medication with counseling is the absolute best solution for you. 🙂 you will feel while again.

[Stormgrl101]

Thank you for that kind post.

I am having a hard time trying to deal with medication change. I start new one tomorrow. Feeling very low, alone & teary. Distractions aren't helping. I don't even know how to put my "brave face" on anymore... 

[tully]

Hi Stormgrl101.

I have been reading your posts and it seems you have been feeling this way for a while now. I am so glad you are here, it's a good place to get some help and just have someone to listen.

I was so impressed by your desire to help animals, even when you are not feeling well, you want to help others. What a wonderful person you are. This will be great therapy for you, as well as a kindness to animals in need. Remember this when you are feeling low, not everyone has such a big heart. The 'brave face' doesn't have to be there for animals, and nor for anyone else other than you.

Give yourself one small little challenge a day, and hold yourself to it. Each time we have a little win, it makes us stronger. 

I hope your new medications start helping soon. 

Thinking of you. xx

Jodie

[Stormgrl101]

Hello Jodie thank you for your post & hope u are well.

yes I do love the animals. I feel so sad seeing all the animals who need new, loving homes. I wish I could take them all!

i certainly hope this medication will work. I'm sick of struggling to just get out of bed and have a shower! I try to push myself to do things but anxiety/fear/dark thoughts are always there. I still feel ashamed & guilty cause of it, don't want people to see how I am struggling and I don't want any one to worry about me. 

[stayingsane]

i can understand your feelings.

i feel them. its very very hard to live with. 

im in hospital trying to find the strength to overcome my fears. and what the other writers are saying makes sense: we are not Anxiety!